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Yes,we know it's not PC to use the B word, but let's be honest, that's what we call
stepmothers, and that's what stepmothers call wife number one.
No One's the Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan for Mothers and Stepmothers
is a revolutionary, new approach to diffusing the traditional animosity
between moms and stepmoms -- and creating a brand, new version of an
extended family that's healthier and happier.
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| Forget Perfect Monday Minute |
Mom's and Stepmoms:
No One Has to be the Witch
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"About 1,300 new stepfamilies are forming every
day, and many include a mom and a stepmother who often secretly wish the other
one would choke on a poison apple."
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The
evil stepmother is a staple villain of fairy tales. A wicked witch who cackles
into a mirror, she starves her husband's children while she wallows in riches.
Today's stepmoms might not be accused of casting
spells, but talk to any first wife about her husband's new wife and you'll
likely discover a bubbling cauldron of resentment. And the word they often use
to describe the new Mrs. isn't witch, but it sure rhymes with it.
About 1,300 new stepfamilies are forming every
day, and many include a mom and a stepmother who often secretly wish the other
one would choke on a poison apple.
I've had friends on both sides of this
issue.
First wives who watched their ex-husbands marry
childless, often younger, women and then found themselves resenting the heck
out of the fact that while they struggled along as a single mom, hubby and the
new wife enjoyed the benefits of two incomes. While they're going to Bora Bora
and fine restaurants, the first wife is stuck paying bills and playing the
heavy, having to explain to the kids, "Yes, I know Dad and Suzie took you
to Disney World, but we're spending our vacation cleaning out the
gutters."
Or worse, women who watched their husband marry
someone with kids and saw him give the time and attention to someone else's
children, time they wished he were giving to his own.
But I've also had friends who married men with
kids, and who tried their very best to be good stepmothers, only to discover
that the ex-wife hated them on sight and the kids resented every single thing
they did.
So imagine my surprise when I discovered a mother
and stepmother who not only liked and supported each other, but who actually
wrote a book about how mothers and stepmothers can get along.
Jennifer Newcomb Marine (the ex-wife) and Carol
Marine (the stepmom) authored the book "No One's the B----: A Ten-Step
Plan for the Mother and Stepmother Relationship."
Yes, they did use the "b" word fully
spelled out in their title, because let's face it, that's what moms and
stepmoms often call each other, if not out loud, in their own minds.
It's a setup that's doomed to fail. Both women
instinctively want the best for their own family, but there never seems to be
enough resources to go around. Combine fights over money with disagreements
about discipline and a heavy dose of post-divorce guilt, and it's no surprise
that stepfamilies with children have a 69 percent divorce rate.
Experts say the adults should get along "for
the sake of the kids." Yet Carol and Jennifer (www.noonesthebitch.com) say they
disliked each other on site. Years of stress and angst finally prompted
them to create peace.
Jennifer (the ex-wife) says, "There is such
heartbreak after a divorce; you took this family unit that was like a little
glass bowl, and shattered it."
Yet Marine says it is possible to create a new
mosaic. The post-divorce, Newcomb/Marine version of extended family now includes,
not only mom, stepmom, dad, and the original two children, but also dad and
stepmom's new baby boy, whom Jennifer (the ex-wife) says feels like her
nephew.
Is it the happily ever after we read about in
fairy tales? Not exactly. But it sure beats having to share your kids with a
witch.
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