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 | | RSA Shorts - The Power of Empathy |
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". . . Participation. That's
what's going to save the
human race. "
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Welcome to the monthly Fearless Conversations newsletter -- information and ideas to support and inspire us to create a world in which fearless conversations are common in our workplaces, communities, families and friendships. The article focuses on a source of stress in communication which is often subtle and not talked about easily. There are two links in the left column I hope you will enjoy. Scroll down to the link for a song of Pete Seeger's which you may not have heard. It was recorded by Paul Winter who persuaded Seeger to do it even though he had lost his singing voice. A choral group accompanies him. Very beautiful!
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Talking through Messes Is Worth It
Before you read this article, please take a few seconds to do a simple exercise: grab a pen or pencil and a scrap of paper. Write your name anywhere on the paper. Then, with your other hand, write your address. What's that like for you -- to write with your less preferred hand? What does that feel like? What are you thinking?
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Do you ever have the experience of talking to others like writing with your less preferred hand? It's awkward? clumsy? messy? It takes effort? Lack of ease in communication is often due to something introverted in us that is being nudged out to talk, i.e. to extravert. Carl Jung explains that we have two basic functions: 1) obtaining the information we count on and trust, and 2) making decisions based on that information. According to Jung, we "extravert" one of those functions and "introvert" the other. The
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®) is the classic instrument that helps us understand these dynamics. Simply put, our extraverted function is the one we use naturally to engage with others; our introverted function enjoys lively, internal "talking", instead. In our personal and professional lives, we sometimes need to give voice to our introverted function, even if doing so is messy.
To illustrate these dynamics, I offer two scenarios that I see often in organizations. The names are fictitious. I hope these stories will prompt you to think of similar professional or personal examples.
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Scenario 1: SARA
Sara's employees appreciated her management and fairness. Still, they consistently felt "in the dark" about why Sara made many of her decisions. I was asked to facilitate team-building using the MBTI®; it provided a non-threatening way for Sara and her employees to talk about what they experienced as puzzling and unsettling. Sara readily saw herself in her MBTI® profile which indicated that she internally processed the information behind her decisions, i.e. in an introverted way. By the time she came to meetings, Sara had "talked to herself" about the information she depended on; she had no need or inclination to talk about the information further or to get more. She considered it a waste of time -- even irresponsible -- to talk with anyone else about information that was so obvious from her perspective.
Truly, Sara did not intend to exclude her employees or cut off appropriate consultation. With some coaching, she initiated two practices which alleviated the tension
 in her department: 1) She established the practice of having timely consultation meetings in which employees could offer their suggestions, ask questions and give feedback. 2) She began to broaden the information base in her department by rotating employee participation in an annual national conference. It had never occurred to her that it would be beneficial to send employees to the conference. They really appreciated these gestures which helped them to be more informed. Both of these practices felt like writing with her less preferred hand, but she could see the actions were worth the effort. She "installed" these practices into her management style so that she would be sure to do them consistently.
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Scenario 2: MARK
Mark is a CEO of a service agency. He reaches broadly through his organization to engage people in talking about exciting ideas, visionary possibilities, industry trends, critical research and timely statistics. He asked me to facilitate a strategic planning process with a committee that represented all essential aspects of the organization. On occasion, if he was not present, someone would drop a comment to the effect of: "Well, he's going to do what he wants, anyway." This casually verbalized assumption seemed a stark contrast to their high esteem for Mark, as well as their enthusiastic participation in the planning process. Then, at a board meeting, Mark gave a carefully prepared presentation  about an idea he had. His intent was to consult the board, but he presented his idea in a way that looked and sounded like a "done deal". People became irate and disillusioned. They judged that Mark was announcing a decision and, in effect, derailing the strategic planning process. To get the process back on track, I facilitated a conversation in which Mark and the committee talked about what was mattering most to each person in this upset.
The conversation manifested a tension between what Mark extraverts and what he introverts. In the planning meetings he had easily talked about (extraverted) all kinds of pertinent and critical information. At the same time, though, with his introverted decision-making function, he was forming his own judgments about that information. By the time he gave the board presentation, he was at a decision point internally and people sensed that, in spite of his intention to consult them. For Mark, decisions "show up" inside; they become obvious to him as the good and right thing to do. It was shocking to Mark that anyone would need to talk about what he saw clearly as a "must-do". During the conversation he felt impatient, even insulted, to talk about logic and values that were so obvious to him. Nevertheless, he worked through the messiness and awkwardness of putting onto the table what he had processed in an introverted way. The conversation was worth it to restore confidence in the planning process that had come so far.
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There's both a balance and a tension between our introverted and extraverted functions. We build our personal and professional relationships on what we  extravert - either with ease or with effort (like writing with our less preferred hand). What we know or decide in our introverted selves is difficult to put into words. I use the MBTI® to help people work with the dynamics involved. With or without the MBTI®, we can sense when our introverted selves are being nudged out to talk with others. We may feel a bit defensive, hesitant, protective, impatient, edgy, disinterested. But, as did Sara and Mark, we can choose to make the effort, even if it feels messy; we reap the rewards. That's a fearless conversation!
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Fearless Conversations Retreats
Explore basic practices and processes that will help your organization develop its capacity
to engage in "fearless conversations". These retreats
are relaxing, fun, inspiring and practical. They are timely opportunities for faculties, staffs, management or leadership teams, boards, faith communities, membership organizations and informal groups of friends or colleagues.
Click here for more information.
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Thank you for connecting Fearless Conversations with non-profit service organizations, schools, faith communities, small-to-mid-size businesses. Typically, I contract for design and facilitation of visioning or team-building retreats, strategic planning, meeting facilitation, transition planning, design and facilitation of decision-making processes.
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