Thank you for writing to me so openly about your struggles with food.  You have no idea how much you just helped someone else by sharing your story.  I know there are other women out there who are struggling just like you and there is comfort knowing we're not alone.

I am proud of you for having the courage to say "I have a problem".  You didn't maneuver or shift the blame somewhere.  You said this is me.  This is where I am and I don't know what to do.  That is a very tough thing to do so I want you to be proud of that.

Here is what I believe.  I believe that the struggle you described in your email is common to every single one of us to some extent or another.  The hold or addiction isn't always food.  It could be shopping, alcohol, approval, prescription drugs, sex, eating disorders, anger, gambling, work or anything else that can get hold of us and leave us feeling out of control and desperate.

The first time I read the letter to the Romans, I knew that this was a struggle common to all of humanity.  If Paul was writing about it two thousand years ago, it must be a humanity problem and not a defect in me.  From The Message Remix:  "I obviously need help.  I realize that I don't have what it takes.  I can will it, but I can't do it.  I decide to do good, but I don't really do it.  I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway.  My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions.  Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.  It happens so regularly that it's predictable."

Take comfort in that.  It's not just you.  It truly is all of us and we each have to find our way to freedom from the things that have kept us from living our lives the way we were meant to live.  With freedom, joy, passion, and love.

I will name the things that were keeping me stuck.  Shame.  Fear.  Regret.  Feeling worthless.  I don't know what pain or shame you may be dragging around with you from your past.  But I know if you have gone through all the layers in weight loss such as becoming aware of calories in/calories out, scheduling your workouts, getting yourself organized, finding support, creating an environment in which you can succeed and you are still stuck and suffering then I believe it's something deeper.

You asked about meetings or counseling.  I went to several different therapists over the years.  The problem was that I was too afraid to share all my junk, so I would go to my counseling appointments and not be totally honest.  There were some things I never talked about.  I still cared more about what they thought of me than getting healthy.  I didn't have a breakthrough until I found a group that I finally felt comfortable sharing everything.  The hardest thing for me to say back then was "I am afraid".  But I learned that as I shared my story and let go of the need to look like I had it together, the junk I had been carrying around lost its power.

As I was preparing this newsletter, I looked up the 12 Steps.  I hadn't read them in a long time.  They are printed below.  Look at what it asks of you.  Admit the problem then hand it over to a power greater than yourself.  That's tough for us.  We want to fix ourselves, not let go.

For me, healing came in ways I didn't expect.  The first support group I ever attended was a Grief Support group for people who had recently lost a loved one.  I hadn't recently lost a loved one, but I didn't know where else to go and I was desperate.  I was 40 years old.  I sat down in a small circle of chairs with the other participants and when my turn came I started crying and apologizing because I just didn't feel like I had the right to be there.  Everyone else was in such pain.  They had just lost their loved one.  So I said, "I know I am not supposed to be here.  My dad died 27 years ago.  My mom died 17 years ago.  I should be over it by now but I'm not.  I'm sorry."  That small group of people made me feel so welcomed and in the absolute right place I couldn't believe it.  In my mind, I was convinced they would just think I was a moron because I was still dealing with all of this.  In reality, they offered me such grace and love I was changed forever.

You can change, too.  I am very proud of you for sharing your struggles and allowing me to share it in this newsletter with others.  I believe there are many readers that will relate and be impacted by it.  Keep sharing your story.  Don't give in to the lie that we are supposed to look like we have it all together.  We don't!  I don't!  All I have is my own story and the belief that anyone, no matter what they are going through, can be healed of past hurts and regrets and start new.  Even you.