March 2012 IssueVol 4, Issue 8


I Did Not Know 

What To Say  




WELCOME EVERYONE! We are grateful that you have chosen to be a part of our online community.

Featured Article - Grieving the loss of a loved one can be a difficult process. When my mom passed away, I remember feeling overwhelmed by the magnitude of emotions going through me. The support of loved ones was greatly appreciated but there were times that my energy level was not up to interacting with others, no matter how thoughtful their intentions. Eighteen years later I am still grateful for the support I received from my family and friends, even if at the time I was not able to fully engage with them.


Our featured article this month, Reaching out to the bereaved and getting no response by Robbie Miller Kaplan, explores the reasons why someone may not respond when they are grieving and how to not take it personally.


Virtual Book Tour - Be sure to check out our Virtual Book Tour featuring interviews with authors that have written inspirational books on grief and the healing process.


Do you have an inspirational story you would like to share? We invite you to submit your inspirational stories, letters that have reached your heart, a favorite quote or poem, an unforgettable outing, or a book that touched your life. We would love to hear from you.


With Love and Gratitude,






Irish Blessing
May you see God's light on the path ahead
When the road you walk is dark.
May you always hear,
Even in your hour of sorrow,
The gentle singing of the lark.
When times are hard may hardness
Never turn your heart to stone.
May you always remember
When the shadows fall--
You do not walk alone.
In This Issue
Featured Article
Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts
Virtual Book Tour
About Us
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Featured Article

featuredReaching out to the bereaved and getting no response

 by Robbie Miller Kaplan


When bad things happen, it can be hard to know what to say or do. So it's not unusual that many of us struggle over what we'll say and how we'll say it. We might spend a great deal of time crafting written messages when communicating with those facing loss, carefully choosing the words to use and the method of delivery. Or we might compose verbal messages, hoping they will convey our heartfelt sympathy.


So what happens when you write appropriate messages or verbally share what you feel is a supportive and caring conversation only to have the recipient not respond? Do you assume that they feel as if you took no care at all or even worse, that you somehow did not understand their pain or loss?


As a rule of thumb, if the bereaved doesn't respond, don't take it personally. You can control what you say and what you do but you have no control over how it is received or how it is processed. Individuals dealing with grief and loss do so in their own time and in their own way. They might not have the energy or the ability to respond just now. And that's the way it should be. It's important to understand that everyone's grief is unique to them, taking into account their personal history and their life experience.


It might help to bear in mind why you reached out in the first place. Your true motives are known only to you but chances are, you were touched by the loss and wanted to extend some comfort. Your communication, either delivered in writing or conversation, did just that. And you should feel good knowing you acted on your good intentions.


So what can you do if you have reached out in what you feel is an appropriate way and it generates no response? If the relationship matters, continue to reach out. If you are a caring soul and you understand the pain in mourning a loss, continue to communicate and extend yourself by way of notes or calls. If calls feel burdensome, switch to email which is less intrusive. But stay the course. You'll be glad you did.

Robbie has traveled an interesting road to becoming a successful author. When she started writing career books, she had no idea she would eventually write about loss and grief. It's her personal experience and desire to make a difference in the lives of those grieving a loss that motivated her to write How to Say It When You Don't Know What to Say. Robbie writes from a unique perspective as a mother who has lost two children. It's Robbie's goal to help her readers communicate effectively when their loved ones, neighbors, colleagues, and community members face difficult times. Her book is now available in individual volumes for Illness & Death, Suicide, and Miscarriage and e-books on Death of a Child, Death of a Stillborn or Newborn Baby, Pet Loss, Caregiver Responsibilities, Divorce and Job Loss. All publications are available in Amazon's Kindle Store

Thoughtful Sympathy Gift Ideas

Sympathy Gifts 

gift basketForever Remembered by Healing Baskets


Forever Remembered Book. This book shows us that by living out our lives, with the memories of our loved ones sheltered safely in our hearts, we honor and cherish them best.

Remembering With Love Photo Frame. Made exclusively for us, this solid wood frame is painted in blue "Remembering With Love".

Eye Soothers. Soothing and Cooling Cucumber Pads for tired eyes. Each cucumber look a like slice is pre-moistened with pure cucumber juice and other rejuvenating natural extracts including Chamomile, Aloe-Vera and Green Tea.

Porcelain Cherish the Memories Heart Ornament. If you want to send an everlasting gift to someone facing loss - here is a beautiful porcelain heart carved with the words 'Cherish the Memories'.

Forever In Our Heart Plantable Seed Papers. A beautiful way to remember and give back to the earth. These beautiful heart shaped seed papers are handmade in the USA from 100% natural, biodegradable and recycled fibers, Forget Me Not seeds and plant material.

"Those we have held in our arms for a while, we hold in our hearts forever" 



Visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page for a wide variety of sympathy gift ideas for your loved ones.  We hope the thoughtful gifts listed on our website inspire you to give warmth and joy to your friends and family in their time of need. 

Virtual Book Tour & Interviews

We invite you to explore our Virtual Book Tour and Interviews with tips on how to assist a grieving loved one.

If you are an author or an expert in the grief recovery field and would like to be interviewed, please contact us at

To order these books and preview other inspirational books, be sure to visit our Helpful Books page.


About I Did Not Know What To & Lori Pederson
LoriLori Pederson created I Did Not Know What To Say in April 2009 as a platform to inspire and provide resources to people that wanted to help their friends and family through the grieving process. 
Lori's expertise comes from those experiences that only life can provide.  Over the past twenty years, Lori has lost many family members, including her mother to ovarian cancer, as well as many friends, colleagues and pets.  She is no stranger to loss and the grieving process.
Throughout her life she has been blessed with many friends and relatives that were there for her as she experienced these great losses. She understands that although people want to help, they often don't know where to start.  I Did Not Know What To was created out of Lori's desire to assist people find the words when they don't know what to say or do.
You can learn more about Lori and her organization by visiting, reading her personal Blog or contacting her at:
Lori Pederson

Each week we will be adding new inspirational stories and resources to our website and Blog.  Help us reach our goal of providing inspiration and insight to the world by sharing your story or resource with our online community.  We would love to hear from you! 
Share Your Story. Please email us your inspirational stories, letters/cards that have reached your heart, a favorite quote, an unforgettable adventure, a thoughtful gift idea, a book that touched your life, or a suggestion for our website or newsletter to 

If you are an author or expert in the field of grief recovery, we would love to interview you for our Blog and/or one of our upcoming newsletters.

If you have a website, Blog or newsletter, we ask that you consider including our information on your site.  Here is the link:   

I Did Not Know What To Say is a website created to inspire and provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.

With Love & Gratitude,


Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say

Copyright 2012' I Did Not Know What To Say(TM) Newsletter.  All Rights Reserved.