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January 2010 - Catalyst! newsletter from Sue Cowan Coaching
                                                                    
                                                              
Issue 6
     
 
A note from Sue

Hello!,

I know it's a bit late in the month, but Happy New Year to you,  as we start a new decade!

Did you make any New Year resolutions this year?

I am always curious why we choose this point in time: why New Year to make change? After all, there is nothing magical about the first day of January. There is no perfect time to start something new. Yet so many of us lightheartedly get into the ritual of making resolutions and set ourselves up for failure.

Creating goals is only part of it - carrying them out is the more tricky part for most of us!

Depending on which research you read, by the end of the first week of any year around 28% of those who made New Year resolutions have already broken their resolve......and given up.
(Are you amongst them?)
I don't believe that this is because people no longer want the change: rather, it's because they don't know how to change.
Knowledge is just not enough: think of the study that found around 90% of heart patients don't stick to the lifestyle changes they need to make in order to live longer and healthier lives. I don't believe they are choosing to die sooner- rather, they don't know how to follow through with a choice to live a longer and better life.

Establishing a new bahaviour or habit takes work. And if you are not prepared to follow through, then a resolution is not worth making in the first place.
If  you did make one/some - or plan to make some changes in 2010 - then this month's article gives 10 tips to make them so you can keep them.

Of course, I believe people can change, transform even...We can stop doing the things that sabotage us and cause us pain; we can change our negative, self-defeating thoughts;and we can create  a life of meaning, peace and happiness (but it may not be easy-that's what I help people do!).

For what change are you willing to make the effort, make the commitment, in 2010?
                                                   Sue

If you want  help with your New Year resolutions or your compelling commitments, you can email me   at  [email protected]
phone me on (+41) 076 2055 076 (mobile)

or visit       my website     www.suecowancoaching.com
where you can also read past editions of this newsletter via the archive.

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In This Issue
* ( New Year) Resolutions: Ten Tips to Make Them So You Can Keep Them
* Quote of the month
* The Resolution Song
* Relevant Reading
* Visioning- Part 2
* About Sue Cowan Coaching
(New Year) Resolutions- Ten Tips to Make Them So You Can Keep Them

This will be the fourth year in a row that Sally has made a New Year's resolution to exercise more. She's also vowed to lose weight (an annual resolution since 2005) and to finally start that novel (this one goes way back to the 2000!).

Like  many of us, Sally begins every year with a stout resolve and good intentions. But like most who make New year resolutions, by the time the Spring fashions hit the shop windows all that resolve has gone the way of last season's colours. No exercise programme. No weight loss. And, sadly, no novel. Not even a beginning chapter.

What goes wrong?

Sally's problem and the difficulty most people face in keeeping their resolutions is that changing behaviour involves more than simply vowing to do so. A LOT more...

Whether you want to do more or less of something, quit something altogether or start something new, here are ten tips that can help.

1. Be sure the change you vow to make is something you really want
not just something you think you should do or something you're doing for someone else. Altering habits is hard work. Make your resolution a non-negotiable commitment in your life.

2. Be specific and concrete.
Instead of vowing to "lose weight", be specific: "one kilo by the end of the month". Vague words like "more", "less" or  "better" don't give anything to measure against. State your goal in incremental, measureable and specific terms.

3. Be certain it's achievable.
Easy does it: set your goals as short, mangeable steps rather than one giant leap. Start small and build up...To go from  a sitting "couch potato" to running a marathon in six weeks is too long a distance to travel in that short a time!

4. Turn your goal into something you can actually DO- make it actionable.
Specify how exactly you will put the goals into action. If you want to "get fit"- what will you actually do to reach that goal? And tell people what you are up to- share your goals with family or friends who you can trust to support you.

5. Accentuate the positive rather than reminding yourself of what you can't have or can't do.
Instead of saying "no cigarettes for me!" try "I'm choosing a smoke-free lifestyle". (If I ask you "Don't think of a pink elephant!", what image comes to mind? Now you have to work hard to NOT have that image!)
And thinking in absolutes is not a good idea.  If you decide to "never do X again"...Are you REALLY  prepared to give up X for ever?

6. Believe in yourself and your power to change.
Positive self-talk, affirmations and encouragement really do help.

7. Be easy on yourself when you lapse. Even if you fail the first time, it doesn't mean you are doomed to total failure. Like the song says, "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again". Change is often a two steps forward, one step back process.

8. Expect difficulties and be ready with a plan.
 
Chances are you will come up against the same things that have got in your way in the past. So look at your typical excuses and  rationalisations. And figure out strategies to deal wth the inevitable setbacks that will happen along the way.

