Motivation
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Day 93 of my running streak.
I feel like I've written this sentence a lot lately, but again this was the hardest week so far. Back from hiking, I was a bit jet lagged and not as well organized as when I have all day Sunday to prepare for the week.
The hiking was amazing in Utah. We hiked several miles every morning then again in the afternoon. It brought up a question about how I defined my streak. Did hiking count or did I have to run? After thinking about it during my first day there, I decided that I had committed to a RUNNING streak and therefore would have to find a way to run. My solution was to skip part of the van ride after the morning hike and run back to the property. It worked fine and although I felt awkward running in my hiking boots and backpack, I felt good that I did it.
Then I got home and the battle began. I don't know why, but my psyche stared to rebel. All of a sudden this week I didn't want to run at all. Sometimes I go through where I don't want to run a lot, or don't want to run today. But this was more like I do not want to run at all.
Monday I got up a few minutes early even though I was jet lagged and did a mile on my treadmill in the basement. I think it was one of those miles where I was in pjs and running shoes, eyes half shut. Tuesday, similar story. Wednesday I stayed after Circuit class to run one mile on the treadmill at the studio when all I really wanted to do was go home and crawl under about twelve blankets with a giant bowl of mac and cheese. Thursday, another forced one miler. Friday, one mile. Saturday, one mile.
If Monday through Saturday were my battles, Sunday was the all-out war. Several thoughts went through my mind. I could skip the day and write about how important it is to be able to keep going even when you blow it one day. Or I could use my tight hamstring muscle as a good excuse to take a "planned" day off. Or I could just lie -the bad thoughts in my head said. Who would know?
I remember living this way, pinned down under all the excuses and I-don't-feel-like-it thinking and lies I told myself. I would do it tomorrow. It was too cold. I was too tired. Too busy. Too stressed. I remember giving in day after day only to end up years later wishing I was a different person. A fit, healthy, happy, joy-full person.
I walked to my closet and I just stared at my running shoes. I wanted to cry for some reason. I normally love my running shoes. But I didn't feel like putting them on. I knew this was the moment of choice. The one small moment that when added up with all my other choices would determine how I felt about myself tomorrow, next week, maybe next year.
That was enough. Remembering the pain of wishing and hoping I could change, but feeling stuck, was enough to put my shoes on. I could do this. Then I put on my hat and gloves and I ran to my sister's house and back. It was an emotional run. I was happy I chose the right thing and shaken that it had been so difficult. It reminded me that if I choose according to how I feel, versus what I know to be best for me, I will not stay on the right path.
This week is the coldest, roughest week of the year. It's so cold! I felt it and I struggled. But looking back, those one milers seem like successes. Who cares how far I went! I went. Who cares if those miles weren't pretty! They were miles. Who cares if I had epic mental battles while trying to make the right choice! I made the right choice for me.
If you are struggling, I want to remind you that I know how hard this is, and encourage you to battle through it. Choose what's good for you no matter how you feel. Let's do this together.
Now get moving!
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