Your Friendships and Relationships

SUMMARY

Because God designed us to live together in relationships, friendships are an important part of His plan for our lives.

·         Our friends are gifts from the Lord for which we should be truly grateful. Since they are so precious, we ought to do all we can to nurture these relationships and be the kind of friend God wants us to be. The most important friendship we can have is with Jesus Christ.

·         When we walk closely with Him, we'll become the companion others need and want. A friend is a treasure who loves you as you are, sees not only who you are but who you can become, is there to catch you when you fall, shares your everyday experiences, accepts your worst but helps you become your best, understands your past, believes in your future, accepts you today just as you are, and comes in when the whole world has gone out.

SERMON POINTS

·         Although we all desire rich, life-long relationships, the reality is that sometimes friendships don't last. This may be no fault of our own, but sometimes it's the result of choosing the wrong type of friend.

The book of Proverbs warns us of the kinds of associations to avoid.

Do not associate with a gossip

Prov. 20:19

·         We need friends we can trust not to share with others what we have told them in confidence.

Do not associate with someone given to anger.

·         If we hang around angry people, we could become like them.

Do not associate with those given to change.

·         These are friends who are discontent and disloyal. We never know whether we can trust them because they are so unsettled in their ways.

Do not be a companion to someone who is self-indulgent.

Prov. 28:7

·         This person is only interested in satisfying himself.

Do not keep company with immoral people.Prov. 29:3 

·         They may lure us into following their sinful example.

Do not become a companion of fools.

Prov. 13:20

·         The Bible defines a fool as someone who says there is no God. Although we are called to interact with unbelievers in order to lead them to Christ, we should never be close companions with those who are trying to live apart from the Lord. As Christians, we need friends who are devoted to the same God we are. Otherwise, we could easily be led astray by those who are going in the opposite direction.

Great friendships don't just happen; they have to be built and nurtured.

If we truly love and care for our friends, we will invest our time and energy in the relationship.

Spend time together:

·         This is the most important ingredient and the only way we will truly get to know each other.

Talk to each other:

·         Through conversation we learn more about the other person. As the relationship progresses, the interaction becomes more personal and open.

Cry and laugh together:

·         Close friends are willing to share their hearts with each other in both the joys and heartaches of life.

Share accomplishments:

·         Promotions and successes are reasons to rejoice together.

Share trials:

·         True friends stay close in times of trouble or pain and faithfully bear each others burdens.

Our Past can affect all Relationships:

·         The past is an issue in all of our lives that affects our marriages and families and friends.

Things we should be aware of and disarm!

Satan either perverts our memories of the past or poisons them to ruin our future.

a. Perverting our memories:

·         Children of Israel in Egypt-terrible slavery. In the wilderness they forget the cruel torture and remembered the "leeks, melons, onions, etc." He wanted them to long for something that wasn't real so they wouldn't possess what was real.

·         When we're friends!  Remember Satan is the accuser of the brethren.

·         When we are hurt, he's the tormentor of our mistakes as he reminds us of what's good.

Bottom line:

1. It wasn't so good - get your memories real!

2. That was the past - "leave it behind and you are living in the present now." (Unresolved conflicts)

We must forgive:

·         Matthew 18:33-35 It doesn't make them right, but it makes us free!

·         Ephesians 4:26 We must deal with our anger daily.

b. Lowered trust and higher expectations

·         This is one of the most common and dangerous dynamics for someone who has been hurt in a friendship or relationship.

1- Lowered trust:

·         I have less good will towards you and more suspicion of your motives and actions.

·         You are going to have to overcome the mistrust someone from my past created.

2- Higher expectations:

·         I expect more of you because of my previous disappointments.

·         I expect you not to make the same mistakes others have made (and I'll be monitoring carefully)

·         I expect you to give me what I haven't had before-regularly and without fail.

a. Atmosphere of previous friends / relations-innocent until proven guilty

b. Atmosphere of other friends and relationships-guilty until proven innocent.

Last:

Inner Vows

·         Inner vows are Self-promises that are an unhealthy response to pain or problems and actually perpetuate the problems.

1. Very common for us to do, but very dangerous.

2. Examples:

No one will ever hurt me like this again.

I will never let a man/woman treat me like this again.

I'm not going to open myself up to anyone else again. They always end up hurting me.

I'll never let my children be exposed to this type of situation again.

The next time this happens, I'm walking away.

3. Inner Vows are just as dangerous if they are from childhood, but the ones from a previous marriage or relationships carry a special fury toward our new spouse or new friends. 

The problem with inner vows:

1. They are sinful because they deny God's authority over our lives

"Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform your oaths to the Lord.' 34But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is God's throne; 35nor by earth, for it is His footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36No shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. 37But let your 'yes' be 'yes', and your 'no,' be no.' for whatever is more than these is from the evil one."- Matthew 5:33-37

2. They cause us to overreact to life's situations, rather than responding properly.

The opposite extreme is just as wrong.

The Answer:   

• Recognize
• Renounce
•  Request God's guidance and power.s