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Greetings!

Deborah Wuehler and family

I desire better relationships with my kids. There are days I don't really like one or two of my kids; in fact, there are days I like very few of them. My love can be fickle. I love my children more than a momma bear loves her cubs, so don't mess with them! But my love can sometimes be performance driven. I find myself displaying these traits: If they obey, I will show them my love. If they get their schoolwork done, I will be nice and kind to them.

It took the challenge of raising a very difficult, defiant child to test those traits and prove them unsound in building a healthy relationship. I learned more on my knees and in the Word of God than I did in all my training manuals. The Epistle of John has something surprising to say about love:

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love (1 John 4:7-8)."

One of my greatest desires and blessings in life has been getting to know God. I painfully learned through this verse that I did not know Him if I did not love, especially as it relates to my children. I thought I was so righteous, but I was shown that I didn't even know God because of my lack of love! There is a lot more in this chapter, but let's look at verse 19:

We love him, because he first loved us.

Our children will love us because we first love them, but our children fail and our human love fails. God's love never fails. Our children will love because they see the love of God made manifest in and through us. And on those days when we don't feel we have what it takes to really love our children, Romans 5:8 tells us:

"God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

While I was yet a sinner Christ showed his greatest love by laying down his life. While my children are yet sinning, they need to see the love of God in me. The kind of sacrificial love that says, I will lay down my life for you, with my desire being that you will not stay the way you are, but that you will come fully to know love, and therefore, know God.

If you find yourself withholding love or affection until your children have proven themselves loveable, you may be waiting so long that you lose the chance to build a loving relationship now that will stand the test of time.

So, take each child, look them in the eye, and let them know you really love them. And when they are especially ornery, take special time to reinforce your love for them. Just maybe, they'll see God in you.

~Deborah

P.S. I am also going to be speaking the next couple of days at the Great Homeschool Convention in Long Beach, CA, May 24-26th on Homeschooling the Rebel, and Before You Say, "I Quit!" If you are coming to the convention, please stop by our booth and meet several of the Suarez and Wuehler family members. We'd love to meet you!

~~~

Diana Waring

A few days ago, I was invited by visiting friends, who are horse-lovers, to attend a natural horsemanship clinic with them.  They were thrilled that this traveling clinic was going to be so close to my home--a lot closer than their home in Australia!!

So there I was, watching in amazement, as an instructor demonstrated the relationship she had developed with a horse that others had deemed "untrainable."  The two of them played together, performing beautiful and intricate maneuvers, while constantly reaffirming the special love, trust, and respect they had between them.

Two things struck me about this incredible relationship:

1) It took a lot of time, working unobserved by others--little by little, day after day--to develop that which we sat in the stands to see;

2) And very few of the thousands of the people entertained by this beautiful sight would be willing to invest the time and effort necessary to experience it for themselves.

And that's where this week's topic comes in .

Have you noticed how much time you spend with your kids??  Of course you have.  That's one of the inescapable facets of homeschooling.  So, right from the get-go, you are already spending what is absolutely required to develop a relationship with your kids--hours and hours, days and days, weeks and weeks, months and months, years and years together. 

And, has anyone ever said to you that they would never be able to homeschool--because they couldn't stand being around their kids that much? It's sad, but, oh, so common.  You, on the other hand, are already miles down the road toward building relationships with your kids because you have chosen the far more demanding path of actually figuring out how to get along with each other. You are discovering how to teach them math facts while you learn important subjects like "laundry off the table and dinner on the table"!

You are presently corralled with your kids. . . And I, for one, want to take this moment to recognize the amazing progress you have already made, and enthusiastically say, "Well done!!"

Now that you recognize that you have made progress in leaps and bounds toward achieving a relationship with your kids, I have two quick suggestions (that take a lifetime to implement):

1) Laugh more. A lot more. Intentionally find ways to add humor into your daily life.  Read funny books out loud, practice funny jokes, play funny games, observe funny animals. You name it.  If it's funny (the good kind of funny--not making fun of somebody), do it!

2) Enjoy your kids. Right now, just as they are. Those things that drive you crazy are actually the immature version of their adult giftings. (Can you imagine Mikhail Baryshnikov's parents trying to get him to sit down and be still? Or Barbara Walters' parents trying to get her to stop asking so many questions??)

Stay relational!

Diana

P.S. If you are looking for some ideas to add humor into your homeschool, try my workshop CD, Hilarious Homeschool, guaranteed to add guffaws.  And, if you want more help with enjoying your kids, you might find my workshop DVD, Not Just Your Average Genius, to be just what the doctor ordered.  Mention THM as you order and receive the CD for $5 and the DVD for $10.

P.P.S. And that reminds me!  We are Ho for Indiana! now, as we pack up, load up, and head out to Anderson, Indiana--our new home. So, from now until the end of June, if you can wait, place an order on our website, wait patiently, and then receive a 15% discount on everything!  That includes the CD & DVD I just mentioned. See you on the other side!!