Motivation
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Last week, I asked you to respond to this email if you felt like you are doing the work but the results are slow or not there at all. Here is a sample of the many, many responses I received:
"Great newsletter, as always. Like I said at our last meeting, it is like you are spelling out my own thoughts! I am going to get the eat clean book from the library and read it. I have been trying to shift my thinking to "fueling my body" versus just feeding my cravings. Hopefully this will work. I am also not going to weigh myself for a month and see where that gets me. Hopefully obsessing less!"
"Okay I guess I need to get back in the swing of things...you have motivated me. Especially when you said you lost 45 lbs in 7 years but you WANTED to loose 45 lbs in 45 days. Gee.....I thought that was an option!!!! I certainly have fallen off the wagon since my wedding. But now I need your positive attitude to help me get my "groove" back."
"In response to your newsletter....I am doing the work and disciplined with it but I am not as so with my eating habits. I eat mostly good things but can't get a grip on should I do 3 square meals a day or 6 small meals and STOP THE SNACKING and I feel that I work out so I can eat the sweet stuff!. That is my struggle. Any insight in your upcoming newsletters would be helpful."
"Great letter! Yes, please continue to address the time/weight issues. I've just started doing the work, but I know that this is going to be a process so I'm trying not to focus on the time it's going to take or what the scales have to say. But, the question is: how do you keep that from creeping in and derailing the progress?"
Thank you for all the responses I received. I hope you can see that if you are working hard but the results are slow, you are not alone. I work with a lot of women, and I think it's safe to say that the number one question I receive when I first start working with someone is, "How long did it take you to lose the weight?".
I lost 45 pounds, but it was over several years and it was very slow. From the beginning of this transformation, I was always willing to exercise. I liked the way it made me feel. Like I have mentioned before, cardiovascular exercise was something that I started doing when I was seeing a counselor and she recommended it for mental health. It worked well for me and still does.
Just because I was exercising, however, doesn't mean I was losing weight. I lost a few initial pounds but I was doing so many things wrong that progress stopped shortly after it started. Of the many things I was doing wrong, I believe the main things that were holding me back were not getting enough sleep, not drinking enough water, doing my cardio in the wrong heart rate range, and not taking responsibility for what I was eating.
Among all of those, taking responsibility for my food was the hardest of all and like you saw in my confession newsletter, my food issues can still flare up. Thankfully, those flare ups are infrequent and I have learned how to move past them. (Forgive myself and move forward.)
I believe there are many reasons why it is so difficult to get the food aspect under control.
- Food was a major source of comfort for me, especially when I was lonely
- I did not take time to be organized so I was often grabbing something quick
- I was totally confused as to what I should eat to lose weight
- I was unaware of how many calories were in the foods I ate
- I did not want to be deprived and miss out on treats
- I ate out at restaurants whenever possible because I didn't like to eat at home
- I was either on a diet or in a food free-for-all
For these reasons, I had what I call an unhealthy relationship with food. I felt anxious about my eating, when I was dieting it leaned towards the obsessive, and what I ate could make me feel horrible about myself. If I ate too much and got too full, I could have a full blown self hatred meltdown.
So to go from that unhealthy way of relating to food to a healthy, mindful approach to eating took a long time. For me, I believe it had to take that long because there was so much stuff to deal with. If you haven't noticed yet, when you choose to change your life, all sort of stuff starts coming up. And the longer you stick with it, the more stuff comes up. It's hard.
The good news is -- the only way out is through. So every time something new comes up, whether it is a fear, an obstacle, or an excuse, if you choose to deal with it you come one step closer to being through it. And freedom awaits you at the end of that road.
So what does that mean for today? What should I do now to get started or make something happen? I believe a great way to prepare for the changes ahead are these:
- Start or continue exercising consistently because becoming stronger physically will help you become stronger emotionally, and you will need that to stick with this for the long haul.
- Count calories. But not for the reason you think. Not so you know the exact amount of calories you take in so you can keep under 1652 calories, or whatever. Count calories to become aware of how many calories are in the foods that you eat. Once you are aware, you can make much better decisions about what is healthy for you.
- Find someone you feel comfortable sharing all your emotional junk with to talk to and start sharing. Say to someone, "I am a mess and proud of it!" Go for a walk and tell someone that you are afraid to try to make this change again because you have failed so many times and don't know if you can handle it again. Then ask them to be there to support you.
- Make a commitment to yourself right now to never, ever give up and keep believing that you are strong enough.
Next week I will dive into the specifics of healthy eating; what to eat, when to eat, and why.
Now get moving!
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