For some, fall would just not be complete without a family viewing of the 1966 classic, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown." But maybe it's worth viewing with fresh eyes. I may get myself "in the dog house" for speaking ill of the Peanuts Gang, but I ran across an article that really made me think. Is there value in empathizing with poor Charlie Brown who only gets a rock in his treat sack and constantly gets called "Blockhead" by his friends? Or maybe we've come a long way from the days when we got a kick out of watching how kids might treat each other when unsupervised. Really, what good can come of that?

Take a minute to click on this link and read this thought-provoking article from Today Show Moms: http://tinyurl.com/9r8wo7aAt the very least, let's be aware of the values expressed in shows of old that we find sentimental and reminiscent of "better" days, but may require discussion and can be character building opportunities. We can ask our kids, "Have you ever felt like Charlie Brown?" Or, "Do you think its ok to say those things to someone, or to call them names like that?" Or even, "If you saw someone treating someone else like that, what would you do?"

But how about the classic, "A Charlie Brown Christmas"? It will always be one of my favorite Christmas soundtracks. Again, Charlie Brown gets called stupid and dumb for choosing that pathetic tree. Linus attempts to redeem the moment, telling us what Christmas is all about when he recites the real Christmas story from the book of Luke in the Bible. Charlie Brown says, "Linus is right. I won't let all this commercialism ruin my Christmas." I still feel badly for poor Charlie Brown, but it's a powerful moment when Linus commands everyone's attention and quotes Scripture. Here is yet another opportunity for healthy family discussion!

Some FFMC events that will help you and your family battle commercialism and celebrate the true meaning of Christmas are coming up:

~NOV 28, Wednesday night, Christmas Craft ADVENTure! This wonderful night of dinner and gift-making for kids kicks off the season for many of our families. (Dinner $13/family; Crafts $5/child) Dinner is served from 5:45 to 6:30 (come early!), and preschool and elementary crafting is from 6:15 until 8pm.

~DEC 9, Children's Christmas Program, 10am worship service FFMC KidTown and TotTown kids are rehearsing each Sunday for the annual children's program. This year, KidTown puppet friends help us tell the real story in Why We Sing, an in-house written program that you won't want to miss!

Peace to you as we count our blessings in the month ahead and as we look forward to celebrating the birth of Jesus this Christmas!

 A little desperate and discouraged! That's how a young mother was feeling last week about the interaction of her two young children as siblings. She asked me, "Do you think they'll argue their whole lives? We just get one situation resolved, and another one surfaces! What can I do?"

I have never been a sibling. But, I do know siblings can get tangled up with each other-with struggles over a toy, with hitting, with threats and negotiations, with angry shouts, with ignoring words, and with tears and tattles. Sometimes siblings are referred to as best friends and worst enemies.

Think of the status of each child:

They did not choose each other or their family.

               They are usually different ages and approach life with different development profiles.

They have different temperaments and have a different birth order.

They may be a different sex.

Young mother Carrie describes how her younger son (9 months and crawling) is uninterested in his own toys and targets big brother's toys-ripping apart his older brother's train track, scattering his special cars, and destroying his elaborate lego structures. Older brother is both angry and devastated.

Then there's four-year-old Noelle who tried to keep the peace by yelling at her younger sister: "Now, Leah, quit antagonizing me!" (Good language development!) In response, Leah (age 2 ½) grabs the little mermaid and runs behind the couch.

And, what about Sam's adjustment to his new baby sister? When dad was diapering the new baby, Sam (age 3) decided to "help" by finding the fish food and "feeding" the fish with the whole box. Many parents are familiar with this type of intentional mischief to get a parent's attention. Works every time!

In her article, Siblings: How to Help Them Be Friends Forever, Christine Carter Ph.D. suggests that parent attitude is very important and offers some principles to assist parents:

1. Treat kids fairly. What's important here is what the children think is fair-not what the parents think. Some children may need more attention for it to feel fair. Most siblings have a subtle monitoring system for "fairness." Carter explains, "When parents show similar levels of affection, praise, and discipline-sibling relationships are more positive."

2. Emotion coaching is really important. Teaching kids to identify and say feelings/emotional reactions to their siblings has a positive effect on sibling relationships. Siblings then learn to be better communicators. (Here at NQACC, above the sign-in desk, there are free small booklets titled "What Am I Feeling?" which help parents do emotion coaching.) Information can also be found at:

         http://www.parentingcounts.org/information/timeline/five-steps-of-emotion-coaching/ 

3. Give them positive opportunities to play. Positive play experiences help siblings lay a foundation for a life-long bond. Based on research, Carter says that positive interactions need to outnumber negative ones by about five to one. It's important to find things that siblings both enjoy. It is possible for siblings who are very different to enjoy each other's company. A little positive experience each day, even though siblings might argue a little, improves the relationship. The parent's task is to make sure that the positive experiences outweigh the negative ones. The day could include some "alone time," not as a penalty but just to promote positive interaction.

4. Role-play responses to conflict. Here's where some conflict management techniques work. When conflicts get intense, teach "Take a deep breath." Research shows that when children calm down, the resolution promotes a more positive relationship. Carter suggests that the communication of needs and understanding another's point of view are best taught and practiced in neutral role-playing situations-not in the heat of the moment. Young children can be taught a simple framework:

http://www.calgaryschild.com/parent-connection/456-waging-peace-coaching-children-to-deal-with-conflict

6. Think twice before intervening during a conflict. It is okay to "coach" young children through a conflict when they do not have the skills for a resolution. Research shows that preschool children benefit from parental guidance during conflicts. Older children can usually work out arguments themselves.

Every parent wants siblings to have a close relationship. Just like so many things in life- it takes teaching and ongoing practice. It also requires a lot of the parent's energy, and a typical parent pulls together many personal resources to guide children through these conflicts. No one way is the only way; but teaching siblings to be kind to each other and resolve conflicts promotes learning for a life time.