Professional Head Shot                                               
 
 
The Hope Digest
 
 
  
                                          
Tracey J Schreiber, MS CACI CC
counselor, coach, consultant, mentor
March 2013
In This Issue
Reminder!
Something to Think About
Breaking Myths
Time to Celebrate
Coming Soon!
Relationships
Feature Article
Universal Truth
Tools You Can Use!
 _____________
Pay it Forward
  
The key is to be generous and not expect anything in return.
*   Purchase coffee or food for the car behind you in the drive through
*   Donate in the name of a friend, family member, or random neighbor
*   Play 'secret santa' to an office co-worker or person at the gym
*   Buy someone's groceries at the store
*   Bake or buy cookies for the nursing home, doctor office, animal shelter, or other business you frequent
*   Get and hold the door open for others all day tomorrow or on Tuesdays.
*   Shovel the neighbors sidewalk/drive
  
I do my best work when it is a spontaneous action.   Try it and change someone's day - and yours!
Reminder!
 
Check out more articles and topics on my Blog.
  
Recent "June" posts include: 'When I Don't Hear From Her' and  'Cranky'.  My June blog is written from the caregiver perspective.
 
Recent topics posted include: Stress Reduction, Change, Valentine's Day, and Blended Family.
  
Please pass this information on to friends and family or those who have been diagnosed with cancer or are caregivers.  I want to provide a place to share experiences and motivations.
Something to think about... 

 

What percentage are you contributing to your relationship?
 
If it isn't 100%, you can do more!
Breaking Myths!
 

 Love lasts forever...

 

Well, yes and no.  Love itself comes in many forms.  The love you feel for your spouse initially will intensify and weaken over time.  There will be moments when you will be more like friends/ roommates.   There is much work to be done to sustain "love".

CelebrateTime to celebrate ~

March is Women's History, Frozen Food, Irish American Heritage, and Red Cross month  Notable dates: Employee Appreciation Day - 1st

Panic Day - 9th

Worship of Tools Day - 11th

Everything You Do Is Right Day - 16th

National "Joe" Day - 27th

Easter - 31st

 

April is National Humor  (esp 4/1!) and Stress Awareness month.  Notable dates:

Reconciliation Day - 2nd

Walk to Work Day - 5th

No Housework Day - 7th

Moment of Laughter - 14th

Tax Day - 15th

High Five Day - 18th

Take a Chance Day - 23rd

Administrative Professional Day - 24th

Honesty Day - 30th

 

These are just a few for fun and information sharing!

Quick Links...  

 

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Coming Soon...
in a newsletter to you! 
 
Boundaries
Anger
Self-Esteem
Divorce
Friendships Communication
Holiday Survival Parenting
Blended Families Workplace Issues
Stress
Grief/Loss
Feelings
Chronic Illness
Distortions
Aging Parents
 
And much more!

 

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Hello! 

 

Uh oh, tax time.   Yep - this time of year can be very taxing, right?!   Remember to take time for yourself, do fun things to balance the serious stuff, and prioritize activities to practice time management.  Perhaps March 16th will help with stress...  it's National Everything You Do Is Right Day!   Celebrate!!!!

 

The feature article this month is based on a personal realization I've encountered on this one year anniversary of my father's passing.  Working with clients in their grief, several have eluded to what I believe I may be feeling, but they were never able to articulate it.

  

Just a reminder - I strive to publish the newsletter the first Monday of the month.  Blogs are posted every Monday (Journey With June) and Thursday (Miscellaneous Topics).   I apologize to those who would like a weekly newsletter but this just cannot happen at this time.  I thoroughly enjoy my clients and my practice, and the time I invest in these activities.

 

Take care, Tracey

 

PS - Would you be interested in an "Ask Tracey" article?  Obviously your name would withheld.   Send me an email and I will answer your question in upcoming editions.

 

 

 

Relationships

D-i-v-o-r-c-e

By the Numbers

 

 

  I wish I had good news... or could put a positive twist to this topic, but anyway you cut it, the numbers are dismal.

 

The 2009 government census report reflects 56% of first marriages fail.   The highest divorce rate is depicted in marriages of five years or less.   Guess the good news is the divorce rate decreases significantly for couples married 25+ years, and continues to decrease.

 

An article in Psychology Today (Branschick, Mark February 2012) states the divorce rate for second marriages increases to 67%, and third marriages are a whopping 73%!  

