MAY 2011 IssueVol 2, Issue 11


I Did Not Know 

What To Say  



WELCOME EVERYONE!  Our online community is growing and we are honored to have you be a part of the journey. 


Featured Article... What Will You Choose?  When someone in our life is experiencing a loss, we as friends have a choice to make...How will we show-up for our friend?   At times we may be an attentive friend and at other times life may impede us from being as helpful as we had hoped.  This month we will explore some of the common ways people respond to a grieving loved one and what to consider when choosing your path. 


Memorial Day...We are deeply grateful for the sacrifices our military service men and women have made for our country.   We invite you to join us on Monday, May 30th at 3pm as we observe a moment of silence in honor of our fallen solders. Please see details below.


Do you have a story you would like to share?  We invite you to submit your inspirational stories, letters that have reached your heart, a favorite quote or poem, an unforgettable outing, or a book that touched your life.  We would love to hear from you. 


Each month our newsletter will feature a new article giving you a different perspective on how to assist your friends and family through the grieving process. Please feel free to pass our newsletter on to anyone that may benefit from our articles and inspirational messages.

With Love & Gratitude,





If instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the
gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend, that
would be giving as the angels give.
George Macdonald




In This Issue
Featured Article
Monthly Inspiration
Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts
Discussion Topics
About Us
Quick Links

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Featured Article of the Month

articleWhat Will You Choose?


You just received a phone call letting you know that your friend has lost a loved one.  You now have a decision to make...What kind of supporter do you want to be?


There are many ways to support a loved one after a loss.  As a friend you have the right to choose the most appropriate path for you in the moment.  There are times that you may choose to be the best supporter you can be, and other times you may shy away from the responsibility due to personal circumstances or your own emotional pain. 


Here are a few common ways people respond when they are called upon to support a grieving loved one:


1.      The Listener - The person that allows you to talk about your feelings without telling you how you should feel.

2.      The Doer - The person that jumps right in and takes care of everyday tasks.  They bring you groceries, pick up your kids from school, they make sure people are notified about funeral arrangements and generally take care of those daily tasks that you are not up to doing.

3.      The Cheerleader - The person that lifts your spirits when you can barely get out of bed.  They are there to get you out of the house and will take you on an adventure to brighten your day.

4.      The Brief Encounter - The person that comes to the funeral, sends you a card or flowers, but generally believes that grief ends at the funeral and there is not much more that they can do for you.  Their support is brief but sincere.

5.      The No Show - The person that is not able to be supportive for their own personal reason.  They may be uncomfortable with talking about death and loss or there may be life circumstances that make them unavailable.


As you travel through the grief recovery journey with a friend, you may find that you are all of these types of supporters and a whole lot more.   Grief is not a linear process; it has many peaks and valleys.  As your grieving friend's needs change, so to will the type of support they need.


When choosing how you will support a grieving loved one, consider the following:


  • Lead with your strength. We all have our strengths that come out when a difficult situation arises. If you are a great listener, be a great listener.  If you are a doer, help your friend with daily tasks.  
  • Stretch yourself a little to learn more about yourself and how you feel about grief and death.  You may find a blessing for yourself hidden inside the journey.
  • Know your limits.  We all have our limitations and we can't be all things to all people.  Do the best you can in the moment. 
  • Ask for help if you are over your head.  A grieving friend may require more assistance than a lay person can handle.  Don't be afraid to ask for help from your local grief support group or a grief counselor.

After losing many friends and family over the years, the one thing I have learned is that the right people show up at the right time. Often it is not the person we thought it would be. I have to admit that it took me awhile to forgive those friends that were not there for me after my mother passed away.  But I have come to realize that it is more important to be grateful for those that were there and understand that those that were not had their reasons. 


The choice is yours...what will you choose?


2011 Lori Pederson
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Lori Pederson, Founder of I Did Not Know What to Say, a website created to inspire and to provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process. If you would like our free newsletter on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one, please visit our website at

This Month's Inspiration

Inspiration Memorial Day

Remember a Vet Today

Remember a Vet Today


In observance of Memorial Day, we honor the memory of the men and women that have given their lives in service to protect our country.  We are deeply grateful for the sacrifice that our military personnel and their families have made for our country. 

To help re-educate and remind Americans of the true meaning of Memorial Day, the "National Moment of Remembrance" resolution was passed on Dec 2000 which asks that at 3 p.m. local time, for all Americans "To voluntarily and informally observe in their own way a Moment of remembrance and respect, pausing from whatever they are doing for a moment of silence or listening to 'Taps."  


We invite you to join us in a Moment of Remembrance on Monday, May 30, 2011 at 3:00 p.m. 

For a beautiful rendition of Taps, we have found this piece on YouTube -
Taps Buglers at Arlington National Cemetery

Honor a Vet as part of the "I Remembered a Vet" Today campaign on


Although no sculptured marble should rise to their memory, nor engraved stone bear record of their deeds, yet will their remembrance be as lasting as the land they honored.  ~Daniel Webster

Thoughtful Sympathy Gift Ideas

flag case

Military - Veteran Memorial Gifts

Comfort Company - The flag case chosen by the United States Military for the families of our fallen heroes serving in the Armed Forces. This solid Walnut flag case with an Heirloom Walnut Finish includes a service specific medallion (Great Seal of the United States, Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard).

Our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page offers a wide variety of sympathy gift ideas for your loved ones.  We hope the thoughtful gifts listed on our website inspire you to give warmth and joy to your friends and family in their time of need.


If you are an author or an expert in the grief recovery field and would like to be interviewed, please contact us at

To order these books and preview other inspirational books, be sure to visit our Helpful Books page.


Discussion Topics

We invite you to join our on-going discussions on our Facebook page.  Not on Facebook?  We have also posted our discussion topics on our Blog.  Current topics include: 
About I Did Not Know What To & Lori Pederson
LoriLori Pederson created I Did Not Know What To Say in April 2009 as a platform to inspire and provide resources to people that wanted to help their friends and family through the grieving process. 
Lori's expertise comes from those experiences that only life can provide.  Over the past twenty years, Lori has lost many family members, including her mother to ovarian cancer, as well as many friends, colleagues and pets.  She is no stranger to loss and the grieving process.
Throughout her life she has been blessed with many friends and relatives that were there for her as she experienced these great losses. She understands that although people want to help, they often don't know where to start.  I Did Not Know What To was created out of Lori's desire to assist people find the words when they don't know what to say or do.
You can learn more about Lori and her organization by visiting, reading her personal Blog or contacting her at:
Lori Pederson
Each week we will be adding new inspirational stories and resources to our website and Blog.  Help us reach our goal of providing inspiration and insight to the world by sharing your story or resource with our online community.  We would love to hear from you! 
Share Your Story. Please email us your inspirational stories, letters/cards that have reached your heart, a favorite quote, an unforgettable adventure, a thoughtful gift idea, a book that touched your life, or a suggestion for our website or newsletter to

If you are an author or expert in the field of grief recovery, we would love to interview you for our Blog and/or one of our upcoming newsletters.
If you have a website, Blog or newsletter, we ask that you consider including our information on your site.  Here is the link:
I Did Not Know What To Say is a website created to inspire and provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.
With Love & Gratitude,
Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say

Copyright 2011' I Did Not Know What To Say(TM) Newsletter.  All Rights Reserved.