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Adoptive Parent Bulletin
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May 2012
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Opening our Minds to 
Hospitious Adoption
Jim Gritter's visit exceeded our expectations. We were so impressed by our open adoption community's response to our event on April 15. We hope everyone felt as enriched by this interactive discussion as we did.
In addition to the community event, the OA&FS staff had an in-depth exploration with Jim into the philosophy of his book "Hospitious Adoption". We appreciated his thoughtful, high-integrity perspective. We discussed the concept of "keeping the end in mind from the beginning" in order for all of the adoption constellation members to truly feel at home in their open adoptions. The insights we gathered and explored were numerous; we are eager to weave them into our program!
We were honored that Jim was, in turn, impressed by the dedication and expertise of our OA&FS staff. We enjoyed our time together immensely. Thank you Jim, and thanks to all the OA&FS community for learning and growing with us.
Here's a quote from Jim's book that captures our experience, "The naturally hospitable are healers in our midst. Almost effortlessly, it seems, they bridge our differences and bring out our best. They are open, available to others, willing to be vulnerable, affirming of others and do not feel threatened that others are capable and good, for they have the self-assurance that comes from knowing they belong to a greater whole."
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An Open Adoption & Family Services Monthly Publication
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The Adoptive Parent Bulletin is sent to all adoptive parents from the time of their intake interview until two years after their most recent placement.
If you would like to extend your subscription, please contact Marketing and Development Director Sally Shuey at 503-226-4870 or sally@openadopt.org.
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Join our Social Media Communities
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Your visits support our campaign to build awareness about the benefits of open adoption! By liking us on Facebook, and viewing and liking videos on YouTube, you make it easier for people who need pregnancy options and adoption planning services to learn more and find OA&FS.
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 Announcements
Welcome to the Pool:
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In Adoption Planning:
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 Congratulations:- On Thursday March 15, Heather and Tom Stricklin packed up the car and their two children, Caleb and Lucia, and headed to Milwaukie, Oregon, after learning about the birth of their son, Everett, (Evers for short!) They spent the next couple days sharing the hospital experience with Everett's birthparents, Cody and Talicia, and with birth grandmothers Rebekah and Priscilla. On Saturday, all parties were present to participate in a poignant entrustment ceremony, in which they voiced their commitment to communicate with one another lovingly and respectfully, and to work together to meet Everett's needs. Tom and Heather thoughtfully presented Cody and Talicia with their own stuffed purple rabbits-knowing that an identical one would be kept close to the baby's crib. Later that evening, Heather and Tom texted a photo of the baby with his rabbit to the birthparents, who felt assured that Evers was in loving, caring arms with Tom and Heather.
- Sharon Gelinas and Jeff Laub of Kirkland, Washington had a wonderful surprise when they received word that their daughter, Kathryn Jean Laub, born April 2, had arrived in San Antonio, Texas a bit early. After scrambling to change flight arrangements Sharon and Jeff connected with Kathryn's birthmother, Niccole, at the hospital and spent the next several days together sharing stories and getting to know Little Miss Kathryn while Kathryn's birthfather, Daniel, sent his well wishes and welcoming thoughts from Oregon. Niccole joked with Sharon and Jeff at the entrustment that Kathryn will likely be into princesses and dresses since she, Jeff and Sharon are all geologists.
