I am writing to a specific audience, an audience of millions.  In 2009, CBS news reported that Americans spend approximately 35 billion a year on weight-loss products.  35 BILLION!!  With all this money being spent on weight loss, why is America fatter than it has ever been?  Why is it the norm that 90-95% of people who do lose weight gain it back within 2 years?  Every person I know who has lost weight truly enjoys the positive effects of weight loss - clothes fitting nicely, more energy, less shame and embarrassment.  However, in the long run, most will make choices that will inevitably put the weight back on.  What is happening here?

I have extensive personal experience with the dilemma of weight loss.  I have been in the health and fitness business since 1985; full-time since 1988.  For six years I taught a plethora of  health and wellness classes at a local university.  I was/am engaged in corporate wellness programs.  I have years of education and certifications in this field, and yet, at one point (2010) I weighed 267 lbs (my weight most of my life was between 160-165; I am 5'10).  This fact is so embarrassing for me it is difficult to put it in writing.  No more button/zipper jeans - only stretch waist.  Size 2x tops, and even they were starting to feel tight.  I was training clients to be fit as I ate cookies, pastries, and candy between appointments.  No joke.  The shame and embarrassment I carried with me every day for years was crippling.  Long-term clients were witnessing me getting fatter and fatter.  I kept waiting for them to fire me.  None did.  I am puzzled by that because I would have fired me.  What is really bizarre is that new clients kept coming!!  I would think to myself, "Don't they see how fat I am?  Why would they hire me to help with their fitness and wellness when I can't even do it for myself?"  I never asked anyone these questions, so I do not know the answers.

I really started gaining a lot of weight in 2004.  Up until that point, I had been pretty fit.  At times, extremely fit.  What changed?  I realize now I was using exercise as a form of bulimia.  I have always eaten healthy food along with a good amount of sugary junk food, but the exercise kept the weight off.  Finally, in my early 40's my body could not longer take the abusive amount of exercise I was doing; serious chronic feet and knee problems were followed by back surgery.  I was forced to change my exercise habits and the weight came with it.  Then began the relentless pursuit of various food and diet plans to lose weight.  Did I lose weight? Yes.  Did I keep it off?  No.  I became one of the millions!!

In 2010 I knew I had to do something different.  I was so tired of the pressure I kept putting on myself to lose weight.  I felt exhausted by the relentless chatter in my head every minute of every day.  It went something like this:

            I want this, I want that, but I already ate. If I eat that, then later I will be real good in my food choices.  I am not going to eat sugar today. Well, if I have those 2 donuts, I will increase intensity of my workout, or I will get back on the wagon tomorrow.  I have already blown it for today, so I might as well go for it the rest of today.  It is the weekend, so I will eat whatever I want just over the weekend, then Monday morning...that's it. I am really going to buckle down. (You get the picture).

What changed?  There have been many steps in this process.  The first step was to admit I needed help; a different kind of help.  I needed to understand the factors that were driving me to the food, that caused me to eat so often when I was not hungry, that brought me to a point in my life where self-loathing was my closest companion, and food was my best friend.  I was an athlete.  How did this happen to me?  In Part II (next issue), I will expound on the process that has changed my life and has freed me from compulsive overeating!!