October 2010 IssueVol 2, Issue 4


I Did Not Know 

What To Say  



WELCOME EVERYONE!  Our online community is growing and we are honored to have you be a part of the journey.

Featured Article...
This month we will explore how writing can assist your loved one heal.  Joan Hitchens' from Storybooks for Healing shows through her article On Writing: Your Stories Can Heal Your Heart, how writing about a loved one can be an effective tool for those grieving to process their feelings and help them restore balance in their life.

A Little Inspiration... I recently came across the movie Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, a delightful children's movie full of wonder and magic.  I was so touched by how they handled the topic of death, that I felt compelled to share a piece of the movie with all of you as part of our Monthly Inspiration. 


Live on our Blog... Be sure to check-out our Virtual Book Tour featuring authors that have written inspirational books on grief and the healing process.  We have just posted our interview with Carole Brody Fleet, author of "Widows Wear Stilettos: A Practical and Emotional Guide for the Young Widow". 


Do you have a story you would like to share?  We invite you to submit your inspirational stories, letters that have reached your heart, a favorite quote or poem, an unforgettable outing, or a book that touched your life.  We would love to hear from you.

Each month our newsletter will feature a new article giving you a different perspective on how to assist your friends and family through the grieving process. Please feel free to pass our newsletter on to anyone that may benefit from our articles and inspirational messages.

With Love & Gratitude,


 "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


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Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts
Events & Interviews
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HelpingFeatured Article of the Month

On Writing: Your Stories Can Heal Your Heart

Parent, child, sibling, spouse, partner or pet: Your life has changed since he or she died. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, morning coffee, daily walk, driving by familiar places: Your response to routine has changed. Will it never end? The pain and reminders of your loss are everywhere and can go on for years.

We don't forget, nor should we. In fact, acknowledging our loss and remembering is far more effective than burying our feelings with our loved one. Keeping this person or pet alive in a readable format allows you to visit anytime and remain close. Writing stories heals your heart paragraph by paragraph.

In the immediate days after a loss, family and friends gather and talk and perhaps even revel in the antics and personality of your loved one. Your pain was deep at this time and you may not even have understood how anyone could be telling stories, much less laughing. You were probably in a state of shock even if the death followed an illness; you could not absorb all that was happening around you. Now, though, you wish youJoan could go back and hear those stories and remember what others said. You read the cards that were sent, and especially the ones that included a personal remembrance about your loved one. You take comfort in the written story. You feel better that someone else cared.

Telling and sharing stories is good, but writing them is better. Writing provides permanence and safekeeping of precious memories. Writing helps you reflect on important moments. Writing ensures a safe distance for difficult subjects. Writing opens conversations with a purpose. Writing measures time passing and distance in your journey without forgetting.

Getting started on your stories about you loved one or about your grief journey takes desire and a little organization. Most of all, decide on a goal for your writing. By creating a definable task you will get the most of the process and lasting results. Recognize that writing solely for yourself and writing for an audience require different steps, and both are healing.

Here are some ideas to consider:

·         Keep a journal. If you are already disciplined in writing, free writing for a few minutes regularly is very liberating. Consider rewriting and publishing special memories in a card or storybook for sharing with family and friends.

·         Start a notebook of questions and answers. Pose a question to yourself at each writing session, even if "how am I feeling today?" Or "Why can't I remember..." Then answer it. If many questions pop into your head just write it out on top of a new page for answering later.

·         Think creatively. Draw (even use crayons!) your mood and describe it. Look around you, take a photo and write a memory, especially for those familiar activities you shared with your loved one. Each season brings about new memories, especially the first year after your loss.

·         Choose 10 to 20 photos and write a caption for each.
Publish. Send. Frame. Enjoy.

·         Utilize Social Media. Facebook, blogs and other online networks can be an outlet for what you've learned, helping others, acknowledging your loss, and sharing stories. You need not be alone as you are an expert in your grief.

·         Interview friends and family for specific stories. Ask. You'll be surprised by the answers. Record on tape then transcribe for your stories.

·         Already written your story? Publish a Storybook for Healing - a beautiful, custom hardcover photo storybook you can make online easily.

·         Be proactive. Publish a SFH Journey Card of photos and short story to send to family and friends on important dates - birthday, anniversary. Don't wait for others to bring up the subject. They might not know how.