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OA&FS News & Resources
Photo Memories of the Jim Gritter Q&A Thanks to everyone who came to hear Jim Gritter speak on April 15. Staff photographer Lori captured the action. Check out the photo album on Facebook for memories of that special day. Give to the Birthmothers' Retreat This year OA&FS will be hosting a Birthmothers' Retreat in both Portland and Eugene on Birthmothers' Day, Saturday May 12, 2012. Every year we are honored to have the opportunity to support women as they connect with one another, share about their own adoption experience, relax and have fun together. Your donation to this event goes toward a special gift for each Birthmother. We appreciate contributions of any amount! (Please type "Birthmothers' Retreat" in comments box.) Save the Adoption Tax Credit! The adoption tax credit is due to "sunset" at the end of this year unless Congress and the Administration act. In an effort to Save The Adoption Tax Credit, Joint Council has teamed up with other adoption advocates to launch a "Save the Adoption Tax Credit" campaign. Get the adoption tax credit advocacy kit here. Please take the first step in saving the adoption tax credit by 'liking' the Save The Adoption Tax Credit Facebook page and then send it to everyone you know! Coping With "The Wait" By Katie Neimeyer, LCSW, Counselor As a counselor at OA&FS, I have had the honor of witnessing an amazing variety of experiences and emotions that occur throughout the adoption process. One of the most unique and challenging aspects of the journey for adoptive families is waiting in the pool. While everything else in your life looks nearly identical to your life prior to entering the pool, the intensity is heightened, which can make each day a bit more exhausting, scary, sad, hopeful, frustrating, confusing, or interesting. "To wait" is not typically synonymous with joy, delight and contentment: waiting in traffic, waiting in line at the store, waiting to hear about a job, a house, a diagnosis, or waiting to get the call that you have been chosen. Waiting implicitly means our present condition is not as desirable as our future condition. It doesn't mean we're not happy, but we feel and believe we could be happier. For those of you in the pool at OA&FS, you have placed your trust in the agency as you navigate the path from present to future happiness. We do not take this lightly. We are committed to supporting you and advocating for you. We are also aware that our efforts may not completely ease the intensity of your experience in the pool. While waiting in traffic, we often wonder if we should have left earlier or later or taken a different route. At the grocery store we can pick the shortest line or ask a friend to stand in another line to see which goes more quickly. Waiting to hear about a home or a diagnosis, we might do research or talk to others. What do you do while waiting to be chosen? You may find yourself looking at the website, calling your counselor for support, attending a gathering, reaching out to others in the pool or those who have adopted, yet the pain, curiosity, hope, frustration, sadness, and insecurities continue to appear: "Am I/are we good enough? Is our letter/profile good enough? Did we choose the right agency? Are we on the right path? Will they get chosen before us? Why did they get chosen before us? Who are the birthparents that will choose us? Why will they choose us? Did we state those reasons clearly in our letter/profile? Is our letter/profile good enough? Am I/are we good enough? Where do you go from here? Unfortunately, there isn't one right answer. It depends on the day, the mood, and the external and internal circumstances. Some say the conditions for happiness already exist within each of us. Is this true for you? While in the pool, what helps you stay in tune with your internal happiness? Robin Rose, author of Shifting Gears: A brain-based approach to engaging your best self, suggests the below activities to pause and recuperate. - Identify the people in your life that add value and positive energy. Find time to be in touch with them on a regular basis. And, identify those that are draining. If in your personal life, reduce your contact with them (and thinking about them). If in your professional life? When you meet or work with them stay focused on the task at hand, rather than trying to make them right, wrong or your friend.
- EVERY night, before you fall asleep, do two things: identify two things you are grateful for that day (gratitude increases your opiates) and breathe deeply and slowly. Take seven long, slow, deep belly breaths. It is essential that you turn off your fight or flight system before you try to sleep, otherwise it will stop you from falling asleep, and/or wake you repeatedly throughout the night.
- You might try listening to a relaxation CD as you fall asleep (try Amazon for a good selection). Retrain your system to release the day and relax into recuperation and restoration.
- Use Thought Stopping. Watch your thoughts. Notice when you start to worry, repeat fearful thoughts or thoughts of blame or aggression. Each of these thoughts fires up your fight or flight system and contributes to fatigue and burnout. Have a calming phrase ready to replace the fear/worry thoughts with. Retrain your mind. Post these new phrases near your computer, on your dashboard, and in your bathroom.
Are these helpful to you? Let us know. We are truly committed to your process: the difficult times, and the rewarding times, but especially the times that are not easily defined. |
Gatherings
Portland
Topic: Keeping the End in Mind: How to Weather the Bumps in an Open Adoption Relationship
Thursday May 10, 6:30-8 pm
OA&FS Portland Office, 5200 SW Macadam Suite 250
Feel free to bring a snack to share!
RSVP: lori@openadopt.org.
Save the date! For the June Portland Waiting Family Group, you're invited to gather for a picnic potluck at Karl and Myrna's house. This will be held on Sunday, June 10 from 2 - 6 p.m. at 1523 NE Skidmore St., Portland, OR 97211.
For this gathering we would like to invite waiting families plus families that have recently adopted in the last year or two that would like to connect with the friends they have made in the waiting family group. Please bring your stories about your adoption experience and your babies for hugging and squeezing! Karl will be making some form of smoked meat with homemade BBQ sauce. Please bring a side dish to share and your beverage of choice. RSVP to lori@openadopt.org.
