"I am afraid."

Those are three of my favorite words.  Learning to say those words was one of the most empowering moments of my life so far.  Before I could say "I am afraid", I spent a great deal of time and energy suppressing all my fear and trying to create the image that I wasn't afraid.  I just couldn't own it.  I thought that owning it would make me weak and I had the false belief that I always had to be strong.

Getting to this level of honesty with yourself isn't easy.  But it is worth the effort.  Changing is scary and stepping out into that vulnerable place of trying again can be really hard.  I understand completely.  I tried to quit smoking so many times.  Hundreds, probably.  I would always fail by 3:00 PM that Monday and all the months of building up the courage and thinking about changing would be lost in a self esteem crash.  It was devastating to fail.  It became easier to quit trying.  Except that feeling of wanting to be healthier and feel better about myself would creep back up and I would once again spend months getting up the courage to change only to fail again.  I experienced the same thing with dieting.

During the times when I would quit quitting, I couldn't really own that either.  I would find excuses.  I couldn't change right now, work was too stressful.  Vacation was coming up.  It was summer.  It was winter.  The kids' schedules were too busy.  My schedule was too busy.  I had lots of reasons why I couldn't.  Now I know that those were all lies.  These things never went away.  Life never got less stressful or less busy.  I just finally found a way to do it anyway.  And the key for me was to stop believing the lies and get radically honest with myself.

The truth was I wasn't happy with myself, my weight, or my smoking but I just didn't believe I could change it.  I felt powerless over these things and I had lots of evidence (past failures) as to why they had power over me.  The truth was I was using my family, my job and everything else in my life as an excuse not to try again because I was scared to crash and burn.

So how do you get past it?  Admit your fears and do the work anyway.  It is the only way I know to get unstuck and move forward.  I had to learn to say, "I am afraid."  I had to learn to honestly express my feelings instead of maneuvering around them with excuses and rationalizations.  I had to lace up my shoes and go walk no matter what else was going on.  I had to be real about what I was eating and quit blaming everyone else.  Radical responsibility.

That might mean calling someone or writing me an email next time you find yourself with junk food in front of you that you are about to use to sooth your feelings of stress, loneliness, anger, fear.  Say out loud to me or someone else what you are really feeling.  Own it.  Own that fact that you are about to use food to feel better.  Watch it lose its power once you get that honest about it.

It might mean setting your alarm for 5:00 AM and getting your workout in early before all the other responsibilities and busy-ness set in.  And if you aren't willing, then it is up to you to own that and recognize that the only thing that is keeping you from daily exercise is you.  None of your excuses are valid.  Being that honest and finally letting go of the list of excuses that has kept you stuck all this time is extremely empowering because once they are gone, there's nothing to stop you!

Take your power back.  Own your feelings.  Admit your fears.  And do the work anyway.  The only way out is through- and you will get through starting right now.  Put your arms up powerfully into the air, smile, and as loud as you can say it with me, "I am afraid!"  And just like that, you are free.

Now get moving!