December 2009 Issue Vol 1, Issue 6


I Did Not Know 

What To Say  



WELCOME EVERYONE!  Our online community is growing and we are honored to have you be a part of the journey.

At this special time of year, I wish you an abundance of blessings and many joyful moments with your friends and family this holiday season.  I am very blessed to be heading home to California to share the holidays with my family.  I have not been home in over a year, so I am very excited to spend some quality time with my loved ones.  As an added bonus, it is 80 degrees in California, so I will be able to thaw out from the big East Coast snow storm this past week.


As the year draws to an end, I wanted to express my gratitude to our online community.  I am deeply grateful for the many connections I have made since we started the website and newsletter this past April.  Your support and contributions have made this a meaningful year.  I look forward to exchanging new ideas and resources with you in the coming year.

Each month we will be featuring a new article giving you a different perspective on how to assist your friends and family through the grieving process. Please feel free to pass our newsletter on to anyone that may benefit from our articles and inspirational messages.
Have a suggestion or a story you would like to share?  We would love to hear from you.
With Love & Gratitude,



Happy Holidays
Best Wishes for a New Year
filled with Love, Joy & Adventure

Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living!  
 ~ Amanda Bradley ~

In This Issue
Featured Article
Upcoming Events
About Us
Quick Links
Pass It On 
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Featured Article of the Month
Less Than Perfect

by Lori Pederson


During the holidays we hear a lot about being "perfect".  We try to make the perfect meal, set the perfect table, find the perfect gift and create the perfect holiday.  Sometimes the perfect gift is not perfect at all.  It is your willingness to look awkward and not know what to say, and yet still show up and be there for a loved one that is grieving.


Over the last few weeks I have been trying to find the perfect thing to say to one of my friends that unexpectedly lost her husband.  In my search to find the perfect gift and write the perfect note, I have become paralyzed in moving forward with my good intentions.


How often does this happen to all of us?  We miss the opportunity to bring light and joy to an individual that is hurting because we have become stuck in our desire to be "perfect".   Our need to be perfect is often combined with our fear of saying the wrong thing or not wanting to face our own fears about death.  It is our willingness to move past these fears that makes all the difference.  


Through the stress and the rush of the season, I encourage you to take the time to truly connect with your loved ones that are grieving.  Your support will be the gift that they remember for many years to come, even if it is less than perfect.


And with that in mind, I am off to the Post Office to send my less than perfect gift to my friend and hope that it will bring joy to her this holiday season.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:  Lori Pederson, Founder of I Did Not Know What To Say, a website built to inspire and to provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.   If you would like our free newsletter on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one, please visit our website at
 Be the Gift of Comfort, Joy and Love this Holiday Season
Here are a few more ways to be the gift your loved one was hoping for this holiday season:
  • Incorporate old traditions with new ones.  Life has changed without their loved one and it is important to embrace the old but know that new traditions will help them move forward in their grieving process.

  • Visit the cemetery with them over the holidays to bring flowers and to honor the memory of their loved one.
  • Get them moving...Go for a walk, take them golfing, walk the dogs together, go to a yoga class or go for a bike ride.  Physical exercise can assist them in helping manage their stress and the grief they are experiencing.
  • Send a gift of hope, inspiration, relaxation, and rejuvenation.  Send an inspirational book, a journal, a memory book, a funny movie, a beautiful picture, a meditation CD, or take them out for a day of pampering.  If they celebrate Christmas, think of including a special memorial ornament that celebrates their loved one.

  • If you live out of the area, send a card or letter letting the person know you care.  Be sure to take the time to write a special note to let them know you are thinking of them and acknowledge that this may be a difficult time for them.

  • Take the person on an inspirational adventure - What do they love to do?  Reconnect them with life and joy through the simple pleasures of life.  Do they love going to a special holiday concert?  Going to see the holiday lights?  Think of something they have always wanted to do and take them on a great adventure. Make it simple and have lots of fun.
For more ideas, please see our November 2009 Newsletter.  We would love to hear your suggestions, please email us at
Upcoming Events
Virtual Book Tour
Posted on November 8, 2009
- Author, Jean Reagan - Always My Brother
Posted on December 1, 2009
- Author, Marcy Kelly - From Sorrow to Dancing
Our Virtual Book Tour on our Blog will feature a special interview with an author that has written a book on one of the following topics: grief support, how to assist a loved one through the grieving process, and living your life to the fullest.

If you are an author and would like to be interviewed for our Virtual Book Tour, please contact us at

To order these books and preview other inspirational books, be sure to visit our Helpful Books page.
About I Did Not Know What To & Lori Pederson
LoriLori Pederson created I Did Not Know What To Say in April 2009 as a platform to inspire and provide resources to people that wanted to help their friends and family through the grieving process. 
Lori's expertise comes from those experiences that only life can provide.  Over the past twenty years, Lori has lost many family members, including her mother to ovarian cancer, as well as many friends, colleagues and pets.  She is no stranger to loss and the grieving process.
Throughout her life she has been blessed with many friends and relatives that were there for her as she experienced these great losses. She understands that although people want to help, they often don't know where to start.  I Did Not Know What To was created out of Lori's desire to assist people find the words when they don't know what to say or do.
You can learn more about Lori and her organization by visiting, reading her personal Blog or contacting her at:
Lori Pederson
(703) 660-8522
Each week we will be adding new inspirational stories and resources to our website and blog.   Help us reach our goal of providing inspiration and insight to the world by sharing your story or resource with our online community.  We would love to hear from you! 
Please email us your inspirational stories, letters/cards that have reached your heart, a favorite quote, an unforgettable adventure, a thoughtful gift idea, a book that touched your life, or a suggestion for our website or newsletter to
If you are an author or expert in the field of grief recovery, we would love to interview you for our Blog and/or one of our upcoming newsletters.

If you have a website, blog or newsletter, we ask that you consider including our information on your site.  Here is the link:
I Did Not Know What To Say is a website designed to inspire and provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.
With Love & Gratitude, 
Founder, I Did Not Know What To Say

Copyright 2009' I Didn't Know What To Say(TM) Newsletter.  All Rights Reserved.