Dodge Park Rest Home next Alzheimer's / Dementia support group will be held on Tuesday June 14, 2011, at 6pm. The monthly event is taking place on the second Tuesday of each month. The support group meeting is FREE and open to the public. Please call (508) 853-8180n to find out more information. 

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a three-man business.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the young accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the young accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I will start you at eighty-five thousand dollars"

"Eighty-five thousand dollars!" the young man exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

1    Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found

2    hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without

3    wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never

4    thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

5    finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended

6    measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

7    breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

8    vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

9    knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be

10   classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be

11   dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be

12   promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

13   executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered (1,3,5...)lines.

Sir,

1 While working with Mr. Murthy, I have always found him

2 working studiously and sincerely at his table without idling or

3 gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom

4 wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always

5 finishes the given assignment in time. He will always be

6 deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be

7 found chit-chatting in the canteen. He has absolutely no

8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound

9 knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be

10 classed as outstanding, and should on no account be

11 dispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Murthy should be

12 pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to administration be

13 sent out as soon as possible.

Signed
Branch Manager
 

PS  MURTHY WAS PRESENT WHEN I WAS WRITING THE REPORT MAILED TO YOU TODAY. KINDLY READ ONLY THE ALTERNATE LINES 1,3,5,7,9,11,13.  FOR MY TRUE ASSESSMENT OF HIM.

REGARDS

Signed
Branch Manager

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her."

The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another.

They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

One says "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead!"

"Wooo, what the hell happened to him?"

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."

"What a horrible way to die!"

"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."

"What a way to go, that's terrible!"

"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."

"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"

"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."

"Man, what a way to go!"

"No no, he survived that, he survived that ! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."

"Now that is one awful way to go!"

"No no, he survived that, he ..."

"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"

"I shot him!"

"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"

"He was wrecking my house."

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
     

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

1. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
2. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
3. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
    
4. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that:
   1. quicksand can work slowly,
   2. boxing rings are square and
   3. a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig,
   4. writers write but fingers don't fing, and
   5. grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
5. If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
6. One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
7. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
8. If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
9. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
10. Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
11. In what language do people:
    1. recite at a play and play a recital
    2. ship by truck and send cargo by ship, and
    3. have noses that run and feet that smell?
12. How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
13. You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which:
    1. your house can burn up as it burns down,
    2. you fill in a form by filling it out, and
    3. an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers. It reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And finally, why doesn't "buick" rhyme with "quick"?

Your parents have always provided patients, reassurance, and protection through all of life's ups and downs. Now it's your turn to be there for them .
 

Dodge Park at Home Personal Care specializes in dependable, affordable in - home care for seniors.  From a simple helping hand to 24-hour care, we can tailor a program to suit your family needs. 

Let us provide a better quality of life for your loved one, and peace of mind for you.