What's a Parent To Do?     

by Karen "Spunky" Braun      

If there is a single image that defines this generation it is of a teenager with earplugs in his ears strutting down the street to his favorite music while intently texting his friends about the latest Facebook status of a mutual friend. And the friend may be someone he has never actually met IRL (in real life), but a virtual friend--that is a friend of another virtual friend. Eventually, he strolls in the door without hearing the greeting of his mom and plops down on a laptop to continue the chat.  

The teen is in a virtual world and most parents are searching for what to do.

If you are like any parent, your first temptation is to grab his phone and drop it from the Golden Gate Bridge (after the teen has been detached, of course) and then praying afterward that your little darling doesn't jump in to retrieve it.

But taking away the technology or restricting its use rarely works. Why?

Because technology does not create character; it exposes it and builds upon it.  

The problem is not the cell phone or Facebook; it's the condition of his heart. A foolish heart will act foolishly but a wise heart will act wisely.

"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child" Scripture says. So while your teen has the body of an adult, he may still carry within his heart some of the foolish tendencies of a child. That foolishness is often exposed when we place an adult device like a cell phone into his hands. As parents, we're surprised and increasingly frustrated because our child never acted this way until he got the phone. Don't be misled. He didn't act foolishly because he didn't have the opportunity NOT because he didn't have foolish notions. But introduce an opportunity and the foolish notions have an outlet and the heart is exposed.

Our desire as parents is to train our children to become self-regulating adults and that includes the responsible use of phones, computers, and whatever device is dreamed up next. But how?

This space doesn't permit a lengthy answer to that question, but I'll submit to you one idea--model the responsible use of technology in your home. Your teen may be just as frustrated with your "checking out" when they need you to be present for them. How many times since you sat at your computer today has one of your children asked you a question only to hear the "in a minute" for the fifteen thousandth time?

So before you throw your child's cell phone off the bridge; ask yourself, would your child like to do the same thing to your computer?  

If you would like your child to be present for you, then become a parent who is present for your child.  

For added thoughts please read Spunky's poem, Mom's on the Computer.  

~Karen "Spunky" Braun

www.spunkyhomeschool.blogspot.com 

www.facebook.com/SpunkyHomeschool 

Like everything new, advancements in technology can feel like an invasion. Since I consider myself technically challenged, I always have to be carried into the next development in communication. Young people are not so. Even though we joke about our children having to set up our computers and remote controls, the truth is that they enjoy and understand technology.

Having said that, parents remain parents. We must learn about the things that interest our children and the things that will affect them. Building a foundation of trust is the key to addressing all the other challenges of relationships, including peers. Communicating with others doesn't have to be viewed with suspicion if we take the lead and focus on the priority of trust that makes all aspects of media, social and otherwise, work in the context of family.

How do we build that trust relationship? Encourage honesty. Model honesty. Don't ask your children to answer the phone and tell others you are not home when you are standing right there. Don't take the easy way out, even in small things. If you know you should put the cart back, don't leave it in the middle of the parking lot. Don't expect your children to do what you say. Expect them to do what you do. This foundation of transparency is key if you want your children to be honest with you, especially about their words.

Words have power, particularly words in print. The words we speak are remembered for a while; the words we write can be remembered forever. The Internet lends a new power to this understanding. Casual words spoken privately can be shouted from a virtual rooftop. Help your children understand Internet safety and how words can be retained and used in ways they didn't intend.

Honesty and openness in a relationship is a gift and a protection. Help your children understand that your desire is not to limit their enjoyment of communicating, but to offer wisdom and protection. Shared respectfully, this can be a tool of building something much more important: your lifelong bond of friendship.

~ Debbie