| Forget Perfect Monday Minute |
They Did What With Our Money?
|
"Who are we to sit in judgment of huge
corporations that pay their people million dollar bonuses for poor performance?" |
Many of you are criticizing certain corporations for
misuse of public funds. But I'd like to
call a time-out on all this whining.
We're in a crisis people, and the last thing we need is
for a bunch of tax-paying Americans to start questioning the actions of
corporate executives.
Did we criticize the single mother who put her son's
diabetes medication on VISA and can't make the minimum payments on her 30%
interest Citi card?
I think not.
Do we sit in judgment of the manufacturing worker who is
behind in his mortgage because he wasn't responsible enough to put a year's
worth of expenses in the bank before he lost his job?
I don't think so.
So why would we criticize our nation's finest financial
institutions simply because they don't know how to manage money. Who are we to sit in judgment of huge
corporations that pay their people million dollar bonuses for poor performance?
It's not like these people are professional
managers. These are top-level executives
who run billion dollar companies. Do you
honestly think that they have time to look over the financials or come up with
a comp plan that rewards good performance instead of bad?
Hello? When are
they supposed to play golf and decorate their offices?
Now I'm a consultant, and I usually charge for my
work. But I'm also an American and I
consider it my patriotic duty to help my country out in its time of need.
So I'm going to take one for the team here and provide
these folks with a little bit of free advice.
Because, unlike some of the rest of you judgmental citizens who are
whining about your money being spent on beachside Pina Colodas for a bunch of
executives, I don't believe this is an ethics problem. It's a training issue.
Having suffered at the hands of poorly trained bosses
myself, I'm offering this advice not just to help our flailing financial
system, but also for the rank and file employees of these giant financial firms
who are now taking all kinds of grief for the actions of their unenlightened bosses.
Yes sirree, I'm just a regular corporate Florence Nightingale, and here's
my just-in-time tourniquet to help these fine folks stop the bleeding.
1. Bonus = good
job: It's usually a nice idea to tie
your bonus plan to some kind of, uh, what do they call it, oh yeah, performance
measurements. Here's a simple formula to follow. You know that number at the bottom of the P
&L? Right across from where it says
net profit? If that number is in red with brackets around it, the people
responsible don't get extra money.
2. Expect people
to work: Now this can be tricky because,
in the financial world, the definition of work is somewhat slippery. But here's
a good test. If they have a really good
tan, and it's winter, and your company is in the middle of a crisis, chances
are they're not putting in 12-hour days sharpening the financial pencil.
3. Retain talent,
fire bloat: I know it's tempting to want
to keep all your buddies around, and what's a few million to retain someone who
is a hoot at company parties? But the
standard HR practice is that you only pay retention bonuses to people who
actually improve the performance of the company. If they run it into the
ground, you give them a little thing called a pink slip.
I hope these tips help and that the poor people running
these firms don't have to struggle much longer.
Because, it would be a crying shame if these
executives were forced to stay in the dark forever. |
