April 2010 IssueVol 1, Issue 10


I Did Not Know 

What To Say  



WELCOME EVERYONE!  Our online community is growing and we are honored to have you be a part of the journey.


We would like to thank Ann Leach, Founder of Life Preservers for letting us know about the PBS special When Families Grieve.  Katie Couric and the Sesame Street Muppets discussed how to help families cope with the death of a parent. If you missed this very touching program, you can view portions of the program on the Sesame Street website.


As we look to celebrate Mother's Day in a few weeks, we are reminded that Mother's Day can be a difficult time for those that have lost a child, have had a miscarriage or have lost their mother.  I know from my own experience, Mother's Day is filled with mixed emotions of celebration and sadness from the loss of my mother and from my miscarriage a few years ago. 


This month I am pleased to share with you an article from The Comfort Company that touches on the many ways we can assist our loved ones during the Mother's Day holiday. What Grieving Moms Want for Mother's Day is a compilation of over 200 survey responses on how you can help the grieving moms in your life cope with Mother's Day. 


Do you have a special tradition or celebration that honors your mom's memory on Mother's Day?  We would love to be able to share your story with our readers next month.  Please email your story to us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.


Each month our newsletter will feature a new article giving you a different perspective on how to assist your friends and family through the grieving process. Please feel free to pass our newsletter on to anyone that may benefit from our articles and inspirational messages.
Have a suggestion or a story you would like to share? We would love to hear from you.

With Love & Gratitude,

"My mom is a never ending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being.  I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune."
~Graycie Harmon
In This Issue
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Discussion Topics
Thoughtful Gift Ideas
Events & Interviews
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Featured Article of the Month

What Grieving Moms Want for Mother's Day:

The Comfort Company Offers 10 Simple Ways to help Moms Cope When Mother's Day Hurts


Acknowledgement is what grieving mother's want most for Mother's Day, suggests a survey by www.thecomfortcompany.net, a website that specializes in meaningful sympathy gifts. The online survey asked "What can others do to ease your pain on Mother's Day". Over 80 percent of the 200 respondents answered, "Recognize that I am a mother". 


"While Mother's Day is generally considered to be a day of celebration, for many women it is a day of pain and loss" says Renee Wood, former social worker and founder of The Comfort Company. "It's important to remember those moms who have had a failed pregnancy or who have lost a child at any age."


In response to the survey results, thecomfortcompany.net has issued a list of ten simple ways to reach out to a grieving mother on

this difficult holiday.


1. Recognize that they are a mother: Offer a hug and a "Happy Mother's Day". Send a card to let them know you remember they are a mother even though their child is not with them physically.


2. Acknowledge they have had a loss: Express the message, "I know this might be a difficult day for you. I want you to know that I am thinking about you."


3. Use their child's name in conversation: One mother responded, "People rarely speak his name anymore, but when they do it's like music to my ears".


4. Plant a living memorial: A tree or rose bush, like memories, will grow in beauty as the years pass.


5. Visit the grave site: Many mothers felt that it was "extremely thoughtful" when others visited their child's grave site and left flowers or a small pebble near the headstone.


6. Light a candle: Let the mother know you will light a candle in memory of their child on Mother's Day.


7. Share a memory or pictures of the child: Give the gift of a memory. One mother wrote that the "greatest gift you can give is a heart felt letter about my child and a favorite memory with them".


8. Send a gift of remembrance: Many mothers felt a small gift would be comforting. Suggestions included: an angel statue, jewelry, a picture frame, a library book or toy donation in the child's name or anything personalized.


9. Don't try to minimize the loss: Avoid using any clichés that attempt to explain the death of a child. ("God needed another angel.") Secondly, don't try to find anything positive about the loss ("You still have two healthy children").


10. Encourage Self-Care: Self-care is an important aspect of the "healing the mind and spirit effort" according to several mothers. Encourage a grieving mother to take care of herself. Give her a gift certificate to a day spa or any place where she can be pampered.


