FEBRUARY 2011 IssueVol 2, Issue 8


I Did Not Know 

What To Say  




WELCOME EVERYONE!  Our online community is growing and we are honored to have you be a part of the journey.

Featured Article... HAVE A "SINGLE-Y SENSATIONAL" VALENTINE'S DAY by Carole Brody Fleet, author of Widows Wear Stilettos.  Carol offers several fun filled suggestions on how to get through - and even enjoy Valentine's Day when you are a widow or on your own.

Live on our Blog...
 Be sure to check-out our Virtual Book Tour featuring authors that have written inspirational books on grief and the healing process.  Upcoming Interviews: February 22 - Cynthia Siegfried, author of Cancer Journey: A Caregiver's View from the Passenger Seat and March 5 - Marci Shimoff, author of Love for No Reason.

If you missed one of our newsletters, be sure to check out our I Did Not Know What To Say Newsletter Archive.


Do you have a story you would like to share?  We invite you to submit your inspirational stories, letters that have reached your heart, a favorite quote or poem, an unforgettable outing, or a book that touched your life.  We would love to hear from you. 


Each month our newsletter will feature a new article giving you a different perspective on how to assist your friends and family through the grieving process. Please feel free to pass our newsletter on to anyone that may benefit from our articles and inspirational messages.

With Love & Gratitude,



When one has once fully entered the realm of love, the world-no matter how imperfect-becomes rich and beautiful; it consists solely of opportunities for love.
-SØren Kierkegaard, nineteenth-century philosopher

In This Issue
Featured Article
Monthly Inspiration
Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts
Discussion Topics
About Us
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Featured Article of the Month


by Carole Brody Fleet


It seems like no sooner do we finish putting away turkey leftovers and gift-wrap and have managed to get the last of the pine needles vacuumed out of our carpeting orWidows Wear Stilettos the candle wax cleaned out of the menorahs, that Valentine's Day is upon us -  and a quick glance around just about any store is proof of that.  We're surrounded by The Day of Hearts and Flowers (usually starting on December 26th) ...and it is everywhere - in grocery stores, in the lingerie department of your favorite store...there are even Valentine decorations and gift suggestions at home improvement stores (although I never thought in terms of a power saw as a Valentine's gift...but that's just me).


But what happens when you don't happen to be "coupled off"?  How do you get through - and even enjoy Valentine's Day when you are on your own?  How do you feel "single and sensational" rather than "single and sulking" on a day that celebrates couples in love?  Following are a few great suggestions for enjoying Valentine's Day (with or without other people involved) that are low or no-cost, low-fuss and most importantly...lots of fun:


·         Invite a few friends over for a potluck dinner or a Decadent Dessert gathering at your home.  Decorate for the occasion and include festive drinks, such as champagne with a splash of Chambord (raspberry liqueur), Cosmopolitans, Shirley Temples with lots of maraschino cherries or hot chocolate with pink marshmallows.  Include touches like large crystal brandy snifters filled with red licorice whips, bowls of Hershey's kisses and of course, candy message hearts. Send everyone home with a heart-shaped key-chain, a small heart-shaped picture frame or a few foil-wrapped chocolate hearts in a cellophane bag tied with ribbon as a memento of the evening.


·         Slumber parties aren't just for kids.  Have an old-fashioned slumber party - get into your flannel "jammies" and take turns experimenting with make-up or taking quizzes in women's magazines.  Give one another facials (you can get quality facial products at the drugstore without spending a ton of money).  Take ridiculous pictures and make one another promise never to show them to anyone else.  Your "Girls Night In" might also feature a couple of romantic-comedy DVD's (Love Actually, Pretty Woman, The Holiday, Shirley Valentine and of course -Valentine's Day... are all great movie suggestions) and be sure to remember the popcorn, soda and chocolate goodies.  Guests don't have to stay the night, you can have "half" a slumber party and say bid your guests good night with chocolate chip cookies and shot glasses filled with cold milk.  If you do choose to have guests stay overnight, offer flavored coffees in red or pink mugs (available at dollar stores) and a selection of pastries for the morning.


·         Go someplace that is not a typical "couples" place on Valentine's Day and enjoy yourselves.  For example, bowling parties are huge fun, inexpensive and it's impossible to be gloomy wearing hilarious bowling shoes. 


·         Treat yourself!  You deserve to be pampered and treated like the awesome woman that you are and if this means that for the time being, you have to do it yourself - then do it yourself! 


o        Visit a department store cosmetic counter or have an at-home beauty consultant come in and try a makeover - something completely different, just for fun - and you can generally do this absolutely free of charge. 


o        Book a mini-massage or a single spa treatment of some kind...these also need not be expensive.  You don't have to go to the Spa Du Jour for an all-day extravaganza (which can be expensive) - do a little research online or with the Yellow Pages...better still, consult with your girlfriends and see if they have any recommendations.


o        When was the last time you took an actual bubble bath instead of just ten minutes in the shower before dashing off to work or to run the kids?  Pour yourself a cool glass of your favorite beverage or cocktail; light an aromatherapy candle, add some bath salts and jump in.  No interruptions allowed.


