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January 14, 2010 
Forgiveness is a Gift to Yourself
Happiness takes practice. Seriously. It's not just something that happens, at least not most of the time.
Sound crazy? Not according to Dr. Frederic Luskin, Ph.D., at Stanford University. His work is focused on the personal benefits of forgiveness (click here for more info on Luskin's work). 
Forgiveness doesn't come all at once, especially not for big hurts.  Have you given yourself a chance to appropriately grieve or get past this issue?  If you haven't, then you'll want to, because skipping the grieving part means that the issue will probably resurface later on, perhaps when you least expect it, just like the Wack-a-Mole carnival game.  Healing can't be rushed....remember Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' 5 stages of grief:  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.  You'll note that "acceptance" is #5, not #1. It takes time to get to the end of it.
But what about when an appropriate amount of time has passed? Yet you're still wrestling with the issue-maybe your cousin's comment about your weight last Thanksgiving, the time you got pantsed on the playground in elementary school, or healing from the disappointment of a marriage that ended in divorce. Obviously, each of these three examples will have very different "get over it" time frames, but most people should be able to recover in time.
At some point you simply have to make a choice:
  • Given all the terrible things that happen in this world: war, famine, disease, crime....why am I still choosing to dwell on this?
  • Given that this has happened, and I have to live with that, what's the best I can do with that reality?
  • Could it be that the negative thing(s) which have happened to me do not have to color my entire life?
  • We become what we practice---what do I want to become?
The Stanford Forgiveness Project found that, basically, anyone who complains a lot is going to be unhappy, irrespective of what the suffering actually is. The issue is not the problem we've experienced, but what we choose to do with it.

What is divorce mediation, and why is it the smart choice when you're facing divorce?

An important part of our mission is to take all of the things that people hate about family law and the family law system and do the opposite, resolving family law matters in a sane sensible, fair way at a reasonable cost in a supportive environment.
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And, as always, Peace Talks offers a reduced fee ($150 off each hour) for former clients who return to mediation to update a parenting plan or other agreement. In addition, you'll receive a $300 credit when you refer a client and we'll send you a Starbucks card for each forward. 
Please call Linda Duarte at (310) 301-2100 for more details.