A Hug to Remember

The summer of 1993 was an incredibly difficult time in my life.  My mother lost her battle with ovarian cancer and passed away on July 18^th.  A few weeks later my aunt was killed in a tragic car accident on August 3^rd.  After a long month of planning funerals and traveling across country, I returned home to receive a phone call from the secretary of one of my mentors asking that I call Pat at the hospital to say goodbye.  Pat was terminally ill with ovarian cancer and only had a few days to live.

After I spoke to Pat for the last time, I had to go to a meeting with one of my students.  In 1993, I was the Assistant Director of Campus Activities at The George Washington University and worked extensively with students as their advisor.  As you can imagine, I was not in the best frame of mind that day.  The student I attended the meeting with enjoyed her ability to get under the skin of administrators and that day was no exception.  Erika decided to be extremely difficult throughout the meeting and everyone left feeling frustrated.

Well to say that I lost it after the meeting would be an understatement.  The minute we left the building I started yelling at Erika.  For the next five blocks I could not stop yelling at her.  I had completely lost my ability to control my temper and act in a professional manner.  It was NOT my finest hour.

What happened next was a pure GIFT.  Instead of becoming defensive or even more difficult, Erika looked at me and just gave me a HUG.  Some part of her realized that my grief had taken over and I was not able to control my emotions at that moment.  It was a truly amazing experience.  Her compassion melted the anger inside of me and helped me regain my inner balance.

Grief can be a roller coaster of emotions that at times can be raw and unpredictable.  At those times when your loved one is "losing it", one of the most incredible things you can do for them is to show compassion by giving them a hug or allowing them to vent instead of taking a defensive posture.  It is important to remember that their anger is not about you, it is about the deep feelings of loss they are experiencing.  How you react can assist them in restoring their balance.

I have never forgotten that day; it is etched in my mind as one of the most difficult days in my life that ended with a HUG that was unexpected and full of compassion.

What's In Your Tool Box? 

 

Last week I came across Beliefnet's gallery piece on How to Start a Self Esteem Folder, which reminded me of my old Inspirational Tool Box.  Many years ago I created a box filled with quotes, affirmations, funny cartoons, inspirational emails and letters from friends, family and my mentors, and a list of movies, books and songs that have inspired me through the tough times.  

 

I realized it had been awhile since I used my Inspirational Tool Box, so today I dusted off the cover and took a look inside.  I found many thoughtful pieces including the lyrics to the song Love Changes Everything by Andrew Lloyd Weber.  This beautiful song reminds us that love really is the answer.  Hear it now on YouTube.

What's in your Inspirational Tool Box? 
We invite you to share what inspires you and brings you joy.  Visit our Blog to post your Inspirational Tool Box suggestions.

• What is your favorite inspirational quote?
• What is your favorite inspirational gift?
• What NOT to say to someone that has lost a loved one.
• What is your favorite inspirational prayer for someone that has lost a loved one?
• Express your Gratitude for someone that was instrumental in assisting you through the grieving process.
• Do you feel it is acceptable to send sympathy messages on Facebook, Twitter or by email?