Don't Tell Me What Not To Do 

While sitting in church one Sunday morning, I watched as a young man around nine years of age, sitting in the church pew to the side of me, appeared to be bored and distracted.  For awhile he sat on the bench, he'd then twirl around, followed by standing periodically to face the back of the church.  At times he would even sit on the kneeler and examine various things under the pew in front of him. Throughout the service his mother kept attempting to redirect him, but at no time did I see her engage him in what was going on with the service, or instruct him as to what she wanted him to do.

Often this happens in families, schools, businesses and organizations. As leaders it's sometimes easy to see when someone is doing something wrong, but do you fail to provide guidance so that those you supervise know exactly what you would like to see from them?  

After being involved with, and teaching supervision for over 20 years, I firmly believe most individuals want to do a good job. However, they may often find they are uncertain of the expectations they are to meet. Supervisors often think they are clear in providing direction, but fail to recognize the person they are directing might not have the same experience, knowledge and vision that they hold. This is often referred to as the Curse of Knowledge; failure to remember what it was like not to know!

Do you remember learning to tie your shoes?  You may remember the frustration that went along with it, or the joy of success once you achieved that elusive knot, but now that you've done it repeatedly, it has become second nature. The difficulty in teaching someone to tie their shoes is remembering what it was like when you didn't know. And breaking it down into simple, sequential steps can be extremely difficult for someone with experience, knowledge and vision.

Here are some simple, but not always easy, steps to help in the process of providing instruction.  First, after telling someone what you would like them to do ask them to describe it back to you, so you can hear the steps they will take to achieve the task. Often we assume we clearly communicate, when we're really not. Next, ask them to perform it in front of you and watch, without input, for opportunities to improve on their methods. This will give you an opportunity to see their interpretation and witness anything you may have left out in your directions. Don't always assume that they didn't understand, since you may have fallen short in giving adequate directions.

Finally, remember that often others achieve the results you want, by a somewhat different path. Does what you're asking them to do require them taking the exact path? Is the achievement of the goal adequate? If the outcome is what is important, and not the path they take to get there, accept the difference and avoid being controlling. Being overly controlling can minimize motivation and become discouraging.

Here are some additional steps that you can take to get you and the person you're working with on the same page. Clarify what the individual heard you say, and what you heard from them. Find out how often they need to hear from you during the process, or if they want to check in should they have questions. How often do you need to hear from them while they are working toward the goal?  What do they expect to hear from you at the completion of the process?  What support, input or guidance do they need in the process? Is this individual someone requiring regular input, or do they only need your direction should they need it?  The clearer the expectations, the less doubt there is in how to proceed.

Let's go back to the scenario of the mother and the child in church. The mother could engage the young man in what to look for during the service; who does what, when and why? She could instruct him as to the process, that there is a beginning, a middle and an end; which would give him some idea where he is in that process. She can instruct him on the symbolism, the relevance of the minister's actions and the outcome to be achieved. Afterwards she could get his take on it all, and after the service to fill in the spaces in his understanding. Having an sense of why he's there, his part is in the process and his expectations could go a long way toward improving everyone's outcomes.

Be well,

John