1) Your messy spouse isn't deliberately
messy (or out to sabotage you and your home). It's simply their own personal style. We're all hard-wired differently, and while organizing comes easily to some, it's a real challenge for others. Take a deep breath, count to 10 (50?), and think about all the reasons you married him (or her).
2) Division of labor is key. ASK FOR HELP (or hire help), and cut down on feelings of resentment. OR - Deal with resentment by telling yourself, over and over, *I* want my house a certain way, and keep it that way for yourself (STOP EXPECTING PRAISE FROM OSCAR, who doesn't even notice.)
3) 3) Your idea of a well-maintained home may not necessarily align with your spouse's idea of a well-maintained home. For example, you may have a low tolerance for dishes in the sink, while your spouse couldn't care less if the dishes are stacked to the moon. (Different people/Different styles!)
HERE'S WHAT YOU CAN DO
LEAD BY EXAMPLE: It falls to the more organized spouse to maintain the desired standard. Hopefully the lesser-organized spouse will see the value of a peaceful environment and get on board. (One can hope!) CLUTTER ATTRACTS CLUTTER, but the opposite is also true; order attracts order. I see this truth in my own home. We keep our shoes lined up under a bench in the entrance foyer. When people come over, they automaticaly slip out of their shoes and line them next to the others under the bench. AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
COMMUNICATE!!! Calmly discuss the way the clutter and disorganization are impacting you, and remember - no name calling at this point! Try to avoid starting sentences with "You", which will invariably make messy spouse defensive.
ELIMINATE CLUTTER "MAGNETS". Remove boxes, bins, trays that actually invite random objects. Give messy spouse a drawer or a cabinet to stow their things to keep them out of sight (when possible), and opt for furniture that does double duty (like storage ottomans).
CREATE A HOME FOR EVERYTHING, AND MAKE IT EASY TO PUT THINGS AWAY; Give messy spouse their own space (hint: opt for a low-traffic area!). I have an overstuffed easy chair in our bedroom specifically for my husband's stuff. It's STUFFED with stuff, but that's his area to do with as he chooses. Ditto his night-table, which is totally off limits to my Swiffer and clean-up attempts.
Similarly, I have a friend with a large home, and she's given her husband a room of his own ("his man cave").......and the rest of her home is pristine.
ASK YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER IF THEY'D LIKE HELP ORGANIZING THEIR CLOSET (BILLS, OR WHATEVER). There's a good chance they'll decline the offer, but you never know.
And finally, my very best advice.............If clutter and chore wars get out of hand, GET HELP (either in the form of a housekeeper, a Professional Organizer or both. It's cheaper than a therapist or a lawyer!
'Til next time - Be well, be safe, be organized.