Eugene
Topic: Hospitious Adoption
Wednesday May 9, 7-8:30 pm
First United Methodist Church
1376 Olive St., Room 19
Seattle
Cinco de Mayo Fiesta Potluck!
Thursday May 3, 7-9:00 pm
The 2100 Building, 2100 24th Ave S
Please bring snacks if your last name begins with A-L and drinks (non-alcoholic por favor) if your last name begins with M-Z.
RSVP: lisa@openadopt.org
Community Gatherings
Check out the following community events and resources organized by other OA&FS adoptive parents in your area:
Salem
An adoption support group meets the third Tuesday of every month from 6:30 -7:30 at Pringle Hall in Salem. For information contact Christie Van Winkle at justaminion@gmail.com.
Eugene
Karen Luks, adoptive mother, welcomes OA&FS families to join the Eugene-Springfield area Yahoo! Group, by sending an email to EugeneOAFS-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.
Seattle
Transracial Family Group
For more information, or to be added to the group's email list, contact adoptive parents Terri and Mary-Pat at terriandmarypat@comcast.net.
Gay and Lesbian Family Group
The Gay and Lesbian Family Group meets every other month on the second Sunday. To join this group, please email adoptive father Bill Soderberg at bjsoderberg@comcast.net.
Olympia
Christa Richardson, adoptive mother, hosts a Yahoo! Group to arrange potlucks in Olympia. Join by sending an email to: olyoafs-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.
Kitsap Penninsula
Traia Wensel, adoptive mother, invites open adoption families in the Kitsap Penninsula area to join a Yahoo! Group for arranging get togethers and play groups. To join, email: kitsap_oafs-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.
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Adoption Related Events
Portland
Adoption Mosaic Transracial Parenting Workshop
Workshop appropriate for adoptive parents, waiting parents and professionals to be held at SE Uplift Building. Preregistration required.
Saturday May 5, 9 am-4 pm
NAFA Great Expectations for Waiting Families
A souce of support, guidance and information for adoptive parents-to-be. Topic: Adoption triad panel. Location Legacy Emanual Hospital.
Friday May 11, 7-8:30 pm
Bearing Witness Art Exhibit
Healing pregnancy loss and infertility through the arts.
Opening Reception:
Friday, May 11, 5-9:00 pm
Viewing Hours:
Saturday, May 12, 10-6:00 pm
Adoption Mosaic Run Mama Run
10K run/5K walk and kids fun run at Mt. Tabor Park. Let's celebrate all of the Mamas in our lives together!
Sunday May 13, 8:30 am check in
Adoption Mosaic Adult Adoptee Movie Group
Through the viewing and discussion of mainstream movies, the adult adoptee experience is shared and normalized. Join us for a movie, popcorn and a facilitated discussion.
Tuesday, May 15, 6:00 pm
Adoption Mosaic LBGTQ Monthly Support Group
Common questions that prospective adoptive parents ask at different points in the process of adopting, with a focus on LBGTQ interests and challenges.
Thursday May 17, 6-8:00 pm
NAFA Baby & Toddler Care Class for Adoptive Parents
Plan for your new baby or toddler with this workshop that includes discussions with a registered nurse and adoptive parents.
Saturday May 19, 8:30 am-4:00 pm.
NAFA Play Group
Saturday, May 19, 11 am-1:00 pm
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Outreach News
To educate others about open adoption and services available at our agency, OA&FS staff conduct outreach presentations and free trainings throughout the region year-round, including the presentations listed below.
- On March 22 and 23 Portland counselors Jessica Gibson and Katie Niemeyer hosted an informational booth at the annual Reproductive Health Conference in Portland, Ore. They spoke with an estimated 40 conference participants about OA&FS's non-biased, all-options counseling. They also shared information about openness and about OA&FS's collaboration with DHS to provide at-risk clients with an alternative to state adoption.
- On March 28, Portland Counselor Jessica Gibson presented to a group of ten charge nurses and supervisors at Willamette Falls Medical Center. She provided information about pregnancy options, the placement experience, and OA&FS's unique, relationship-based approach to open adoption. The nurses were very interested in learning about how to support both birthparents and adoptive parents during the hospital experience.
- On April 2, Eastern Washington Contract Counselor and Outreach Coordinator Marianne Harris met with two social workers and the maternity head nurse at Prosser Medical Center. The Medical Center sits halfway between Yakima and the Tri Cities in the heart of Eastern Washington wine country, with minimal services within close proximity. They were happy to have another referral option for open adoption and pregnancy options counseling.
