My aunt died of metastasized breast cancer in 2002.  Sad as that was, it is not the true tragedy in the story.  The tragedy is that, except for my uncle, she died alone.  They had no children.  She had become a recluse before her illness, and went even further underground as her condition declined.  My father, brother and I were her only extended family, and while she talked to us by phone, she refused all visitors, including hospice. My uncle abided by her wishes of solitude, became her sole caregiver and was one of only three at her funeral (my dad and I being the other two).

The impact of that scenario did not fully bloom for me until I was diagnosed with my own breast cancer two months ago.  Now, three weeks post-mastectomy, I cannot imagine walking this road
 as my aunt did, with so few warriors by her side.  Nor can I imagine putting my husband in such an isolated position of sole supporter.  The prayers, emails, cards, flowers, phone calls, chicken pot pie and blueberry muffins we've received are what have kept this train on the cancer-whippin' track.  And while we still face chemo, I have no doubt that all our warriors will be with us through that phase as well.

HELP!  It was the title of a 1965 Beatles song, album and film.  But why does it take so much courage for us to ask for?  Asking for help is often thought to be an admission of weakness or failure.  It can mean that you're not capable of taking care of whatever business lies before you. 

We come by such a notion honestly.  Early humans had to summon up the courage to go beyond their original borders solo. And Americans have a long heritage of taking on enemies alone.

Realistically, however, we really don't do anything by ourselves.  We're always the beneficiaries of the knowledge and experiences of those who went before us.  It's true for you and me, and it was true for my aunt, whose treatment benefited from other breast cancer patients before her.  Whether or not she wanted outside help, she got it anyway.

So why not put on our grown-up panties, summon our courage, and ask for help when we need it?  I can give you five great reasons to do so:

1.  Duh!  Our world is so too complicated to do everything alone. 

Important or insignificant,  

everyone needs a helping hand now and then.   

Get over it!

 

2.  We all have have a front line:  

someone (and sometimes lots of someones) who care about us.

  Asking for reinforcements takes some of the burden off them.

 

3.  Bad news: being helped makes us feel indebted.   

Good news: finding a way to repay that debt could make us grow in ways we hand't expected.

 

4.  Sometimes asking for help does more for the person you ask than for you.   

Perhaps they always wanted to feel needed and you were just the person they were waiting for.

 

5.  Whether you believe in the power of prayer

and/or the power of positive thinking,  

having lots of voices repeating the same thought can't hurt.

Bottom line, don't be afraid to dig up the courage to ask for help.  Whether you get what you expected is immaterial.  Realizing there are those around you who care is powerful medicine.