May is always a hard month for me. It's the combination of two things: the anniversary (or yahrtzeit, in Jewish tradition) of my mother's death and the annual, national Mother's Day extravaganza featuring cards, flowers, gifts and yummy brunches. Although my family remembers me, I have no mother to celebrate.

May is probably also sad for me because of the nature of the season. Usually, real Spring has finally arrived in Ithaca by May, so I associate lovely early spring blossoms and aromas with a bedside vigil for my mother. In May, she slipped away from us, like a snowflake, in her own bedroom, but in the able hands of Hospicare.

Now, eighteen years since that sad and tender day in May 1996, I feel the need to do something different besides swim the lake in August . . .  

To give to the Hospicare Mothers Fund, click here.  

The springtime beauty of rebirth combined with the celebration of Mother's Day can often remind us of our own mother's special love, and of the loss we feel at her passing. To acknowledge these feelings and to remember and celebrate our mothers who have died, Hospicare is offering a special one-time event. We will gather in an afternoon of remembrance to share stories of our mothers' love over a cup of warm, soothing tea.

The event is for men and women, age 18 or older, who wish to acknowledge the special relationship between a deceased mother (or mother figure) and child. Join us regardless of your relationship with the deceased or when your loss occurred. Bring your favorite tea cup or mug.

The event "Tea Is Love" will take place Friday, May 9, 3:30-5:00 p.m., at Hospicare. Free and open to the public, but please register by May 7 with Donna George, LMSW, FT, at dgeorge@hospicare.org or 607-272-0212.

Advance care planning is an important part of planning for the future and ensuring our wishes regarding healthcare and end-of-life issues are followed. Unfortunately it can be intimidating and uncomfortable for many of us to deal with these questions and so we try to avoid them. In fact, 70% of Americans don't have a living will or other advance care directive. They may know what they want to have happen regarding their healthcare, but they have no map to get to their final goal. 

If you have put off creating your advance care directives, the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (NHPCO) has resources that can help you make these important documents today.

Typically, advance care directives fall into the following two categories:

• A Living Will, which gives you the power to designate what types of health care intervention you want or don't want should you become incapacitated and unable to state your wishes at the time of your healthcare crisis; and

• A Medical Power of Attorney or Health Care Proxy, which allow you to designate someone you trust to make health care decisions for you if you become incapacitated.

To read more about advance care planning, click here.

To download your state's advance directive forms and information on how to fill them out, click here.