| Forget Perfect Monday Minute |
Why I'm Unfriending My Husband on Facebook
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"It's junior high all over again, and I'm still hoping
that the cool kids will let me sit at the popular table during lunch." |
It's official, I'm a loser. My daughter refuses to friend
me on Facebook.
Yes, I am one of the grown-ups who's making Facebook
uncool. Once the purvey of hip teens, Facebook is now mainstream and
middle-aged.
Obama is on Facebook, as is Oprah, and they're both older
than I am, so you'd think I'd fit right in.
But alas, it would appear that the leader of the free
world and the queen of talk and philanthropy possess more panache than me.
Because not only does my daughter refuse to friend me, but none of her friends
will accept my Internet overtures either. Teenagers whom I have lovingly
welcomed into my home for over a decade have turned their electronic backs on
me.
Apparently having a picture of your mom, or your friend's
mom, on your Facebook page is social suicide (even if it is an airbrushed
publicity shot in which she has been assured that she looks almost un-mom
like).
Not that they'll come right out and tell you they're
rejecting you. Oh no, they hide behind a firewall of technology and just simply
ignore your request. So you send it again, and you keep wondering, did they get
it? Are they mulling it over? Do I not understand how this thing works? Will I
know if they choose me?
It's junior high all over again, and I'm still hoping
that the cool kids will let me sit at the popular table during lunch.
But the kids aren't doing anything different than many
adults. You send in a proposal or a request for a meeting, and if people aren't
interested they don't even send you back "no thanks." The Internet
has put shunning on turbo charge.
At least in junior high nobody knew how many people
signed your yearbook. But now, if you allow someone access to your Facebook
page, they can see exactly how many friends you have, and how many people wrote
on your wall.
Welcome to the new world, where the popularity contest
called life is judged electronically and you can be shunned with the click of a
mouse.
Blogs with hit counters tell the world which head
cheerleaders we should pay attention to, and which bores to ignore, while Web
site rankings feel like the electronic equivalent of voting for Mr. or Miss
Freshman.
I send out a weekly ezine, and if one person
unsubscribes, I'm scouring my commentaries with all the insecurity of
13-year-old scanning the mirror for potential zits.
However, while I may have been shunned by my daughter,
and some of the cool crowd, at least I have more Facebook friends than my poor
husband. I looked at his page and all his friends are geeky guys from work and
middle-aged people from church.
OMG. That's it! How can I achieve cyberspace popularity
when my Facebook page has me linked with a man who used to be in the math
league?
It's a cold cruel cyber world out there, and if a girl
wants to be popular she has to be careful about who her friends are.
So sorry honey, unless you can jazz up your profile or
post a picture where you don't look quite so middle-aged, I'm going to have to
un-friend you.
But don't worry sweetie, you can still Twitter
me, and no one will know. |
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