May 13, 2013
Experiencing the world of children's competitive sports has been interesting. I am amazed at the way parents behave on the sidelines and berate their young children.
After traveling to Roanoke, Virginia for a soccer tournament last weekend, I was forlorn to hear some parents talk about their child as if he was out there for blood and nothing but success was acceptable.
Now don't get me wrong, I want my child to be great as well, but that is where it ends.
His accomplishments are his own and not for us to expect nor pass judgement on. That is REALLY hard to do. We have so much desire wrapped up into our kids and ourselves. It is a great goal though.
I overheard a father yelling across the field at his 9 year old son multiple times for not saving the ball while in goal. I hope the child could not hear his "unconditionally loving" father. Why was his father intent on this destructive path for his son?
My guess is that the father was living vicariously through his child and his success mirrored his father's need for approval.
It is very important that we as "unconditionally loving" parents maintain the goal of helping our children grow and not having expectations that are grounded in our need.
Thoughts on growth:
1) If they start something that they choose, they must finish it.
2) Encourage them to have fun at the endeavor that they are setting out to do.
3) Watch out for your needs and how they are influencing your self talk and out loud talk to your child. ( I remember telling my then 5 year old son that he "wasn't hustling enough" one practice. The next week he said to me, "daddy, did I hustle enough for you?" Dagger in my heart. Lesson learned. It was not about me and I apologized. I explained why I thought that it was important for him to hustle, if he wanted to. Unfortunately, I still have that urge to tell him to hustle. Luckily, I mostly keep my mouth shut now.
4) Encourage them to try many things and find their passion. Everyone excels to their ability at a passionate game.
Love your kid whether they are great, average or below par.
Don't be that parent, but we are human,