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Dan's Nuggets
When I don't fall and pray, I invariably fall prey.
Matthew 26:41 KJV - Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
Fall and pray -OR- Fall Prey!
Steps To A Happy Marriage:
1. Never offer your wife driving tips.
2. Never compare her cooking with your mom's cooking.
3. Never disagree with her on the thermostat temperature. Just go ahead and burn up out of your love and devotion to her.
4. Never suggest a scaled-back Christmas with less decor and less gifts, or a smaller Christmas tree.
5. Never agree with her if she says she's loosing hair, her hair is graying, she is getting wrinkles, or she is gaining weight. Lie if you must. Get forgiveness later!
6. Never accompany her while she is shopping. And be sure never to offer suggestions on what shoes she might choose.
7. Never interrupt her while she is on the sacred telephone.
8. Never ask her where she wants to go out to eat, because she will say, "It doesn't matter to me; you choose." Then when you suggest a place, she'll frown.
9. Clean your whiskers out of the sink or die!
10. Never make a spitting sound with your mouth or other bodily noises. And God forbid any bodily odors!
11. Tell her you love her "with or without topping." (Make-up.) Even though you know you prefer her with makeup.
12. Pretend you're not upset for her making you late to church because of her excess primping. Just smile at the pastor while tilting your head and raising your eyebrows; he will understand instantly without a word spoken.
13. Pretend you're not upset on her expenses of designer perfume, designer makeup and designer clothing, then she might pretend she's not upset with the all the expenses of your big-boy toys (hobbies).
14. Don't pick your nose in front of her. Do it somewhere else.
15. Don't touch her when you have cold hands. She might hit her head on the ceiling as she jumps out of her skin.
16. If you are congested in your sinuses, whatever you do, don't make a sniffing, snorting, or hocking sound with your throat. Just go ahead and suffer because you love her and don't want to gross her out!
17. Tell her "You haven't aged a bit; you look the same as you did when you were in your 20's!" God understands this lie and is merciful. Your wife knows you are lying but she appreciates the dishonest effort anyhow.
18. Never tell her she snores. Never! This is grounds for the "D" word!
19. Never tell her "That is your 13th sneeze in a row, sweetheart!"
20. Repent in sackcloth and ashes for not remembering the birthdates of each of your children, how much they weighed, and how long they were, and what time of day they were born, and in exactly which hospital.
21. Overspend on your anniversary gift to her, even if you don't think you have it!
22. Never kiss her after you've eaten onions or garlic.
23. Never disagree with her if she accuses you of stealing all the bed covers from her side of the bed overnight.
24. If she wants 20 layers of covers on the bed, let her have her way. Then you can sleep on top of them all. If you need to find her later, you can dig your way down.
25. Finally, never complain about how many times she changes her hair length, her hair style, or her hair color. Just pretend you love variety which is the spice of life! | 
