First, ask what the child knows about the events of the day. This way a parent can clarify distortions, and help the child get clear information. Encourage and eagerly invite questions. This allows a parent to discover the degree of distress, distortion or worry your child may be experiencing. You may try asking your child "What was the hardest thing about today for you?" and "Is there anything else you haven't told me yet?".
Encourage your child not to worry alone!
Sorting out concerns for personal safety, here and now, may be first on your child's mind. Specifically, younger children have not developed a clear sense of physical distance. It may be very beneficial to help your child understand how far away New York or Washington are from Boston.
The complicated and unanswerable questions need not be answered today. Your child will understand that a thoughtful response may take time and require all of us to consult with many others and over time for an answer.
Some kids may not want to go to school tomorrow. Understanding the distress of your child is paramount in making such decisions. In the morning, you might ask your child how they are feeling. A parent may ask the child directly if he or she is afraid of what happened yesterday. Some kids may say they have a bellyache or sore throat. While some may actually be physically ill, it is not unusual for kids to react emotionally through physical complaints. If your child seems very distressed, then school is not in order. You may choose to keep your child home for part of the day. You might consider driving your child to school. For some adolescents, it may be helpful to be in school with other peers. It may be helpful for the parent to call other parents and see what they are doing.
Should kids watch television about the events. Yes, with parental guidance. Infants and toddlers, especially, should be protected from violent and graphic images. There is no way that kids can be sheltered from the media portrayal of such events. Naturally, parents should do what they feel comfortable with. However, it is far better for kids to watch TV with parental guidance in order to ask questions and present their emotional responses than do it alone, or even with peers. If a child does not want to see the graphic events, he or she should not have to.
We have included some specific suggestions for talking with your children about the news depending on your child's developmental stage, their chronological age, personality and previous experiences. Most important is to be physically and emotionally present with them.
Infants:
*Parents should be aware that infants pick up on the anxieties and actions of those around them. Try to remain calm when interacting with your infant - keep routine consistent and provide their usual environment.
*Infants may be fussy in reaction to anxieties around them.
Toddlers:
*Keep routines consistent
*TV and Radio News Experiences should be in the presence of an adult
*Offer toddlers videos to watch, read books, play with your child
*If toddler asks questions about what is going on - answer in simple terms - let them know that you are there to keep them safe
Preschoolers:
*TV and Radio News Experiences should be in the presence of an adult
*If your preschooler asks questions about what is going on - answer in simple terms - let them know that you are there to keep them safe
*Keep your child close to you - play with them. You could also connect with other friends - get a little play group going
*Do some type of special activity - watch a movie, play a game, bake cookies
School Age Children:
*TV and Radio News Experiences should be in the presence of an adult
*It may be most important to be with this age group - they are more interested than younger children but may be less capable then older children with coping and communicating
*Reassure that there are people working to keep them safe and that you together as a family will be safe
*Offer activities - do a puzzle, play a game, bake cookies
Adolescents:
*
Just be present....wait....Listen - Listen - Listen...
*Watch the TV News with them
*Engage your adolescent in healthy conversation - 'How did you first hear about this today?' 'How did you feel when you heard it?' 'Do any of your friends have family in the places that have been hurt?'
*Share your feelings with them honestly
*Encourage them to express their feelings of anger and brain storm with them how they can deal with those feelings
*Let them know that they are safe. Together as a family they will be safe
*Have them let you know where they are going and who they will be with and how you will reach them if you need to
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Courtesy of The Rev. Gina M. Finocchiaro, Senior Minister, First Congregational Church of Wolfeboro
We hope you have enjoyed reading our e-News and we encourage your feedback to help us make it even better. We publish an issue weekly on Friday afternoon, to help keep you up to date and in touch with our current news and activities. We think this may be especially helpful to those that are unable to attend our Sunday worship services, are out of town and away for the season. Please let us know if you have some information you would like us to share in future issues of this newsletter.