Is your child a great communicator? Are you? What do you do when you know something is bothering your child but they won't talk? Do you try to pressure it out of them, or just leave it alone and hope it passes? When it comes down to it, kids want to talk to parents about what is bothering them, but there seems to be a language barrier. We don't really speak the same language. Does this sound familiar?: "How was your day?" FINE. "Is there something wrong?" NO. Most of us realize from these terse exchanges that there really IS something wrong, but our kids just don't know how -- or aren't ready -- to communicate it. Let's consider how we handle a bad day. When you have a crummy day at work, or have had a falling out with a family member or friend, are you ready to talk about it immediately, or do you need time to process it? Remember, timing is everything. If your child has had something significant happen that day at school, maybe bombarding them with questions as soon as they get home or get in the car isn't the best time. They are not likely to elaborate right away. Allow them time to process it. So when IS the best time? Determine your child's "talk language", meaning the time they are most comfortable talking. Is it when they are in their own element (playing catch, shooting hoops or playing video games)? Or is it at a time you know they are most "chatty" -- maybe in the afternoon or at bedtime? No one knows your child better than you do. If you feel something is wrong, you are probably right. Here are some tips for easing your child into a conversation:
Find time to do something with them that they love to do. During that shared activity, bring up an incident in your own life that is affecting you, and ask them how they might handle it. By modeling communication you are teaching your child how to communicate.
Instead of asking the general question: "How was your day?", get specific. Try honing in on a particular subject that they love, like their favorite subject in school or a favorite sport or activity. Beginning the conversation with something "positive" will help jump start the communication.
Once you have determined your child's "talk language", try this conversation starter:
"I've noticed that something is bothering you. Would you like to talk about it now or later?" Give them the choice of when they would like to talk. Either way, they know you will listen when they are ready.
Keep the conversations ongoing. Let them know you are there for them no matter what. Once you understand your child's talk language, you may be surprised by the increase in conversations that come your way.
For more tips on conversation starters.
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