Dodge Park Rest Home next Alzheimer's / Dementia support group will be held on Tuesday July 12, 2011, at 6pm. The monthly event is taking place on the second Tuesday of each month. The support group meeting is FREE and open to the public. Please call (508) 853-8180n to find out more information. 

A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest was asked to say a few words in the meanwhile. Not being prepared to speak then, he wondered for a minute and then decided to share his experience on the first day in the parish to highlight how one should not rush to conclusions. 'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'.... Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk: 'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.'

Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late. :)

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.     The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.     She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.     A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.     She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.          The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.     He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.     No charges were filed.    

Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.

1. You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up.

2. The Sun is too loud.

3. Trees begin to chase you.

4. You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.

5. You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.

6. You can hear mimes.

7. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

8. You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.

9. Things become "Very Clear."

10. You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.

11. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

12. You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chanelers can understand.

13. The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.

14. You and Reality file for divorce.

15. You can skip without a rope.

16. It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.

17. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

18. You have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before. 19. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

20. You can travel without moving. Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.

21. You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.

22. Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend.

23. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

Dating On Line....

I recently decided to sign up to one of those dating websites. To preserve my dignity I signed up using a fake name. I then went on to enter the description of the woman I was looking for and to my luck, I was instantly given a perfect match. We got talking and after a few weeks decided to go on a date.  I arrived early at the restaurant and sat down eager in anticipation to meet the woman who seemed just too good to be true. I was nervously playing with the silverware when I see my own mother stroll through the door. Obviously,  I didn't want my date to arrive to see me chatting away with my mother so I quickly took a dive to the bathroom. As I watched through the keyhole, to my horror - she takes a seat at my reserved table and a whole hour passes before she leaves. I guess it's just lucky my date didn't show up, that could have been awkward.

I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition:" Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."

" Where there's a will, I want to be in it ," is a type of paraprosdokian. 

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear right until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.6

. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening, 'and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon,and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.Words of Wisdom "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

Your parents have always provided patience , reassurance, and protection through all of life's ups and downs. Now it's your turn to be there for them .
 

Dodge Park at Home Personal Care specializes in dependable, affordable in - home care for seniors.  From a simple helping hand to 24-hour care, we can tailor a program to suit your family needs. 

Let us provide a better quality of life for your loved one, and peace of mind for you.