- On April 5, Seattle Counselor Heather Goldy participated in an adoption training at Whidbey General Hospital in Coupeville, Washington. Heather presented information about Open Adoption & Family Services to fifteen medical professionals (OBGYN's, Labor and Delivery RN's, MA's, Office Staff) from Island Women's Healthcare and Whidbey Family Birthplace. She gave a general overview of open adoption and our process, specifically highlighting our free options counseling services and our ability to have counselors meet clients on the island to break down any barriers around transportation. Heather educated the doctors and nurses about how to discuss all options with their patients using positive adoptive language and suggested a referral to OA&FS could simplify their process. The staff seemed to be relieved at the idea of referring clients to our agency for further counseling services and stated that they were impressed with our services and thankful for the work that we do.
- On April 6, Seattle Counselor Courtney Gray spent an active hour with 25 students from Skyline High School's Child Development Class. Together the students discussed their opinions about many things related to unplanned pregnancies, what it means to "take responsibility" for children, and how challenging options exploration truly is. Courtney provided information about adoption law, the process of placing a child for adoption, and OA&FS' services, while dispelling many myths about birthparents and adoption along the way. A student bravely shared his story as an adoptee in a closed adoption, and became a courageous voice for openness and how helpful 'even the smallest bit of information' would have been. His and all the students' comments were both incredibly thoughtful and appreciated.
- On April 9, Eastern Oregon Counselor Angie Lunde, presented information about the alternative to state adoption to four new Department of Human Resources (DHS) workers in Enterprise, OR. She was able to use examples of three placements done in Eastern Oregon in cooperation with DHS to illustrate how well it can work for families who are given the option of choosing adoption through our agency when faced with Child Welfare involvement for their babies. It's a win/win situation for the state and these families.
- On April 11, Executive Director Shari Levine presented to six Oregon MothersCare workers at Opening Doors in Portland. They provide home visits to moms with children up to the age of three who are struggling. They were very interested in our services, especially our collaborative relationship with DHS.
- On April 17, Seattle Counselor Courtney Gray spoke with eight family planning nurses employed by King County Public Health. The nurses were from different areas of Western Washington and were delighted to know more about OA&FS and our services. They were happy to know our options counseling services are available and easily accessible, and gained a greater understanding of adoption and openness. They appreciated our promotional materials and requested more copies to have available for referrals.
- On April 17 and 19, Eugene counselor Irie Hoffman presented information about open adoption and OA&FS specifically, to four different health classes at Thurston High School as a part of their "3 Options" series in which all the options available to women facing an untimely pregnancy are discussed. Each class contained between 15 and 30 Junior students and all of the students participated in exercises around adoption beliefs, discussed the effects of specific circumstances on their beliefs and asked thoughtful questions based on their own experiences with adoption. Irie finished each class with two videos from the new DVD and many students were surprised at how "loving" open adoption relationships are.
- On April 23-24, Portland counselor Katie Niemeyer attended the Adolescent Sexuality Conference in Seaside, Oregon where she spoke with over 50 people about OA&FS, our free options counseling services, and the open adoption process. Many of the professionals already have our fliers in their schools, clinics, and agencies, but there were quite a few that were hearing about OA&FS for the first time. Everyone was eager to gather information (brochures, DVD's and outreach materials) to refer pregnant women and couples for non-biased, pro-choice options counseling. Katie also had the joy of talking with nearly every teen at the conference as they asked inquisitive questions and shared their own stories.
- On April 26, Seattle Counselor Courtney Gray presented about open adoption to a class of 25 students at South Sound High School in Lacey, Wash. During a weekly time where guest speakers are brought in, these students chose to learn more about open adoption. The students varied in age and many were already parenting at least one child. Staff showed appreciation for the presentation and are hopeful that the stigma adoption carries with so many students at the school will be challenged by what was discussed.
- On April 26, Seattle Counselor Courtney Gray met with six staff members and medical students at the Providence St. Peter Family Medicine Teen Parenting Program in Olympia, Wash. The professionals were happy to learn about OA&FS services, especially the free options counseling, and were especially eager for any tips and tools to help them talk more skillfully with teens about pregnancy options.
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1-800-772-1115 Para Espaņol 1-800-985-6763 www.openadopt.org Portland 503-226-4870, FAX 503-226-4891 Eugene 541-343-4825, FAX 541-431-1241 Seattle 206-782-0442, FAX 206-782-0578 |
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