·         Seek out a bereavement writing group for additional support. Storybooks For Healing offers an eight week writing program specifically for overcoming grief and preserving the important stories of your loved one in a safe and

Write to remember. Your loved one does matter. This person is part of you and who you've become and what you are to be. Embrace the memories as you adjust to this change in your life.

Storybooks for Healing© 2010. Reprinted with permission. Storybooks for Healing (SFH) is a program of remembrance for overcoming loss using Grief Reflection. SFH is offered by bereavement organizations in an eight (8) week group writing and discussion course. After the program, participants are prepared to publish a beautiful tribute Storybook for Healing of their loved one. Anyone wishing to publish is welcome to use www.MyStorybookPublisher.com and join the SFH www.Facebook.com/StorybooksForHealing  community to share, teach and provide support to others in their grief journey.


This Month's Inspiration

inspirationLife Lessons about Dying from Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

I recently came across the movie Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, a delightful children's movie full of wonder and magic.   I was drawn in by the elegant way they handled the topic of death.  The dialogue between the two characters as they discussed the impending death of Mr. Magorium was insightful and inspirational.  I was so touched by their interaction that I thought I would share their exchange with you.  If you have not seen this movie, I would highly recommend that you take a moment to sit back and enjoy.  And remember... "Your life is an occasion. Rise to it."

From Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium:

Mr. Edward Magorium: [to Molly, about dying] When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words.

Mr. Edward Magorium: I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin.   And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."

Molly Mahoney: [starting to sob] I love you.

Mr. Edward Magorium: I love you, too.

Mr. Edward Magorium

Your life is an occasion. Rise to it. 

Thoughtful Sympathy Gift Ideas
Spiritual Cinema Circle

Visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page for sympathy gifts ideas for your loved ones. 
We hope the thoughtful gifts listed on our website inspire you to give warmth and joy to your friends and family in their time of need.
Visit our website for special discounts from our Thoughtful Sympathy Gift vendors.

Virtual Interviews 
Posted on October 26, 2010 - Author, Carole Brody Fleet - Widows Wear Stilettos: A Practical and Emotional Guide for the Young Widow

Posted on June 28, 2010 - Author, Lori A. Moore - Missing Andy

Posted on December 10, 2009 - 
Sally Wagner, Organized Peace - Professional Organizer  
Posted on December 1, 2009 - Author, Marcy Kelly - From Sorrow to Dancing
Posted on November 8, 2009 - Author, Jean Reagan
- Always My Brother  
If you are an author or an expert in the grief recovery field and would like to be interviewed, please contact us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

To order these books and preview other inspirational books, be sure to visit our Helpful Books page.
Discussion Topics

We invite you to join our on-going discussions on our Facebook page.  Not on Facebook?  We have also posted our discussion topics on our Blog.  Current topics include: 
About I Did Not Know What To Say.com & Lori Pederson
LoriLori Pederson created I Did Not Know What To Say in April 2009 as a platform to inspire and provide resources to people that wanted to help their friends and family through the grieving process. 
Lori's expertise comes from those experiences that only life can provide.  Over the past twenty years, Lori has lost many family members, including her mother to ovarian cancer, as well as many friends, colleagues and pets.  She is no stranger to loss and the grieving process.
Throughout her life she has been blessed with many friends and relatives that were there for her as she experienced these great losses. She understands that although people want to help, they often don't know where to start.  I Did Not Know What To Say.com was created out of Lori's desire to assist people find the words when they don't know what to say or do.
You can learn more about Lori and her organization by visiting www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com, reading her personal Blog or contacting her at:
Lori Pederson
Each week we will be adding new inspirational stories and resources to our website and Blog.   Help us reach our goal of providing inspiration and insight to the world by sharing your story or resource with our online community.  We would love to hear from you! 

Share Your Story. Please email us your inspirational stories, letters/cards that have reached your heart, a favorite quote, an unforgettable adventure, a thoughtful gift idea, a book that touched your life, or a suggestion for our website or newsletter to info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

If you are an author or expert in the field of grief recovery, we would love to interview you for our Blog and/or one of our upcoming newsletters.

If you have a website, Blog or newsletter, we ask that you consider including our information on your site.  Here is the link:
I Did Not Know What To Say
IDidNotKnowWhatToSay.com is a website designed to inspire and provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.
With Love & Gratitude,
Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say

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