 Personal Bucket
In 2009, Pjotr Gariaev and his team discovered that Junk DNA isn't junk at all. His team discovered that the indecipherable gobbledygook that is 90% of our DNA is something very important. He hypothesised that it provides the substrate for more mutable DNA - the stuff we make behavioural codes out of. Interestingly at the same time researchers in primate studies discovered a complex code in this area of our DNA that determines monogamy, and is present across several species.
Another researcher - Dr Karen Sugden - of Kings College in London, this year published the results of a study with 2,000 same sex twins. These twins were tested for the presence of a gene variant that increases a person's chances of experiencing depression or anxiety in adulthood. They were psychologically profiled, and then re-tested at age 12.
What her team found was that if a child had the gene variant and was then exposed to sever or prolonged bullying, the gene activated and signs of depression and anxiety were very evident by age 12. In children with the gene, who weren't exposed to prolonged or severe bullying, the gene remained dormant. Finally, in children without the gene who experienced bullying, the effects were less severe.
The ramifications of this study are profound. What is also interesting is that a footnote to the study noted that this gene variant was found within what was previously described as 'Junk DNA.'
Meanwhile, Gariaev and his team's research suggests that our DNA may be the location of our mind, because of its massive storage ability. Gariaev's team calculated the memory storage capacity of the DNA in each human cell. Their findings have shown that each cell holds 3 Gb of memory. Now with approximately 70 trillion cells in a human body, that means each of us has 210 thousand, million, trillion Gb of memory at our disposal. They then went on to alter and splice DNA using light and sound.
But I digress...
Sugden's findings explain why being bullied can have such a profound effect on a child's mental and emotional health, and why these effects stretch into adulthood. The gene was also more likely to be present if one or both parents had been bullied.
Now to the bully....
Bullies life outcomes are no better than their victims. Research from around the world agrees that 6 out of 10 teenage bullies have a criminal record by age 24. Bullies also suffer from increased levels of depression and anxiety than the general population. Bullies also have shorter lives than the average population.
So if your child is a bully, you should be concerned. If your child is being bullied, you should be concerned. Bullying requires intervention on either side of the coin. It is not enough to say to a child who is being bullied - 'harden up.' It is equally unacceptable to ignore the bullying behaviour of a child at home, or at school. It is not good for them, or the children they bully.
So, what do we do?
Well, for the child being bullied - resilience training is a must. Teaching strategies to help them assert themselves and re-build self-esteem is essential. Being an assertive, but compassionate role-model is also important. Research shows that extroverts survive bullying more easily than introverts, because an extroverted child is more likely to talk about it, or complain to an adult about the behaviour, and thus get action.
An introverted child, however, is more likely to clam up, and withdraw. Teaching an introverted child how to talk about bullying before bullying happens is important. Schools have now introduced some very good programmes at the primary level that teach children about the good and bad uses of power. If a child has developed an ability to assert their right to a safe environment, then half the battle is won. As a parent, if you suspect bullying, talk to your child's teacher. If that gets no result, take it to the next level. If that doesn't work, make a written complaint to the relevant school authority and perhaps think about moving your child to a different school.
While bullies exist everywhere, don't think your child will automatically be bullied wherever they go. In my experience with children this is not the case, especially if the child is also given counseling and support. Your child should not be left in the environment of the bully unless the bully and their family are prepared to accept intervention and counseling. Any interaction with their victim must be monitored closely. Teaching them how to manage their aggression and frustration is the first step, helping them to develop empathy the next. But this also needs to be role-modeled by the significant adults in their lives, which can be more difficult, especially if either parent is in denial.
Children with high energy levels and a negative attitude, are at more risk of engaging in bullying behaviour. The Destructive Quadrant in my Productivity Model also predicts this. This model suggests that refocusing attitude with positive inputs and mentoring helps to adjust the negative charge of their behaviour. Finding positive outlets for the high energy of this quadrant is highly recommended. Sport, hobbies, getting out-doors and learning to communicate frustration without criticism or violence is a big part of development.
Children with low energy and a negative attitude are at more risk of being bullied, and suffering long-term damage, as indicated by the Reflective Quadrant. They need both their energy and attitudes re-built. Energising a child with good food, fresh air and time away from stress is crucial. Then celebrating the child's wins, showing them they are worthwhile and loved, and giving them a space where they feel safe can start to build self confidence and a sense of self-worth.
One thing is clear, however, how we behave around children will determine how they perceive bullying. Research shows bullies have been taught that aggression is acceptable. They also have low empathy, and as a result often show little remorse. A behaviour that reinforces this low empathy is gossiping. When children observe and hear adults gossiping about others it broadcasts a very strong, negative message; that it is okay to treat others as if they are not as human as we are. Gossip is the companion of bullying, and creates an environment where bullying behaviour is not only acceptable but inevitable.
Conversely, if we demonstrate empathy, and refrain from aggressive behaviour like gossiping and discrimination, we are likely to have a bigger impact on our children than just telling them 'how' they should behave.
This ties in with Gariaev's findings about the impact of what we see and hear on our DNA. The old maxim about children having 'big ears' and 'absorbing everything like a sponge' seems to be true. To create Bully Free communities takes time and the participation of everyone who has an influence on children. It requires us to be vigilant about our own behaviour, and observant of our children.
I invite you to use this month to think about how you can exemplify empathy and assertiveness without aggression, and become a role model of 'Constructive' behaviour.
My book - The DNA of Bullying - is now available online. If you want to know more about this fascinating subject, click on the link at the bottom of this page.
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