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Dear Parents,
As we get ready for 2016, I find myself reflecting on all the great conversations that I have had with students, teachers and parents over the last few months. These conversations are evidence that we all have our priorities in order. We have a strong partnership and an ongoing dedication to the happiness of our students and their learning experiences and outcomes.
One recent conversation prompted me to share our philosophy, and describe the resources that we implement when students make mistakes, related to behavior and social interactions. Although we have many proactive ways we manage student behavior, this article is about how we react when something happens or something is brought to our attention. First of all, I want you to know that our staff feels confident and passionate about this topic. We believe that school is the place for kids to make mistakes and that making mistakes is part of growing up. I recently read an article published in the Mindset Works newsletter that outlined four different types of mistakes. I found this graphic really helpful. 
When a student makes a mistake, we treat each and every situation individually. We do not believe in a one-size-fits-all approach because every situation and every child is unique. Our discipline system is rooted in our mindset work. Being a valued friend and a courageous citizen is the result of a lot of practice. We are not born compassionate; we learn from our role-models, our interactions with others, lessons taught in school, and our mistakes. We do not believe in zero-tolerance policies because they do not work. There is no research to support their effectiveness in changing student behavior or reducing school incidents. When students make poor behavior choices at Oak Knoll we take a restorative approach. - We listen to both sides of every story, mediate conversations, focus on feelings and honesty and, depending on the situation, discuss the real-world implications.
- We then work on a plan for the student(s) to build back what was broken down by the misbehavior, whether it is the relationship with a friend or the trust of a classmate or teacher.
- The consequence is appropriate and fitting to the situation so the students can reflect, restore, and renovate their behavior and future choices. Many times students come up with the way they will make the situation better and we facilitate their plan.
- At all times, we work to protect the privacy and reputation of the students involved. Depending on the situation, we involve the parents.
For students who have more complex, or repeated behaviors, many people on the outside might only see the tip of a very big iceberg of support. Under the surface, all hands are on deck and we apply layers of behavior intervention. Students with behavior needs may see our counselor, work with the school psychologist to develop a behavior support plan, or attend our U-Turn program (which helps students turn around any behavior pattern and get on a better path). A plan might include daily check-ins with staff, coaching, encouragement, peer support, daily home-school connection, and positive reinforcements around specific behavior goals. We also engage regularly in collaboration around specific student needs, specialist observations and parent meetings. When your child talks about a student who appears to struggle with behavior it is good to remind them that everyone is working on something and people can change and improve. Sometimes as a parent it is hard to know when to get the school involved in an issue between kids. We try hard to act as coaches and support the kids from the sidelines in solving their own social problems. This is important work, and we always want you to encourage your child to talk to their classroom teacher. With that said, the wise words of my mother in-law always remind me: "When in doubt, check it out." Just as you might call the advice nurse when your child has mild symptoms, we invite you to tap into our school resources when you are questioning the seriousness of something your child reported to you. We are fortunate to have our School Counselor, Nicole Scott and our School Psychologist, Jenny Ryan. Both are resources for you, as well as your child(ren). If you ever have concerns regarding bullying, ALWAYS contact us. Bullying is a tricky term because it can be easily confused with the more common situation of kids being mean or rude to one another, which is unfortunate but developmentally normal. Our staff is very good at looking into each case and determining the problem and then the solution. The Huffington Post recently published a helpful article that differentiates the behaviors, titled Rude vs. Mean vs. Bullying: Defining the Differences. Although we do not have many instances of students with behavior challenges or bullying, we are well resourced to handle them if they arise. However, most often we are helping students by providing support, mediation, guidance, and a safe place while they navigate their social worlds, make mistakes, and work to better themselves. Oak Knoll is a place where kids can learn truly valuable life lessons, from the importance of being honest about their choices, to learning how their choices can influence their friendships and the feelings of those around them. Whether a student is sent to the office for taking a cookie from the lunch line or being a poor sport after losing a competitive game of four-square, I always say that I am glad they made the mistake here because it is an important opportunity to learn while they are young. The Oak Knoll staff and I want to wish you the happiest winter break. We think you and your kids are awesome! I look forward to more collaborative conversations in 2016. My door is always open.
Kristen Gracia Proud Principal of Oak Knoll School
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