Last month, I had the opportunity to read a fascinating book titled Tribal Leadership by Dave Logan, John King and Halee Fischer-Wright. These authors identify that most work that gets done in an organization is by tribes. They define a tribe as 20-150 people that work together and know each other well enough to say hello, if they passed on a street. The members of these tribes often fall into one of five stages that are defined by the language they use and their self-concept.  

Stage one members can show despairing hostility towards others and believe that "life sucks."  These are often people that use drugs and resort to violence to get their way.

Stage two members believe they are apathetic victims and can see that other's lives are going well but "their life sucks."   Because this stage  represents 25% of today's organizational tribes, and is home to the chronic complainer, we will spend more time here in a moment.

Stage three members are lone warriors that believe "they are great"... but you are not. These members have risen to this level because they have an expertise that makes them successful but they are frustrated by your inability to "get it".

Stage four members have had an epiphany at stage three and realize that they can achieve better results if they have a noble cause greater than themselves and they value working with other people to reach that goal. Their mantra is "we are great."

Finally, Stage five members are not concerned so much with competition but want to work on a goal that will benefit all of mankind. Their theme is "life is great."

So, how do you work with someone who decides to stay in stage two and make your life at work miserable? Try these strategies:

• Decide if you need this person to be effective in your job, and if not, limit contact with them.

• If your work is interdependent and you must find a way to collaborate, try sharing with them how their negative comments and attitude detract from getting the work done.

 Use a statement like this:

"When you continually complain about our boss, work or co-workers, my energy is drained and I do not perform the best. Let's find a way to work on what is in our control instead of other's control."

Sometimes this direct approach will work but many times you may end up being the one that is now the target of complaints.

•  Another approach is to let your boss know that this co-worker is detracting you from getting your work done, and ask if you may be reassigned to a different work partner or wait to see if your boss tackles the issue with the complainer's boss.

• If you value this co-worker's abilities and you do not believe that your boss will do anything constructive about this situation, you may consider mentoring them. First you need to decide that the payoff is great enough and that you have a chance of success. Remember that is easy to be pulled into Stage two thinking when you work with a Stage two member.

 The authors of Tribal Leadership offer two powerful approaches to this situation:

• Help this person see their value to the project, department and organization as a whole. Stage two complainers only see themselves as victims without the power to change their situation. If they see they have value and power, they may be willing to become accountable.

•  Encourage a Stage two complainer to partner with a Stage three co-worker that they trust. If the Stage three co-worker can speak the Stage two language with the complainer for a while this builds up trust:

Having a co-worker that believes they are continually sabotaged by a boss, system or bad luck can be tiring and frustrating to work with. By trying the above techniques you may overcome this tough situation and possibly bring this chronic complainer to a whole new stage in life.