Oak Knoll School
1895 Oak Knoll Lane
Menlo Park, CA 94025
Phone: 650-854-4433
http://oakknoll.mpcsd.org/

 

November 25, 2014


Dear Oak Knoll families,

 
I want to wish you and your family a Happy Thanksgiving. I give thanks for my loving family, our amazing staff, our generous parent community, and our wonderful students. Thanksgiving is an opportunity to stop what we are doing, unplug, and focus on what is most important in our lives. It is a time to reflect, express gratitude, and restart. I plan to use the long weekend to connect with my family, focus on my kids, enjoy nature, and turn off my phone and email. I have pressed my staff to disconnect from work as well. It can all wait until we return.

Recently, I had the pleasure of attending a conference where Catherine Steiner-Adair spoke about setting limits with technology and putting focus back on the family. She is the author of The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age. I left the presentation with a pit in my stomach. As parents, we must set better technology limits for ourselves, so our children can rely on us, develop healthy-use habits, and strong relationships. Catherine Steiner-Adair raised the question, "What is it like to be a child, in a family, growing up surrounded by devices?" She followed her question up with insights, observations, research and suggestions that I found helpful and needed. Catherine talked about how children are beginning to give up on their parents as the "go-to" choice for help, advice, support and connection, and instead are turning to their own devices to fill the void. "We have lost touch literally, physically, and metaphorically." She interviewed children of all ages about their feelings regarding their parents' use of technology. The same five adjectives came up over and over again: sad, mad, lonely, frustrated, and annoyed. Children mentioned their frustration in trying to get their parents' attention, with the parent response being, "This is important," or "Hold on." I began to think of my own home and how my own children would describe my usage of technology. I have decided to take time this weekend, as a family, and redefine our boundaries for technology. I invite you to do the same. Technology has so much to offer us, when given its proper time and place. We must be the ones deciding when and where it is appropriate so we can foster the important relationships and connection that our children need. Before we know it, they will be grown.

Here are some suggestions and thoughts:

Don't carry your phone around like a security blanket (kids notice what is important to you). Have a spot where all the devices in your home hang out, rather than carrying them around when you are not using them.

When we are plugged in we lose our awareness of the world around us.

Remember, our brain is not designed for multi-tasking. We are more productive and thoughtful when we give each person and task the focus they deserve. Don't let the next ping or post interrupt your conversation with your kid(s).

Try to avoid mixed messages: When a child repeatedly hears, "This is important," they might misinterpret your message and hear, "This is more important than YOU or your needs."

Keep car conversation to the people in the car (don't talk on your headset). Children notice when your tech manners change. Do you use your phone less in the car when driving other children?

Don't let your phone be the first thing you look at in the morning and the last thing you look at before bed. Is your connection to your phone becoming a primary relationship?

Thanks for the partnership in focusing on what is truly important- our children.

With gratitude,

Kristen Gracia