"Focused Energy
Your Success Thought for the Week of May 17, 2006

Imagine your partner focusing all of his energy on you, watching for constant feedback, setting immensely high personal expectations to take care of you, sacrificing himself to provide everything you need. While this may sound exciting short term, this intensely focused energy would grow uncomfortable, even boring in the long term.

Where’s the intrigue? You are far too free-spirited to be watched this closely. And, without asking, how could he possibly know what is truly important to you?

Many of us believe we must give this focused energy to our patients, teams, clients and customers. We live this lie daily. “They need me to take care of them and their every need.” Those who rely on you need you to provide a specific service, not sacrifice yourself. This is as true for the leader of a corporation as it is for a parent.

How much focused energy is enough? Statements I’ve heard lately are: “My clients wear me out with their expectations. There’s nothing left for me at the end of the day.” “My clients expect me to perform miracles. In trying so hard, I find myself making mistakes, which frustrates me, causes guilt and resentment toward them.”

Who is setting up these expectations, you or your client? Assuming what another needs is dangerous in any relationship. This causes all-or-nothing thinking, leaving no room for creativity, experimentation, or even fun in your relationships. “Either I am all things to my clients, or they’ll leave me for someone who is. I will have failed.”

Is it important to exceed our customer’s expectations? Absolutely, but not at a cost to you! The mastery is in creating a balance between their needs and your own.

In reality, is there anyone in your world whom you expect will sacrifice for you? Do you want a service provider to have sleepless nights over you? Do you want anyone to assume what you need? Is that their role or is it yours to communicate this? If they are in doubt, wouldn’t it be prudent to ask you rather than assume?

Why are we afraid to ask the question: “How can I best serve you?” “What part of my service can be improved upon?” “Each year I like to reevaluate the service I provide. How can we make more money for all involved?” Make your client accountable for helping you grow and become better. Take the pressure off yourself.

I can assure you that their expectations of you are not nearly as high as the ones that you’ve set upon yourself. The struggle is in your mind, not in their unspoken word. Even if there are no suggested changes, you’ve communicated that you care and you've reduced your self-imposed pressure.

Take a look at where you focus your own energy this week. Do you focus it upon unrealistic expectations? Do you save some of that energy for yourself?

How can you best serve ‘you’ in each interaction? Perhaps choose your battles? Perhaps be very clear on the outcomes you seek with certain individuals or situations? Allow your learning to come, ask questions, and listen to the answers.

Enjoy your discoveries and have an outstanding week!


Ann Golden Eglé, MCC
Executive Coach & President
Golden Visions Success Coaching, LLC

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Permission is granted to either reproduce copy or distribute "Your Success Thought for the Week for May 3, 2006" as long as this copyright notice and full information about contacting the author is attached. The author is Ann Golden Eglé, Golden Visions Success Coaching, LLC, 541.385.8887, 21775 Rickard Rd., Bend, Oregon 97701, www.GoldenVisionsSuccess.com

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