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| Dr. Magryta |  | |
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Issue: #42
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October 6, 2014
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Volume 4, Letter 42
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October 6, 2014
3 Things Most Parents MissWhen Trying to Help Their Child
by Kristen Oliver
As parents, we all want to do the best for our children, right? And parenting can be challenging, especially when we watch our kids floundering as they deal with academic pressures, low self-esteem, perfectionism, peer stressors, etc. We may be concerned about inattention, lack of cooperation, sibling conflict or disrespectful behavior. If there are additional emotional, social, sensory, learning or behavioral difficulties, this can add to the struggle.
Our desire to "make it better" for our kids can lead us to research the next best parenting strategy, ask a close friend for advice or seek the help of a professional. We do this because we truly love our children and want them to be happy and healthy.
But when we continuously try to change or fix what is "wrong" with our kids, we often end up with temporary results. Many of us are stuck-doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different outcome. Einstein defined insanity this way. Does this mean that we are all insane? I feel that way at times and many of my clients have expressed this as well. We know what we are doing is not working, but what do we do???
Let's take a look at three big strategies that we often overlook when trying to help our kids.
1. BRING AWARENESS TO OUR OWN THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS.
I can see that my child is feeling angry, but how am I feeling in the moment?
Bringing objective, non-judgmental awareness to our own thoughts and feelings offers a new perspective. Pay attention to what feelings come up for you when your child argues, brings home a negative behavior report from school, or engages in disrespectful behavior.
The simple act of observing our own thoughts and feelings brings heightened mindfulness (or alertness) and can prevent us from repeating an old pattern in which we do or say something that we really don't want to. While observing our own thoughts and emotions, we simultaneously become more present with our children. This simple act is very powerful for them as they work through their issue.
2. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT IS OURS!
Do I have a part in this conflict? If so, what can I do about it?
If we're really honest with ourselves, we can see that our children often mirror our own behaviors, negative patterns and limiting beliefs. This is a key point. The problem is, most of us aren't consciously aware of these patterns because they are running on continuous replay in our unconscious mind.
Start to recognize your own choices when you are experiencing family chaos. In other words, once you've observed your own thoughts and feelings during an upsetting event, retrace your own decisions for the day. Could you have made a different choice that would have favorably influenced the outcome?
A recent personal example comes to mind. As we were rushing out of the house late one morning, my daughter started crying because she forgot something that was important to her. I became aware of my feelings of frustration. Couldn't my daughter see that this item was not as important as being on time? That was, of course, my opinion. I recalled that I had started breakfast later than usual after deciding to get a few extra emails out. Had I made a different choice, we would have been on schedule, and my daughter's retrieval of a special object at the last minute wouldn't have been an issue. I empathized with myself and with her and my frustration dissipated, knowing I could make new decisions about my own morning routine.
Taking responsibility for our own patterns and choices helps us to see how we contribute to family dynamics.
3. LEARN TO LOVE AND FORGIVE OURSELVES.
We teach best by our example.
We all regularly make mistakes in our personal and professional lives. These mistakes do not define who we are. They are simply choices that we have made. We can always make different choices in the future. Rather than feeling guilty and burrowing into the blame and shame rabbit hole, what would happen if we decided to love and accept ourselves anyway?
Create an unspoken environment of love and acceptance in your home by practicing self-love and self-forgiveness. You'll likely discover, as I did, that something profound occurs with your children-they start to do the same. A child that can accept her/ himself despite mistakes can more easily navigate life, as she/he will not be weighed down by overwhelming burdens of perfectionism and regret. When a child experiences unconditional love, it opens doors of possibility beyond what we can imagine.
Whether we like it our not, our own patterns and behaviors, as well as our home environment in general, are the biggest influences in the lives of our children. By living what we are teaching, we create an environment of unconditional love. It must start with us!
Kristen Oliver is a pediatric occupational therapist. Kristen works with families on an individual basis and in groups through her business, Creative Connection, PLLC and is working on her first book.
