What Matters Most-The Soul of Parenting

Jan Pendergrass, Pastor for Children and Families at First Free Methodist

What a wonderful time was had by all at our annual Craft ADVENTure night on November 28. Many thanks to so many of you who joined us and to Shari and Cara for participating and providing such a fun craft as well. I was thanking the cook for making such a tasty and kid-friendly meal for that evening and she reflected back to me that as she looked over the scene that night, it reminded her of a Rockwell painting. She said it was so beautiful to see families working together, parents visiting and happy kids being creative as they made gifts.

What I enjoy most about that evening is helping our kids to start off the Christmas season with thoughts of giving to others in a home-made and simple, heart-felt way. I recently read an article by an author who is a friend of mine from college who writes about the importance of focusing on giving at Christmas. In it she shared these wise words.

Pursue Moments that Lead to Memories

There's nothing worse than a Christmas that is self-absorbed. If it's all about what we want - or what our children want, we can lose focus of what it truly means to give as God gave of His Son, and Christ gave of Himself. As you look around you, it's not difficult to notice so many in need- physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually.

What are the moments that lead to stories you will tell at the dinner table at night? Stopping to talk to a homeless person and handing them a bag of groceries? Taking your children- or your friends to a convalescent home and singing carols, or just going door to door to visit the elderly and handing them a candy cane? Taking a meal to a family in need? Going caroling and wishing well those that open the door and smile at you?

The holidays that have meant the most to me and my family are the ones in which we got outside of ourselves and touched another life...not necessarily because it made us feel good, but because it touched someone else's life and showed our God that we understood a glimpse of what He sacrificed when He sent His Son to earth-and then to a cross- for us. (Cindy McMenamin, www.strengthforthesoul.com)

Focusing on giving and the true meaning of Christmas, celebrating the birth of Jesus and telling that story, is the theme of this year's children's Christmas musical at FFMC. On Sunday, December 9 at 10am, the FFMC kids will be presenting Why We Sing, a homegrown program that features some of our KidTown puppet friends. After the program, children will be dismissed to classrooms for the rest of the service. There is just one 10am service that morning and on December 16 and 23^rd as well. We invite you to this very fun and meaningful service as well as all of our celebrations this season. Our Christmas Eve services are at 5 and 8pm. We'll see you there!

IS THERE CHRISTMAS PRESSURE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD?

By Mary Ann Abbott, Parent Consultant, North Seattle Community College

IT'S HOLIDAY TIME! But, is the living easy?  Here's a brief look into some possible preparations for the holiday in the lives of northwest families. The names have been changed to protect both the innocent and the guilty!

Christmas Shopping

Joey frolics through the clothes racks at the store: ducking under, spreading his arms for a big sweep, and then circling for a fly- through!  He's in the middle of another fly-through when Mother quietly shouts, "Joey, where are you? Come out this instant!" Joey is tempted to be quiet and play hide and seek in the camouflage of the clothes, but, instead, he answers, "I'm here." 
Mother says, "Where?" Joey: "Here." And, so it goes for a while, until Mother, after looking under four racks, discovers Joey wrapped in black fur, under the winter coats. A sales clerk intercepts the Mother and inquires about her shopping needs; Joey quietly moves to the jeans rack...

Holiday activities and Eating

Tonight is the deadline. Dad has a big Christmas shopping list and rushes to the childcare to get Shanna, 2, and Jeremy, 4. Their mother is at her work's party, so it's all Dad!  Considering the evening's schedule, he decides to hit REI before the children get too tired. They're just ascending the stairs when Shanna whines, "I'm hungry!" Dad knew this would happen, so he is ready with some string cheese and crackers for both children.  Later in the sock department, Shanna moans, "I'm thirsty!" Dad is ready with Capri-sun drinks!  So far, so good.

Dad feels very successful and begins thinking about the tasty casserole that his wife had cooking at home. After three more stores and additional snacks for the children, Dad put on a movie for the ride home.  As he pulls in the driveway, he looks behind him. Whoops! Shanna is asleep. And, Jeremy is so engrossed in the movie that he doesn't want to go inside.  Some bargaining/persuasion is required to get both children inside.

Dad turns on the TV for the children as he checks on the casserole. Sure enough, it is in the oven. But, the oven malfunctioned, and the casserole is not cooked. What should he do? P& B sandwiches, take-out at McDonald's, or a pizza delivery-maybe cereal? He knows hungry children set the stage for a crabby evening. His nutrition conscience and guilt surface; yet, he rationalizes that Christmas comes once a year.  So, pizza it is. And, dad proceeds to hide the gifts while the children watch TV and the pizza is on its way.

Scenario Reflections       

A lot of the above just happens and with good intentions. It's easy for parents to get caught up in an agenda-laden holiday experience.  It's true, there are many "must-dos," but it's also true that parents can take control in many areas. Young children do not thrive in an experience which takes too much time, gives quick fixes for food needs, and overuses screen time as a babysitter. At the beginning of December, parents can carefully decide how the demands of the holiday season will affect their young children and take control of those experiences for the good of the entire family.

Here are ten coping ideas from David Fassler, MD and clinical professor at the University of Vermont:

1. Discuss holiday plans well in advance, and let kids participate in decisions to the extent possible. Kids need some degree of predictability. Prolonged uncertainty, constantly changing plans or last-minute decisions can all increase stress.

2. If you're traveling, leave plenty of extra time and bring child-friendly snacks, books, games and/or music.

3. Don't overschedule. You may not be able to do everything or see everyone. Kids can easily get "burned out," overtired and cranky during the holidays.

4 .Give kids some "downtime." Don't expect them to be "on" all the time. Leave room for some  quiet activities, like listening to music, walking in the woods or reading a book.

5. Make sure kids get plenty of sleep. While it may be exciting to stay up late, lack of sleep often leads to increased irritability.

6. Let kids be honest about their feelings. Don't force them to act happy and excited if they're feeling quiet or down.

7. Don't promise things you can't produce. For example, don't promise that a parent will be home in time for the holidays if the decision is really out of your control. Don't promise that someone will call if they're in an area with limited phone service.

8. Uphold and maintain family traditions even if a parent is absent. Kids count on certain traditions, which can have an important grounding effect by letting kids know that even though some things have changed, other things have remained the same.

9. Don't try and compensate for an absent parent with extra gifts or toys. It won't work. What most kids really want is time, attention and reassurance.

10. Take care of yourself. Try and avoid getting overloaded with obligations. If you feel stressed, it increases the pressure and tension on your children.