We all work so hard. Family, jobs, our own business, housework, grocery shopping, volunteer work, school functions, sports events, yard work, remodeling projects, errands, aging parents, church events. Our days are packed! There is a moment on Friday when I don't have anything else to do for the day that I take a deep breath and feel myself decompress from the week. I love that feeling. I also understand the last thing I want to do is ruin that feeling with the thought "what should I cook for dinner tonight?". Who wants to think about that after a long week. Solution: pizza delivery or out to dinner.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think we need that time to relax. It only becomes a problem if those choices aren't supporting your weight loss or health goals. Here's the risk: I work hard, take care of everyone and put many others' needs ahead of my own. I feel the stress of trying to do too much and not getting enough time for myself. I need a moment of peace and stress-free quiet so like the commercials tell me to I get my chocolate (or insert your favorite me-treat here) and sink into the couch and relax. Ahh! Me time.

Once in awhile, that kind of me time is very therapeutic. Every day though can lead to being overweight depending on what choices you are making and how loud you are screaming in your head "I worked hard today, I deserve this!". Usually the louder the yell, the less healthy the food choice. That place inside of you that rebels no matter how much mental energy you have been devoting to your new 'diet' is trying to tell you something. I am going to suggest that you slow down for a moment and listen. She's actually trying to tell you something very important.

One of my clients said to me today during her workout, "I love coming here". I asked her if this was her me time. She said yes it was and what made it great was she didn't have to think about or decide anything when she was working out. No decisions needed to be made. She was being directed. Don't we all crave that? I do, I love the classes that I take. I just get to show up at the starting time and the instructor guides me though the workout. No thinking needed except to focus on my form, my breath, the music and how I feel. It's wonderful. I am a personal trainer and I could certainly come to the studio every day and work out on my own but I don't. I go elsewhere to be with others and to be instructed because it feels good.

I understand that the same thing applies to meals. It is fabulous to go out and be waited on, not have to decide what to cook, and not have to clean up. It's good for the soul. It only becomes a problem when we bring the free-pass mentality to the restaurant and order high calorie meals that don't support our fitness or weight loss. And it's easy to do. I can go out to eat with the best intentions but when I order, something takes over and next thing I know "pancakes" or "pasta" is coming out of my mouth or I'm eating a basket of chips and salsa. We all do it. I started to realize I've eaten these things over and over. They are not a one-time special occasion, they just feel good. But they are counterfeit and do not add up to long term happiness.

What does? I believe that there are lots of ways to get me time, not just from food. But these choices require finding your voice and being brave in your ability to say to your spouse, kids, boss, mother, coworker, neighbor or friends exactly what you need to be balanced and healthy. It is hard to do especially if you haven't been doing it for years and years. But I challenge you to see the pattern. You don't ask for it, perhaps deny to yourself that you need it, get tired and stressed, maybe feel resentful and angry or depressed, then you steal the time at night in front of the computer or TV and wake up regretful because the scale is moving up not down. It is not a healthy pattern.

The difficult thing to see is that the solution is not another diet. There is no diet that can solve this problem. There is no workout that can solve this problem. There is a shift that needs to be made where me time is built into your day versus stolen like a thief in the night. It needs to be brought to the light. We are all different, remember. Your need for time, peace, quiet, connection, whatever it is that makes you shine is not the same as mine. So your job is to find what choices in life other than food make you feel like you matter, you belong, you can think, you can rest and recharge, and you are seen and heard. When you figure out what these are, find your voice and share your need for them, make the time and begin to care for yourself in this way, you will see your life transform. The fight between the part of you that wants to finally reach your goal weight and the part of you that constantly rebels and steals time for herself by eating junk will form a truce and you will have peace. The war will be over.

First, can you begin to make the connection between the self care time you are taking now and your need for me time? Bring it to light. Become fully aware of it. Every time you get your hair done, get your nails done, get a massage, take a bath or shower, read your book, listen to your music, play in your garden, pet your dog, go for your walk, or come to the studio to exercise first breathe in gratitude for the time you are taking for yourself. Recognize that you are doing it already. Stop rushing. Get to your appointments early and sit or walk or think or meditate or pray for this time to fill your needs in the deepest places in your heart. Gratitude can help shift from a feeling of scarcity (there is never enough time for me, I don't matter) to a life of abundance (of course there is plenty of time for me, I matter!).

Second, if you need more time can you ask for it? Can you say no to the things you are saying yes to then feeling resentful about? Can you leave work on time? Can you get up early if you need to? Can you send the family out to run errands (even if they don't do them perfectly) and lie on your couch and do nothing for an hour and love it? Can you get one more workout or yoga class or massage in each week? Can you ask your boss for help on a project that is overwhelming you without being afraid you'll get fired? This is where you will have to look inside and figure out what you need. (We are all different with respect to our green beans and everything else!) Be brave and say it. The lie that could be keeping you stuck is that you will be overwhelmed by a wave of disapproval and that just might not be true. Stating your healthy boundaries and asking for what you need might earn you respect and approval, not the opposite. And quite frankly if you are met with disapproval, so what. People pleasing is not all it is cracked up to be. Be who you are, not what others want you to be.

I am a recovering people pleaser. I stayed at work late because I only felt good enough if I was giving too much. I didn't know how to say 'no thank you' to invitations that I didn't want to accept so I went to all kinds of things I didn't like then regretted spending the time. But what that led to was the false belief that I didn't have time to exercise or eat healthy. That was an excuse and a lie. I've talked to you about the needle in my arm before. It is my analogy for how weak and needy I was. I needed to constantly 'shoot up' with approval and achievement and performance to feel OK and that ended up being exhausting. There is no way to be fed a steady supply of this drug; it is something that needs to be healed. The healer is Grace.

Grace is that friend that, when you say you are so sorry but cannot attend her home jewelry party, tells you she understands completely and loves you just the same. Grace is the boss that encourages you to go home and spend time with your family or get your workout in when you share with her that you are feeling out of balance. Grace is the husband who is so happy that you told him exactly what you need that he makes a habit of it. Grace is the friend that encourages and supports your healthy eating. Grace is the person in your life that you can be completely you with and know you are accepted just for being you, not for what you do. Once you start looking, I believe you will find it in your own life. If there is one thing I know, Grace in infinitely abundant. It never, ever runs out. Now that's what I call me time.

Now find your voice and get moving.