9. Monitor and track your progress.
Research shows that we're more likely to succeed if we monitor our behaviour in writing. So, yes, keep that food diary; tally the number of times you manage to do X; log your successes. And look how far you have come, not how much is still to be done.

10. Make the change one choice at a time! We make choices moment to moment. Make your choices conscious (saying them to yourself helps). The more you can focus on the positive choice you can make at this moment, the more you can live into the new habit.

As for Sally and her novel, THIS YEAR she shared with me her commitment to write a page a day, four days a week. So far, she has already written 15 pages since 1st January. At this rate, by the end of 2010 she will have completed more than 200 pages- over two-thirds of her way to a reasonable sized novel.
Quote of the Month

"Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely."

                                                                                                  
Karen Kaiser Clark
                       
The Resolution Song
It is quite silly, but it's a catchy little tune and the lyrics are relevant to this month's topic.
So, go on, take a two-minute time out and watch/listen/smile/sing along!

click here to view
Relevant Reading
books

This Year I will....How to Finally Change a Habit, Keep a Resolution or Make a Dream Come True 
                                                                                                                                 by M.J. Ryan

 
"Learn the secret to making changes that stick...The ingenious strategies, inspiring stories, and sheer motivational energy (of this little book) will help you make a promise to yourself that you can actually keep"

"..the go-to book to learn how to start that self-improvement journey - and maintain it for life!"

Broadway Books, Dec 2006
ISBN-10: 0 7679 2008 2
(Available via Amazon)
Visioning- Part 2
visionLast month, we looked at the benefits of visioning: the process of creating a clear, very detailed picture of what you want for all the various aspects of your life- whether health, relationships, career, finances, etc...... with goals that inspire you and empower you to take action.
Visioning uses both mental and physical tools of your mind and body- such as thoughts and actions- to create and realise your goals. Once you have your vision, you can plan out the necessary steps to reach it. This helps you stay focused and eliminate the distractions that will hold you back or take you off course.

If you feel that you are capable of a life more enriching than the one you are currently living or that there is untapped potential in you, I'm sure you will enjoy the process of creating your unique vision.

You may hear a little voice at the back of your mind questioning the need. "Why do this? My life's not too bad. I'm pretty content." Actually, when things are going well is also a good time to do exercises such as this: you approach the process of self-reflection, introspection, exploring your strengths and talents being more open and willing to welcome new ideas.

There are many exercises to help take you through the process of creating your vision. (in the November workshop, we spent several hours...and that was only focussing on career issues!) Here I will just mention two possibilities, so you can choose to do one or both. What is most important is to set up a comfortable space for yourself where you will be able to quiet your mind, and focus your thoughts, without distractions or interruptions.

The more present and centred you are, the better. Have pen and paper handy. And take time... allow plenty of uninterrupted time. Relax, don't rush. Give yourself time and space to reflect, perhaps over several sessions. And don't abandon your work as soon as you feel uncomfortable - often these moments are when you get the greatest revelations! Feel safe and trust yourself...Let your imagination come out to play, and enjoy the experience.

exercise 1: Take time to reflect on what makes you uniquely you, what is it you are good at, what makes you happiest. Ask yourself the following questions:
  • Who am I?
  • What do I truly love?
  • What am I good at?
  • When am I happiest?
  • What matters most to me?
  • What gets me going?
  • What holds me back?
  • What do I want for my life?
Reflect and write down your thoughts, even if your answers seem unclear or incomplete. Just keep asking the question, continue writing  and eventually things will flow. Don't judge, control or censor what you write; there are no right or wrong answers!
See it as collecting data...

exercise 2: A perfect day.
Designed to help you become clear about your ideal work and poersonal day..to get you closer to identifying your vision for your life.
Instructions: (i) write out a detailed description of your ideal work day
                            (ii) be as specific and imaginative as possible! Focus on the things that make you
                                    feel great. Include all the details.  And no limiting beliefs allowed.. write it
                                    down even as you are thinking  "that's not possible/ unrealistic/ crazy".
                                    That's the fun of this exercise...
                             (iii) do the same process for your ideal personal day.
                           
Sit with your discoveries, reflect on them....

More in next month's newsletter!
About Sue Cowan Coaching
If you are curious to know more about what I do, or about coaching in general, then why not visit my coaching website
Sue photo
Please contact me if you have any questions or comments.
[email protected]
Tel.    (+41) 022  757  0849
Mob. (+41) 076  2055  076
www.suecowancoaching.com