Recently the businesses and organizations we work with have been telling me that many of the young people today are incredibly talented at researching information, proficient at computer skills and highly effective in marketing and online social interaction. However, they also tell me how difficult it is to hire young people who can work effectively in interpersonal groups, engage in long-term thinking and planning, undertake sustained problem solving and develop creative solutions requiring persistent attention.

Additionally, one of the most common complaints I hear from businesses and organizations is a breakdown of interpersonal relationships. I believe this is not only a result of more globalized business, but also due to an overreliance on email and text messaging. For many it has become the primary form of communication. To develop and maintain relationships a number of skills are necessary.

To develop and grow interpersonal relationships, it is important for individuals to know and understand what different emotions are, what they feel like, and what they look like in others. Individuals who spend a the majority of their time alone, or working in isolation, may lack self-awareness of their feelings. They may also have underdeveloped skills for monitoring and managing these feelings. Individuals who are able to understand and manage their emotions are going to be more effective in interpersonal relationships and more satisfied in their interactions. Those that can't, tend to be at the mercy of their emotions and are often unable to respond effectively to other people and their surroundings.

Managing emotions requires the ability to take care of oneself, maintain being present in the midst of anxiety and the skill to shaking off gloomy and irritable days. The inability to accomplish this may allow it to persist and can lead to depression and ineffective reactions to whatever current condition exists. Individuals that manage emotions effectively often are persistent at positive self talk, may engage in relaxation, prayer or meditation and have interests that involve other people; which forms a positive social group support and a place where perspective can be gained.

External motivators can only take us so far. There comes a point where it is necessary to learn to motivate ourselves. Socially isolated individuals, who tend to or spend a great deal of time working by themselves, may find difficulty in motivating themselves. Often satisfaction can be gained from challenging activities that demand focused attention for extended periods of time. Achieving these flow states, or being in the zone, can be difficult if self-mastery and creativity skills are underdeveloped. These states can be highly pleasurable and often result in elevated output that reinforces the entire process. When individuals are unable to attend and focus on such creative endeavors for extended periods, they often fail to achieve the satisfaction and results they seek and become disenchanted in the process.

Empathic individuals are often better able to appropriately respond to others needs and understand their part in meeting those needs. Managing relationships is not only an interpersonal aptitude, but also a vital business skill that every person needs today. We all need to recognize the need to practice these skills on a regular basis, paying attention to our social competency lest we ineffectively managing anger, frustration, accepting feedback and making and receiving complements and apologies.

In spite of all of the advances technology has afforded us, interpersonal relationships still form the foundation for business and in creating functional organizations. Life is a personal experience, but how personal are we willing to be? I don't know about you, but I know that I'm one of the most difficult people I have ever had to work with.  It's important to start with ourselves before we can expect others to understand what's going on within us. When we better understand ourselves, other people seem to make a whole lot more sense!

Be well,

John