Psalm 139: 23 Search me God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

One of my biggest struggles over the course of my life has been with anxiety.   For some reason, when faced with a stressful situation, my mind tends to go to the darkest place.  I lose my perspective and don't trust that the Lord has things under control.  I try to take things into my own hands.

In his book, The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller talks about "The Fear of Christ".  He states, "'Fear 'in the Bible means to be overwhelmed, to be controlled by something.  To fear the Lord is to be overwhelmed with wonder before the greatness of God and his love." Keller then goes on to ask the reader, "What is it that most motivates you and moves you?"  After reading this, I began to ask myself, "What is it that drives me every day?"  When I searched my heart, I realized it is the fear of man!  It is not the fear of the Lord.  I have also come to realize that this is where my anxiety spurs from.  I have seen how my "fear of man" has controlled the way I respond to situations at work, at home, with my family, and with my friends.   Some questions that constantly drive my life are, "What will people think of me?" "How can I make them like me more?" 

Keller further explains in his book, that if anything else in life has a greater controlling influence on you than the reality of God's love, than you will not be in a position to serve others unselfishly.  He explains that fear of Christ is liberation to serve and love others!  Therefore, in order to fight against the controlling influence of my "fear of man" in life, I have to learn how to continually ask myself, "How does Christ see me first?"  I am continuing to find that if I find my acceptance in His eyes before others, and if I pursue His will in every response to a stressful situation, only then can I truly love those around me with His love.   

This weakness of mine only continues to reveal how deep my need is for Him on a daily basis.  It also reveals how important it is to be in His word daily to find truth.  With that said, I would encourage you to read Psalm 139 as you start your day today.  It has been a chapter close to my heart with this particular struggle in my life, and I guarantee it will put your day into the perspective of God's acceptance and love for you. 

(Heather Mayo is a Tallahassee native who has been attending City Church since the first Sunday meeting at Godby.  She is married to the handsome Wayne Mayo, and is step mom to the greatest kids on earth - Easton and Ashley.  Heather works for the College of Music at Florida State University and serves as the Production Support Coordinator at Ruby Diamond Concert Hall.)