Cultural Awareness
With so many different people teaching their own versions of diversity and cultural sensitivity, we sometimes lose the concept of respect for others because of all the rules we are taught to memorize.
So, I want to share some stories with you of situations I've been in or observed that are completely unrelated to the workplace - but - you will easily see how they do relate to what we are really trying to teach in the workplace - courtesy and sensitivity to the values of others.
The Sail makers Island
The first story comes from a trip I took several years ago to the Abaco Islands in the Caribbean. I was with a group of psychologists - so you'd think what I am about to tell you couldn't possibly have happened - but it did.
We were on a small privately owned "tall ship." Our ship had been made by local craftsmen. One day we were to visit the island of the sail makers. This was an island somewhat isolated and we were told that the residents never left the island and thus were really living in a past-century way of life. Our captain asked us to dress conservatively. Men were asked to wear long pants and we women either skirts (not mini-skirts) or long pants. All of us were asked to wear long sleeved conservative tops.
That was easy enough for most of us - but one woman protested loudly (yes, she was a therapist - unfortunately) that no one was going to tell her how to dress. Our Captain, not taking any guff from any one, politely informed her that she could stay aboard ship if she were not dressed conservatively.
Lawyers in Court
Years ago, I, along with some judges, trained young lawyers in how to present themselves in court. Among the lessons taught was appropriate court-room clothing. Conservative suits for both men and women. In those days, men needed to be clean shaved.
Of course, there was always the one young man who wanted to make his political statement by dressing differently. It was my job to convince this outlier that he was not representing himself, or his political activism in court, but that he was representing a client - and thus needed to be dressed in the appropriate courtroom "uniform."
Richard in Africa
While on Safari we were blessed with a guide/driver named Richard for several days of our trip. He was extraordinary. Knowledgeable, kind, interesting and highly educated. So, it was not surprising that my niece and I became very friendly with him. That's how we made the horrible faux-pas we made.
On our last evening with Richard, Gabrielle, my niece invited Richard to join us for dinner in the dining room. She did this in front of me and in front of Richard. She did this without checking with me first, knowing I too enjoyed his company and was not prejudiced or snobby about status. Unfortunately, I was more aware than she of the inappropriateness of this because of the spot it would put on his peers who now had to wait on him in the dining room. Status is very important in this area of the world.
The maitre d' was horrified when we asked for another place to be set at our table, with a very uncomfortable Richard lagging behind us as we walked in. He had tried to decline but Gabrielle was insistent he join us, and I didn't want to "be the bad guy" and say no. Needless to say, the wait staff was uncomfortable and tried to hide their resentment and Richard, so sure of himself on Safari was equally uncomfortable being a guest in the guests-only dining room.
I hasten to add that I love our values more than their status ones. I love that Gabrielle sees the world in much the way I do and didn't even think about status-issues, or race issues for that matter. Richard was African.
BUT, "when in Rome do as the Romans" - in other words we need to be respectful of the values of those we are visiting - whether we agree or not.
Dubai
We were in Dubai during Ramadan and thus we needed to be even more aware than we might have been of dressing conservatively. It was the courtesy we extended to those hosting us.
Opera and Symphony
OK - you are now asking yourself, what does this have to do with my topic. Well, in my opinion it is the same thing. Dressing in jeans or camping clothes to go to a formal (or semi-formal) event shows you don't care. I think it also shows you don't have much respect for yourself. How have we - especially here in Silicon Valley - become so casual and so sloppy?
Conclusion
It is an act of simple courtesy to accept the customs of the locale you are visiting - unless of course you are being asked to do something immoral or violent.
So, how do we apply this concept to the workplace?
I can't resist sharing the picture that just popped into my head of the HR woman who was very critical of any hint of sexual harassment or teasing. Every time I saw her while consulting to her organization she was wearing a sheer low cut peasant blouse and when she bent even slightly a huge portion of her breasts - almost to the nipple - was exposed. She was seen by others as a hypocrite.
When doing sexual harassment training I note that the range between mild-teasing and a belief that the behavior in question was definitely inappropriate sexual harassment varies from culture to culture and from age-group to age-group. Some people believe that it is wrong to even touch a member of the opposite sex that is not a member of your immediate family. By touch I mean a handshake.
Side by side we work together all of us coming from entirely different backgrounds with different customs and values. Let's be courteous to the full range - not just that which meets our own prejudices.
Some years ago I wrote the following piece of prose after learning to understand that a person who was a hero to us was the enemy of our Mexican neighbors. A local fire department was having a brouhaha over a hat called "Sam Bowie." I've shared this with you before, but given this article I chose to share it again.
Sticks "N Stones Will Break My Bones
But Words Will Break My Heart
By: ArLyne Diamond, Ph.D.
October, 1992
Remember the old children's retort "Sticks 'n stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me?" Children would chant it in an attempt to deal with the pain of insults, slurs, teasing and other verbal taunts.
Did it work? A little bit.
Acts of bravado do indeed make us feel a little bit better about ourselves but, and this is a very important but, they never do erase the pain and humiliation we experience when others call us names or say bad things about "our kind."
In this age of expediency, pragmatism, and political-correctness, we seem to have lost some important social truths! It is hurtful to say things about a person - or parts of their anatomy - or a group of people - that leaves them embarrassed, humiliated, or diminished in any way. Although beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, insults are in the ear of the receiver.
So, if the other person, or group of people, believes a word, phrase or symbol to be ugly, demeaning, threatening or insulting, it is. It is because it is to them.
The bottom line is if you don't intend to hurt others, please pay attention to and respect the requests of the group or individuals who ask us not to use certain descriptors or symbols.
