Be Your True Self and Design the Life You Love

We've all heard about (and I hope experienced) the "power of love".  To feel a deeper impact of love, we need to be open to receive it as well as give it.  An extreme example of the power of love is revealed in the research done by Dr. Sean Mackey (from Stanford University's Neuroscience and Pain lab) where subjects who endured pain stimuli literally felt 44% less pain when they focused on a loved one.  Similar to gratitude, directing your thoughts towards love could be transformative.

At its essence, love is defined as a feeling of warm, personal attachment.  How often do you feel that for yourself?  Do you embody this quality at all times, especially with yourself?  With the stresses of life, it can be hard.  But it's essential to come from a place of love and express it in order to feel happier and get what you want (especially if it's more love).   

With anything you want in life, you have to give it to yourself first and be open to receiving it too.  As Leo Buscaglia (Ph.D.) states in his book Love: What Life Is All About, "you can only give to others what you have yourself."  You could start by eliminating old resentments and forgive, not only others, but also yourself.  Holding on to any grudges could block your ability to love.  Once you release yourself from any past pain and truly love yourself, you could move on to receiving love and therefore giving love more freely.

Below is more information and exercises about expressing forgiveness and experiencing love:

• Forgiveness: In some cases, it's understandable you might be feeling hurt.  So you have to decide if holding on to a grudge is worth it.  Or would you be happier if you forgave, let go, and moved on?  If so, try the exercises below to help forgive yourself and others.

• Forgiving Yourself: Use the ancient Hawaiian technique to release and forgive: repeat the following saying: "I'm sorry.  Please forgive me.  Thank you.  I love you."  This technique is based on the belief that taking responsibility for what happens to you allows you to bring in the essence of forgiveness into any situation.
• Forgiving Others: Write 3 letters (on 3 different days) to someone who has hurt you.  The first letter should convey all of your anger.  The second letter could continue to communicate your anger (but to a lesser degree than the first letter).  It should also include elements of compassion, understanding, and some level of forgiveness for the person who hurt you.  For your third letter, try to re-interpret the situation, noticing where you might have learned something from the situation or where you might have had some involvement in the outcome of the situation.  None of these letters should be mailed.  These letters aren't meant to impact the person who hurt you.  They are meant to shift your energy, and ultimately lessen the drama in your relationship with this person.  This decrease in tension could transform the other person's energy, ideally making room for love.  (From the book Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping.)
• Love (Self):  Giving yourself love is key so you could have energy to give love to others.  Additionally, receiving love from others allows you to connect with that person.  It actually benefits your mind, heart, and body too! Research shows that when you receive, your levels of serotonin (the neurotransmitter of happiness) increase just as much as when you give. 

• So be sure to nourish yourself and take care of your mind and body with healthy food, exercise, and happy thoughts.  Make a list of things that make you feel good, write each down on a piece of paper, and put them in a box. When you need a boost, pick a piece of paper out of the box and do it.     

• When someone offers you a gift - whether it's a present, compliment, or offer to help you - just receive it.  Say thank you and feel appreciation in your heart.  (From the book Love: What Life Is All About by Leo Buscaglia.)

• Love (Others): Loving someone obviously comes naturally.  Remember to be grateful for these people.  There are also some relationships where you need to further cultivate that love.  Insure you're feeling connected to these people.  Make a list of loved ones you want to stay in touch with and then plan a time in your calendar to see or talk with them.

• If you're not feeling energized by a relationship with someone, think about what you could give them (compassion, understanding, no judgement) that might shift your dynamic.

• If you continue to experience hard times with a loved one, take a step back and ask what have you learned about yourself or life because of this experience?  Consider that this person (who may have seemed to hurt you) actually gave you a gift with the life lesson you received. 

My hope is you feel more open to love for yourself and ultimately for others.  You can make choices to experience your life in a whole new way.  Specifically, you could actually enjoy the holidays in a way like you haven't in the past.  Remember, all this change starts with you!

For more information on how to work with gratitude, forgiveness, and receiving love, feel free to get in touch at [email protected].