Kids Who Outwit Adults

by John Seita & Larry K. Brendtro

 

Unclaimed Kids
Unattached children typically develop internal models of themselves as unworthy, and unlovable (Bowlby, 1982). The result is depression, often mixed with rage and aggression. They target their anger at adults who fail to meet their needs for love, and at themselves for not deserving it. Angry and distrustful, they are society's unclaimed kids who are forever biting the hand that didn't feed them.

The stresses of modern society and the decline of extended kinship support is producing a horde of poorly socialized children. Adults struggling with stressors of single parenting, poverty, racism, and alcohol or other drugs have inadequate resources for positively rearing their children. "Home Alone" is not just the title of a funny film but the trademark of today's unclaimed kids.

Contrary to popular belief, it is not "broken families" that cause delinquency, but rather broken bonds between youth and adult. Describing these "psychological orphans," Merton Strommen (1979) notes that distrust between parent and child is 14 times more negative in impact than divorce. Similarly, Hawkins and Weis (1985) found attachment to parents to be a more important predictor of delinquency than family structure. The quality of bonding in the family influences how the child will bond to school and to peers. Children with poor parental attachments typically have trouble with teachers and prosocial peers. As a result, many seek substitute belongings with gangs of antisocial peers.

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