·         How about enjoying a meal that doesn't involve the microwave or a drive-thru? Prepare a wonderful candlelit dinner for you.  Pull out all of the stops - steak, champagne and a fabulous dessert - because as the commercials have so long told us...we're worth it! If you really feel that you need to get out of the house - GO!  There's no law that says you can't get all dressed up and take yourself out to Valentine's Dinner.  Admittedly, you may be surrounded by couples...but who cares? Besides, you will be waiting on and fussed over in ways you probably haven't experienced.  Pick a favorite restaurant or a restaurant that you have always wanted to try and go enjoy yourself.


·         We always feel better when we are in service to others.  All of the shelters and soup kitchens have lots of volunteers and help during Thanksgiving and Christmas...but what about right now?  These places still serve people in need and people in need are a year-round reality.  Why not take a platter or two of Valentine's cookies or brownies down to a shelter, a soup kitchen or to the children's wing of a hospital (with prior permission of course).  Visit elderly folks residing in a convalescent or assisted care facility.  Valentine's Day is all about love and that can also include love for our fellow man.


Lastly - don't be "afraid" of the day. Instead of fear, pain or grief, why not take the time to instead reflect upon and celebrate what you do have in your life. 


About Carole Brody Fleet
Carole Brody Fleet is the award-winning author of the critically-acclaimed, "Widows Wear Stilettos: A Practical and Emotional Guide for the Young Widow"  (New Horizon Press) and the forthcoming, "I'm 'Heeling' One Day at a Time: The ULTIMATE, One-and-Only Question, Answer and Reference Guide to Life After Widowhood" as well as the author and executive producer of the best-selling CD entitled, "Widows Wear Stilettos: What Now?". Recipient of the Embrace Life Award from State Farm Insurance Companies and the Board of Directors Outstanding Service Award from the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation, Carole has been featured on national, regional and local television and regularly appears as a guest expert on numerous radio programs nationally and internationally; as well as in national and international magazines, newspapers and websites.  To learn more about Widows Wear Stilettos, visit www.widowswearstilettos.com. 


This Month's Inspiration


Wishing you all a very Happy Valentine's Day! 


Sooner or later we begin to understand that love is more than verses on valentines and romance in the movies. We begin to know that love is here and now, real and true, the most important thing in our lives. For love is the creator of our favorite memories and the foundation of our fondest dreams. Love is a promise that is always kept, a fortune that can never be spent, a seed that can flourish in even the most unlikely of places. And this radiance that never fades, this mysterious and magical joy, is the greatest treasure of all - one known only by those who love....Unknown


Valentine's Day is not just for couples.  Today is a great day to tell your family and friends how much you LOVE them.


Thoughtful Sympathy Gift Ideas

FlowerpetalVisit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page for more sympathy gift ideas for your loved ones.  We hope the thoughtful gifts listed on our website inspire you to give warmth and joy to your friends and family in their time of need.

Posted on January 22, 2011 - Interview with Pat Nowak - Author of the ABC's of Widowhood

Posted on January 15, 2011 - Interview with Catherine Greenleaf - Healing The Hurt Spirit: Daily Affirmations for People Who Have Lost a Loved One to Suicide

Posted on December 29, 2010 -Interview with Ellen Gerst - Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story

Posted on October 26, 2010 - Interview with Carole Brody Fleet - Widows Wear Stilettos

Posted on June 28, 2010 - Interview with Lori A. Moore - Author Missing Andy

Poster on December 10, 2009 - Interview with Sally Wagner, Organized Peace - Professional Organizer

Posted on December 1, 2009- Interview with Author, Marcy Kelly - From Sorrow to Dancing

Posted on November 8, 2009 - Interview with Author, Jean Reagan - Always My Brother

Poster on September 21, 2009 - Interview with Mike Murphy - The Importance of Having a Will

If you are an author or an expert in the grief recovery field and would like to be interviewed, please contact us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

To order these books and preview other inspirational books, be sure to visit our Helpful Books page.


Discussion Topics

We invite you to join our on-going discussions on our Facebook page.  Not on Facebook?  We have also posted our discussion topics on our Blog.  Current topics include: 
About I Did Not Know What To Say.com & Lori Pederson
LoriLori Pederson created I Did Not Know What To Say in April 2009 as a platform to inspire and provide resources to people that wanted to help their friends and family through the grieving process. 
Lori's expertise comes from those experiences that only life can provide.  Over the past twenty years, Lori has lost many family members, including her mother to ovarian cancer, as well as many friends, colleagues and pets.  She is no stranger to loss and the grieving process.
Throughout her life she has been blessed with many friends and relatives that were there for her as she experienced these great losses. She understands that although people want to help, they often don't know where to start.  I Did Not Know What To Say.com was created out of Lori's desire to assist people find the words when they don't know what to say or do.
You can learn more about Lori and her organization by visiting www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com, reading her personal Blog or contacting her at:
Lori Pederson
Each week we will be adding new inspirational stories and resources to our website and Blog.   Help us reach our goal of providing inspiration and insight to the world by sharing your story or resource with our online community.  We would love to hear from you! 

Share Your Story. Please email us your inspirational stories, letters/cards that have reached your heart, a favorite quote, an unforgettable adventure, a thoughtful gift idea, a book that touched your life, or a suggestion for our website or newsletter to info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

If you are an author or expert in the field of grief recovery, we would love to interview you for our Blog and/or one of our upcoming newsletters.

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I Did Not Know What To Say
IDidNotKnowWhatToSay.com is a website designed to inspire and provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.
With Love & Gratitude,
Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say

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