| People pleasing | | |
"What your mind possesses, your body expresses."
--Anonymous
"The body is the soul's house. Shouldn't we therefore take care of our house so that it doesn't fall into ruin?" -- Philo
"The healthy strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he has an abcess on his knee or in his soul."
-- Rona Barrett
|
|
Contact Me
| |
| |
Shauna Summers
Coordinator of Pastoral Care and Counseling
|
|
Quick Links
| |
PCC is very interested in your experiences, concerns, and feedback. Listening to clergy and families will enable PCC to better serve and address your needs.
|
|
Join Our List
 |
|
Get ready, check, go...
| |
Healthy relationships are essential both within the church with your fellow clergy, as well as outside of those doors with your close friends and family. Many of us may feel we already possess the qualities needed to maintain our existing relationships.
For additional resources, please contact your CAP at 1-800-433-7916 or you may email your concerns directly to igrc@chestnut.org Clergy, spouses, and their dependent family members can access the Clergy Assistance Program (CAP) 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call the CAP at 1-800-433-7916, or Clergy Assistance Program (CAP).
|
|
|
Issue #8:
Boundaries and People Pleasing | December 2015 |
|
As we move further into the holiday season, our stress tends to increase with long lists of personal and professional "things to do" and our health can suffer. What does "health" really mean exactly? Some may think of health as weighing less, or eating better, or off medications for physical or psychological reasons, but are those things health or are they a symptom of health? Because we aren't really sure what "health" is, it is easy to believe any of the numerous fads that promise to "increase our health" in one way or another.
Reality is that we live in a high-stress society. Our ability to surround ourselves with positive life stressors and successfully manage our negative life stressors is the equation that results in our health condition. It is common to need help healing or balancing everything. Whether it be a medical doctor, counselor, or reconnecting spiritually, thankfully there are options.
|
|
Clergy self-care
| |
Balancing and people-pleasing demands
As pastors, leading a congregation who willingly serves, loves Jesus, and gives of themselves generously is the goal. Sometimes, when any of us want something (that isn't happening the way we would like it to) so badly, we rationalize and mislead ourselves into a "people pleasing" thought process that tells us that if we work hard enough to please the misguided sheep, they will see the light. But that doesn't necessarily happen. It has been said that "over-carers" is another term for "people pleasers" and that by over caring for others, we under care for ourselves. Those of us who may be ambivalent about taking time to care for ourselves, may be fine with that, but the reality is that our ability to care for others comes from our "well" of love, compassion, and faith. If we let our well run dry, we either give others sludge from the bottom of our well, or nothing at all.
|
|
People Pleasers
| |
Strategies for boundaries
In Ministry, it seems that there are a myriad of people to make happy. Not only does one have an entire congregation, but then there are the supervising administrators. And it is important to have a good relationship with members of your community. We also need to have family and friends who are pleased with us and our decisions. It seems there are a so many people to keep happy.
How do you please all these people and still attend to your own needs? Balance.
PCC Board member Barb Bolin offers some suggested strategies to navigate such murky waters.
|
| Chestnut Global Partners | |
People pleasing vs. setting healthy boundaries
 Most of us enjoy being accepted and liked by others. However someone who is a people pleaser typically avoids conflict out of fear of hurting someone's feelings, disappointing or upsetting them.
Todd Smith, a psychotherapist with Chestnut Global Partners, offers some ways to set limits by changing our way of thinking.
|
| Connections | |
Finding a place for clergy moms to share
I belong to a Facebook group for United Methodist Clergy Moms and I'm noticing more and more the issues that clergy moms face and I'm experiencing some of it myself. From a lack of appropriate space provided at annual conference to nurse and/or pump, the lack of church understanding about maternity leave and even the difficulty in being a mom and a pastor on Sunday mornings, being a clergy mom is a challenge! I know clergy dads have challenges as well, some the same and some very different. Being in the fishbowl of a clergy household, it also makes everything so much different as parents. Some moms in the Facebook group are going through miscarriages and I can't imagine what that would be like having to tell a congregation about it and then having to deal with negative/inappropriate comments that could come while grieving. There are so many challenges I wasn't even aware of until I saw these other women express them.
I know it would be helpful for moms to hear from other moms with different ages of children, especially older kids and how they made it all work out earlier on with little ones. One safe place to share, be heard, and to hear others is this Clergy Moms Facebook group, but this isn't the only place. There are lots of clergy moms in our conference who are having these conversations together. If you're in need of a safe place to ask for advice or to bounce ideas around or even just to vent or tell your funny PK stories, let me know and I'd love to connect with you or connect you to our Facebook group.
-- Jessica Baldyga
|
|
|
Blessings,
Shauna Summers
Pastoral Care and Counseling Coordinator
Illinois Great Rivers Conference |
|
|