 

Is it true that "if at first you don't succeed, try and try again?"   It doesn't appear to be the right answer.   It looks to me that if you do not find your part of the failure you are destined to repeat the problem.   

 

A couple of big things jump out at me (only a couple); One - What about these statistics is good for the children of these divorces?  Two - What kind of hit does your self-esteem take in repeating this pattern?   There are so many more considerations but these are the two bigs ones I ask initially.

 

To break this pattern it is important to reflect on what you are looking for.  What are you trying to find in another person you cannot give yourself?   What have you learned from previous experience that will make the next time different?  How much responsibility do you take for your part in the relationship?

 

I'll leave you with this tidbit...  you should wait at least 1 month per year of marriage before getting into a serious relationship.   The longer you wait and work on you, the more likely you will succeed in the next relationship.

 

                                       Tracey J. Schreiber, MS CC

 

"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find and continue to find grounds for marriage."                                         - Robert Anderson

Feature Topic 
Woke up an Orphan
 

 I had a client once tell me when her brother died that he was her rock, the one person who was always present everyday of her life.   I understood that.   From a place of compassion, I could see where that relationship loss would leave a hole in her heart.   She told me about how he was the one who knew the good and the bad - all her secrets.  Even more so than her friends and parents.  That left a huge impression on me.

 

Last year, March 28th, my father passed away.   I lost a relationship with my mother many years ago and now my father was gone.  I truly felt like an orphan.  I was no longer a daughter to anyone.   That role was no longer bestowed upon me.   What was I to do?

 

It hit home on my birthday in January.   At 47, I'm all grown up.   Funny isn't it that some where deep inside, just being a daughter some how granted me permission to not grow up!?   Even though I took care of my dad while he was ailing and made all the big grown up decisions in his best interest, I still felt like a kid... his little girl in so many 

ways.  

 

There are a lot of cliche's that run through my head at times of reflection.  I choose to summon my own words of wisdom from my heart...  I am the best part of my parents, I live to be the best I can be, I wish to be a positive mark on those who share my time with me.

 

Who have you lost and how have you made sense of the void?   How did your roles change?   Who are you now, without that loved one?

 

  
" Grief does not change you, it reveals you". 
                                                    - John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
 
"If you have a sister and she dies, do you stop saying you have one? Or are you always a sister, even when the other half of the equation is gone?"                   -  Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper
 Universal Truth
  
 Expectancy

 Def: to wait for, look for as due or necessary, to presume or anticipate.

  
Expect only the unexpected.  What you expect in a situation can greatly influence the outcome.  Define clearly what you truly expect.  Set goals for yourself, not others.  Are you living up to your own expectations?
Janelle's Corner...

Happiness

            What is it and how do I get it?

 

 

Happy people are truly engaged in life's experiences and invest in pursuing their dreams for the future. Happy people are drawn to:

 

-          Finding meaningful ways to give of their time and talents by serving others (ex. volunteering).

-          Searching for finding life's passions and participating in activities they love

-          Striving to be all they can be by stretching their comfort zones.

-          Healing and resolving pain and conflict in relationships - not only with others but within one's self.

-          Building and nurturing deep relationships with family and friends

-          Being involved in one's community.

-          Exercising and committed to living a healthy lifestyle.

-          Developing and pursuing personal goals, including physical, financial and professional.

-          Practicing the attitude of gratitude. This means truly being grateful for the gifts you receive in life!

 

Remember to not compare yourself with anyone else - you are your own person - you are unique with your own gifts, power and abilities and style. Practice finding happiness each day - you won't regret it!

 

 By Janelle Womack, MA LPC NCC

303-808-5492

Thank you for your interest in receiving solid information, tips, and tools for Relationships, Divorce Recovery, Remarriage and Step-Parenting; and special topics related to Chronic Illness and Grief & Loss.
  
The Hope Digest aims to provide guidance and support to help you maneuver through the inevitable struggles that will appear in your life from time to time.
  
Everyone can use a champion who has their back!  Please consider me YOUR champion and relationship specialist.  Together we can partner, prepare, plan, and practice your next steps.  Whether you are thinking of dating, remarrying, becoming a step-parent, or you are a biological parent to a step child, you can be happy AND a good parent.    You can heal, break old relationship patterns, and trust in love again.
  
I invite your comments and questions!  Let me know what you need and how I can help.     
Sincerely,
 
Tracey