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"March Madness"
Chandler Fleming, LMSW
Anger in itself is neither good nor bad. It is much like a baseball bat; you can use it to hit home runs or to break legs. It is how anger is used that is important. It was anger that caused Colonists to throw tea in Boston Harbor and demand freedom. It was anger that caused Rosa Parks to refuse to go to the back of the bus and demand equality. Anger can be used to motivate people toward positive change.
Unfortunately, too many people do not allow anger to be positive but instead use it as an excuse to be negative and abusive. Most of us have heard someone say "I could not help it, I was angry."
Anger is not considered to be a true emotion but what is referred to as an umbrella emotion. People who report feeling angry are actually scared, sad, or frustrated. By deciding what is the underlying emotion many people are able to better deal with anger and use it in a positive manner.
There are three rules to remember when you feel angry.
1. The first is to identify the underlying emotion. What is it that is bothering you?
2. The second rule is to not make what is bad, worse. Many people are so focused on the bad of the situation that they make it worse. It is shocking that some people destroy their own items because they are angry. Do not throw your phone against the ground because you feel angry that your favorite team lost the big game. If you do, you have made a bad situation worse.
3. The final rule is called the "magic twos". Before doing anything when you are angry, ask yourself: Will this matter in two minutes? In two hours? In two days? In two weeks? In two months? Many of us lose our temper over things that will not matter in just two minutes.
If you find that these suggestions are not enough to help you better manage your feelings, or if when you look at your life and see losses that anger has helped create, i.e. loss of job, relationships, or happiness; then it is time to get professional help.
If you need help with your anger, please call 248-244-8644
"You Need Not Walk Alone"
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