©2007 The Comfort Company. All Rights Reserved.  May be reprinted with permission and credit to: www.thecomfortcompany.net

This Month's Inspiration - Project Cuddle®

I recently came across an article about Project Cuddle® that really touched my heart.  Every time I hear a news report about a baby being abandoned in a dumpster it makes me incredibly sad.  I have often wondered why such a horrific act was being ignored.  As I was going through Twitter the other day, I found this amazing article about Project Cuddle® and the wonderful work they are doing to help these mother's find an alternative to abandoning their children.  I was so touched by this article that I felt compelled to share their story and mission with you.


From the Project Cuddle® website:


Project Cuddle® is the result of one woman's crusade to help prevent infants from being abandoned. Debbe Magnusen fostered over 30 drug-exposed babies, while raising two biological children. Eventually five of those beautiful little ones were adopted and became part of the Magnusen Family.

Project Cuddle® crisis line was actually formed from the living room of Debbe's home, with the hope of ending baby abandonment. Within 12 hours of opening the 24 hour crisis-line, Project Cuddle® got its first crisis call.

Tragically, babies are being abandoned across the nation on a daily basis. Since its inception, Project Cuddle® has saved over 600 babies across the country and into Canada from the fate of being abandoned, or worse.  John Stamos is the National Spokesperson for the organization. With John's help, the charity has been able to create a school video to educate students on the importance of calling for help instead of abandoning your baby.


For more information about the important work Project Cuddle® is doing, visit their website at www.projectcuddle.org.

Discussion Topics
We invite you to join our on-going discussions on our Facebook page.  Not on Facebook?  We have also posted our discussion topics on our Blog.  Current topics include:
What is your favorite inspirational quote?

What is your favorite inspirational gift?

What NOT to say to someone that has lost a loved one.

What is your favorite inspirational prayer for someone that has lost a loved one?

Express your Gratitude for someone that was instrumental in assisting you through the grieving process.

Do you feel it is acceptable to send sympathy messages on Facebook, Twitter or by email?

What helped you most in your time of need?

Thoughtful Sympathy Gift Ideas
Visit our Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts page for sympathy gifts ideas for your loved ones. 
We hope the thoughtful gifts listed on our website inspire you to give warmth and joy to your friends and family in their time of need.
Visit our website for special discounts from our Thoughtful Sympathy Gift vendors.
Events & Interviews
Viritual Interviews 
Posted on November 8, 2009
- Author, Jean Reagan - Always My Brother
Posted on December 1, 2009 - Author, Marcy Kelly - From Sorrow to Dancing
If you are an author or an expert in the grief recovery field and would like to be interviewed, please contact us at info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.

To order these books and preview other inspirational books, be sure to visit our Helpful Books page.
About I Did Not Know What To Say.com & Lori Pederson
LoriLori Pederson created I Did Not Know What To Say in April 2009 as a platform to inspire and provide resources to people that wanted to help their friends and family through the grieving process. 
Lori's expertise comes from those experiences that only life can provide.  Over the past twenty years, Lori has lost many family members, including her mother to ovarian cancer, as well as many friends, colleagues and pets.  She is no stranger to loss and the grieving process.
Throughout her life she has been blessed with many friends and relatives that were there for her as she experienced these great losses. She understands that although people want to help, they often don't know where to start.  I Did Not Know What To Say.com was created out of Lori's desire to assist people find the words when they don't know what to say or do.
You can learn more about Lori and her organization by visiting www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com, reading her personal Blog or contacting her at:
Lori Pederson
Each week we will be adding new inspirational stories and resources to our website and Blog.   Help us reach our goal of providing inspiration and insight to the world by sharing your story or resource with our online community.  We would love to hear from you! 
Please email us your inspirational stories, letters/cards that have reached your heart, a favorite quote, an unforgettable adventure, a thoughtful gift idea, a book that touched your life, or a suggestion for our website or newsletter to info@ididnotknowwhattosay.com.
If you are an author or expert in the field of grief recovery, we would love to interview you for our Blog and/or one of our upcoming newsletters.

If you have a website, Blog or newsletter, we ask that you consider including our information on your site.  Here is the link:
I Did Not Know What To Say
IDidNotKnowWhatToSay.com is a website designed to inspire and provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.
With Love & Gratitude, 
Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say
Copyright 2010' I Didn't Know What To Say(TM) Newsletter.  All Rights Reserved.