To receive a free parenting video series and subscribe to Kristen's newsletter go to
www.kristenoliver.com. She is also hosting a parenting workshop on October 23rd. Go to her website for details.
Great advice is always worth sharing! |
| Protein | |
From the Detox Challenge, Dr. Diana Minich has been discussing how protein is beneficial for us. Here is her advice:
Detoxification is a process that requires nutrients and energy. One of the nutrients that fuels good metabolism and transport of toxins through the liver is protein. The building blocks of protein, amino acids, get coupled to a toxin so that it can be sent through the body to be eliminated in either bile (and then out through the small intestine and stool) or urine.
Action Steps:
- Eat high-quality protein at every meal
- Use your Tracking Journal to assess your protein intake
- Note how you feel after eating protein and whether you have any digestive issues. Talk with a Functional Medicine practitioner if you have any gut issues that may need resolution.
Good quality protein is essential during a detoxification program. Protein helps stabilize your blood sugar, which in turn keeps your hunger at bay. When possible, include some protein in every meal. High-quality proteins of any kind are the best choice, including lean, grass-fed, organic, non-GMO animal sources and wild-caught fish.
If you are a vegan, eat nuts, seeds, and legumes. If you eat animal products, wild-caught fish, poultry, and turkey are your best options. If you choose to take a protein powder in a shake or smoothie, hypoallergenic rice or pea proteins are excellent choices.
You can track your protein intake on the Tracking Journal by checking off the "P" box next to food intake to show that you ate protein in that meal. Animal and vegetable sources of protein count equally on this form!
Notice how certain high-protein foods make you feel. Note whether you feel sluggish, energized, or grounded 30-90 minutes after eating. Do you feel satiated, or do you feel like eating again soon after the previous meal? Keep track of any changes in your body on your Tracking Journal so you can see whether a pattern emerges. For example, if you get bloated or feel distension every time you eat high amounts of protein, this result may tell you something about your digestion or that you may be intolerant to a food (food trigger).
Here's to getting healthy, quality protein in our daily diet!
Deanna Minich, PhD, Host of the Detox Challenge
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Dr. M
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| Recipe of the Week | |
Detox Pancakes version 1
Ingredients:
1 Cup plus 2 Tbsp of gluten free rolled oats
2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp of each - allspice, ginger and nutmeg
1/2 tsp of salt and baking soda
2/3 Cup of pumpkin puree
1/3 Cup of unsweetened apple sauce
1/3 Cup of unsweetened coconut milk
2 Tbsp of melted coconut oil
1 Tbsp maple syrup
1 tsp of vanilla extract
Egg replacer:
2/3 Cup of water
2 Tbsp of ground flax seed
Directions:
in a bowl, mix ground flax seed and water. Let stand for 5 minutes to gel. Blend oats in blender until fine and then add salt, baking soda and spices. in a new bowl, whisk together the pumping puree, apple sauce, milk, coconut oil, egg replacer, maple syrup and vanilla extract. Add the dry ingredients and then mix until just combined. Do not over mix.
Heat a non stick pan or iron skillet on medium heat. Lightly oil the surface. Add 1/4 cup amount of batter to skillet in a circle pattern. Cook until the edges begin to lightly bubble. Flip and cook for 2 more minutes. These pancakes take a lot longer to cook than traditional pancakes. Be patient.
Serve and enjoy.
I have started freezing them. Many mornings, I will toast two of them, smear sun butter and drizzle honey on top. Now this is true quality.
From the IFM Detox program.
Dr. M
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The newsletter archive can be found in the links section. New readers can now go back in time to learn about the future!
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Copyright � 2010-2014 Christopher J. Magryta, MD. Readers, please note: The information provided in this newsletter is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for advice and treatment provided by your physician or other healthcare professional and is not to be used to diagnose or treat a health issue.
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Chris Magryta
Salisbury Pediatric Associates
Touchstone Pediatrics |
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