I had a boss, who, although I was the most senior in the European division, had ranted, shouted and sworn at me in front of the whole office, suggesting I had no idea what I was doing. He was a man, an alpha male, who believed this was how leadership should be interpreted. He had just flown in, tired, irritable, didn't enjoy travel and was taking it out on me. I suggested where his job might go, then stepped back for a period of reflection. When he rang to apologize , as he inevitably did, I told him I wanted some time to go away, analyze the business in Europe and my role within it, then come back with a proposal.
 
This incident was life changing in more ways than one. I was concerned that if he continued to treat me like that at the headquarters in the States when I did my presentation, I might end up in tears, so I needed to find the strength to face him.
 
On a colleague's recommendation, I spent a half day with an NLP Practitioner, doing the circle of excellence* exercise where you gather all your strengths, resources to energize and empower.
That gave me a respect for the power of NLP. When I met him again in America for the presentation I was prepared and confident; from that time on, our relationship never looked back.  I describe this incident on my time-line, represented as a graph, the line travels up, plunges deeply down, but, when it comes back up, it goes way beyond the previous peak.

When I was younger, my mum. She's strong minded, not academically prejudiced. She engendered a sense of you can do anything. She instilled that value in me.  Feisty, degree educated, but never had a full time job. She believed in family first, but was thrilled by the success of myself and my sister.
 
Sherry Flanders-Page - Former Senior Vice President: Head of Business Operations for Adobe

Listening; She really listens, and is willing to confront problems I acknowledge the usefulness of really listening. Once when a bank wanted $150,000 of software, there was a problem with procurement. They hated the sales person. I contacted them apologized and listened to what they wanted with the result that we ended up with an order for $2 million. This customer subsequently became a reference for me. Listening and apologizing, not emotionally defensive, sorry but we'll do it. Always acknowledge. It is very hard to continue to yell at someone who is apologising to you.

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Technology is still very male dominated. I find it incredibly frustrating I can tell minutes into a meeting if it's a male culture.  It's what I call the alpha male style of leadership. Tough and loud, not always as productive as it might be The technology world is predominantly a male culture. People think that the female culture, soft skills, are fluffy, indecisive, not knowing where you're going. But being respectful of other people is important. I can be tough, making people redundant, and we can all be in tears. But it's not personal, it's business. People respect that and we can still be friends. A bad  message can still be communicated, clearly and respectfully. Don't cover over the emotion.
 
Leadership is not about being tough, it's about communication and respect.  In the technology world, it is just incredible the small number of women represented, so few women at  board level in major organizations, because men appoint men who are like them. It's frustrating, you  need the right person for the job.
 
So the male alpha view is potentially missing out on the best qualities.
Another quality which I admire in both women and men, is admitting to not knowing and asking questions. It makes people more equal, shows up vulnerability, not weakness; I'm human too.  Look to the receptionist. She (usually) is the first contact people have with a company. The receptionist should be intelligent, well- informed and communicate well, which includes listening.  I believe that in a company, everyone should answer the phone for a day.

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